More Humpday Ramblings

Had to get back in here with a few quick thoughts, things have been rather spotty the past few weeks, just too much going on.  Not to mention all my writing hours have been chewed up lately by long papers on topic like "Price Competition In the Electrical Equipment Industry" and "Sony's Competitive Response To the Nintendo Wii".  Sounds riveting, I know, but in reality those topics are a tad dry.

Not to mention that after two weeks of non-stop sports intensity, things have hit a bit of a lull.  I suppose we need lulls to recharge the batteries, digest the past and prepare for the future, but I'm still bored.  Gets me thinking of the old cliche, "if every day is a sunny day, then what's a sunny day?", in that events are only events because of their rarity.  If they happened every day, then they'd just be another day, and ss the 3rd day of the Final Five teaches us, too much of a good thing is very possible.

So with that in mind, some random thoughts to move things along in this slow week:

• The Fighting Sioux routed their way into the Frozen Four by a combined 12-1 score.  Whoopee.  Pardon my lack of enthusiasm at the moment.  I was fired up watching the games, but then reality set in and I remembered this scorchingly hot team now has an off week at the worst possible time.  Not to mention they're only one hot opposing goalie away from the run coming to an abrupt halt.  Sure, the anticipation is enjoyable, and it's been an extremely fun season so far, but anything less than the grand prize would be devastating.  Expectations and past history being what they are, guarded optimism is all that I can muster at the moment.  More to come on this next week as the event draws near.

• I feel defrauded by the NHL.  When the point system changed, we thought we were just trading ties for shootouts, a no-brainer on paper.  Now a few years later, the true consequences of the change are clear.  Handing out 3 points almost every game makes every team appear to be in playoff contention, but in reality just means it's now impossible to close a 6-point gap after the first of the year.  So they have basically given a crutch to all the middling teams in the league, who can now say "Sure we finished 12th in the conference, but we only missed the playoffs by 8 points!"  An 8-point margin might as well be 20 in today's NHL, because you'd need to have 40 games remaining to have any hope of catching up.  Meanwhile the teams can churn out lame ad campaigns late in the season about how much every game counts.  Nevermind they don't bother addressing the logical question of why being a fringe playoff team should make us fans anymore interested.  I mean why rush down to catch the 19th best team in the league when they can't even put a decent 5-game stretch together to secure a spot?

• I enjoy the fact that the autocorrect on my phone seems to have given up on curbing my use of profanity.  I've finally beaten down it's resistance to f-bombs and other vulgar language, to the point it no longer tries to insert "duck" and "shut" in my text messages.  I've also taught it the words "Sioux", "Delmon" and "Loserville".  This must be how teachers feel.

• Bumped into a friend's significant other recently, and chatted for a moment.  Don't know this girl well, and apparently she had trouble remembering my name when talking to her boyfriend, so referred to me as Voldemort.  He is now referring to me as He Who Shall Not Be Named.  I find this hilarious.

• Ever stop and ponder what percentage of your life is "Have Tos" versus "Want Tos"?  Between work, school, studying and sleep, it seems like way too much of my life is obligations these days.  Realizing that any parent reading this just laughed out loud, it's still lame.  Suppose I still waste plenty of time on frivilous pursuits and shouldn't complain, but thinking about how much of your day is already accounted for the minute you wake up in the morning can be depressing.  I think everyone needs a good case of the Eff Its once every month, just a day or two where you say "I should take care of that, but you know what?  Eff It.", then go do what you want to do.  Saying Eff It is admittedly trickier when you have a child to care for, if the previous sentence begins with "You know I should feed the kids", ignore everything I've said to this point.  But if it starts with "I should really clean out the garage", bail on that s*it and go golfing.  At least on occasion, it will help keep you sane.  And yes, this is the logic I use to reassure myself that spending 12 hours in a bar on a Saturday is not only acceptable, but healthy!

• I'm always fascinated by people who shoot up their places of work.  Not because I was to emulate them, or think they deserve admiration, but because I'm interested in what pushed them over the brink.  Found out their wife was cheating with a co-worker?  Got notified they'd be laid off soon?  Or was it something as simple as someone forgetting to make a new pot of coffee in the breakroom?  Not only is it an interesting trip into the human psyche, it gives you clues on what to watch for.  The thing I really want to see is someone getting their job back after being released from prison.  Imagine the boss they tried to kill speaking to the media "We fired Doug because he lacked initiative, but he really showed me something here.  This company has always been about taking bold action in the face of uncertainty, and there are few things bolder than walking into a man's office and shooting him.  Sure  his poor aim still leaves some questions about whether he can close deals and get the job done, but you can't teach ingenuity and risk-taking, so we're willing to give things another shot."

• So you can't smoke anywhere these days, everyone knows that.  Now Hennepin County has added a law stating that you can't smoke anywhere on county property, even if you sitting in your own car.  This is stupid and, when you consider the law already on the books stating people must be 45 feet from entrances, redundant.  Now I'm not trying to argue against the ban, public opinion supports it and that train has sailed.  But man has the world turned into a bunch of pansies these days, it's ridiculous.  You don't like smoke, that's fine.  I'm not a big fan either, would rather eat my hamburger without some guy's Camel wafting in my face.  Just don't give me some trumped up nonsense about secondhand smoke being responsible for more deaths than smallpox, because I ain't buyin.  Stuff that in the pseudo-science bin with the global warming tripe.  Not trying to veer to heavily into politics, and certainly not trying to take up the banner for smokers, because I really don't care.  The whole thing just makes me wonder how many things are going to be banned before it's all said and done, all these old folks in the world are turning into the damn Fun Police.  Work would never be important enough to make me go on an armed rampage, but start messing with my burgers and beer?  Well that just might.  Consider yourself warned, all you ban fanatics out there.

That's it from the random thoughts department, time to start pondering baseball season and the Twins, two days away!

Game called on account of hangover

Has it really been a week since I posted?  Time gets lost when you step into Planet St. Paul.  I'd like to start with a poem I wrote, inspired by my drive to work this morning:

Oh this winter has been such a b*tch
Like your car sliding into a ditch
The commutes have continued to blow
F*cking snow, f*cking snow, f*cking snow

Last week we got highs in the forties
Now the cold's grabbing us by the shorties
I should start driving south and just go
F*cking snow, f*cking snow, f*cking snow

When we finally hit April
And the spring finally seems to be here
There'll be one more kick in the nuts
Forcing you to bust out winter gear

One more year like this one and I'm movin
Can you blame us for the heavy boozin
Twins had better be good is all I know
F*cking Wild, f*cking Wolves, f*cking Gophs

Finally got a little something in the win column last weekend. Although that's all it is, just a little something, and nothing compared to a much bigger something I'm hoping to get in a few weeks time.  But at least the Sioux won the Final Five, and for one night restored a bit of hope to these proceedings.  Gopher fans, I don't know what to tell you, except that I might soon be joining you with nothing left to root for.  And if it happens this weekend, oh I'll be bitter then.  I'll walk around saying things like "Good thing baseball season is here, nice having something you get to invest six months in following daily before it all goes down in flames.  Maybe we'll even get three more postseason games out of the deal, superb."

Because it's going to suck pretty bad if this year's Sioux team doesn't win the title, but it's going to be an f'n tragedy if they blow the the chance to win it in St. Paul.  Now I know that the Gopher fans can say they've been there the last few years, but it's not quite the same.  Missing the tourney entirely when you had home ice a-brewin is not quite the same of fumbling a chance to play at home for the title when you're the #1 team in the country.  The Sioux are closer and have a real shot.  I say this not to be a slang term for a rooster, just to convey how big an opportunity this would be to squander.

So the weekend was a blast.  People slid down and fell over rails, mysteriously disappeared then reappeared hours later, hilariously captioned pictures, trashed supermarket aisles, surfed on hay bales, suffered light-to-moderate injuries, acquired a ton of cool flair, busted many a bracket, met old acquaintances, made new friends, coined a phrase or two and consumed mass quantities of cocktails.  Most importantly, I laughed longer and harder than I had over any weekend in recent memory. 

Some of that laughter was due to moderate-to-heavy drinking.  In fact it's kind of funny how light-to-moderate injuries go hand in hand with moderate-to-heavy drinking.  It's also worth noting that light-to-moderate injuries also inspire a good deal of laughter in their own right, which is pretty much to be expected.  I mean you wouldn't laugh at a serious injury, like a car accident, but a moderate one?  Like slipping on some stairs and landing on your ass?  Well there's nothing wrong with getting a chuckle out of that.  Interestingly enough, this whole situation makes for a nice rule of thumb when people are wondering what constitutes excessive drinking: If you suffer a moderate injury, you were drinking heavily.  If you suffer a serious one, your drinking was most likely in excess.

All of that was a roundabout segue to tell you that the Big Ten Hockey Conference sucks.  Because Monday I got the news that after two more seasons, the Gophers and Badgers will be leaving the WCHA and the Final Five will be no more.  This whole thing is like someone gave me a dog, I had him for years, then one day they told me he was being put down in two years, regardless of circumstance.  Two more Final Fives before the WCHA carts it's tourney to Denver and barely draws flies?  Two more years until the Gophers start playing half their games in the Eastern timezone and only see in-state rivals on occasion?  Pardon me guys, but this seems like a really lousy idea.

None of the Gopher fans I know, and they number many, see this as a good change.  Sure there are six Big Ten teams playing hockey, big whoop, putting them in the same league is a dumb idea.  Just because Penn St. gets a big donation and waves a magic wand over it's club team, we're going to break up the best college hockey conference in America?  Maybe some of the folks talking are correct, and the clout of the Big Ten Network will lead to scores of new hockey fans and an tsunami of cash rolling over the conference members...but I doubt it.

Because as badly as those of us who count ourselves fans would like to see millions of people embrace hockey coast to coast, it's just not going to happen.  This Big Ten situation reminds me of the wave of NHL relocations and expansions to southern markets in the '90s.  Historic franchises were uprooted, conferences changed names(bring back Campbell and Wales!) and realigned, rivalries were crushed, and for what?  So that the sport could find itself worse off than when it began the process, wandering the wilderness of Versus with teams on the brink of bankruptcy?  The powers that be keep trying to make the game something that it's not, and in their quest to "grow the game", usually end up destroying something the current fans love about it.  Change is inevitable, but change should be about progress.  Watering down a good sport by thinning the talent pool with teams no one cares about?  Not my idea of progress. Quality over quantity as the saying goes.  Remember I said this when the Gophers are beating Illinois 11-2 during the 2018 Big Ten hockey tourney.
Now I know it's a done deal, so I'll stop railing at the wind here in a moment, but this whole situation is another unfortunate reminder of hockey's tendency to be it's own worst enemy.  As I've said before, the games is a niche sport, and as such needs to take care of it's most devoted fans first.  College hockey is in this vein even more so, as many times the only option for seeing the game is actually going to the arena.  You can't write this off as the ramblings of a bitter Sioux fan who's worried is team will get left behind, but trust me when I say that has nothing to do with it.  One only had to go to St. Paul this weekend to see that Sioux Nation isn't going anywhere.  It's more about 7 PM games being replaced by 6 PM games, about Gophers-Duluth being replaced by Gophers-Ohio St, the whole thing seems wrong.  But it's happening, hope it doesn't play out like the pros, or ten years from now you'll need a ham radio to pick up a game of Big Ten puck.

*******************************************************************************

Switching gears here, a funny thing happened this year and I managed to pick a reasonably good bracket.  Don't get me wrong, I fully expect it to come crashing down at any moment, but entering the round of 16, I have all my Final Four teams and six of my Elite Eight left alive.  Rarefied air for this cat.

Random chance had a rougher go of things however, but just to prove how random this tourney actually is, let's look at the results of the coinflip bracket by region:

East - Perfect bracket thusfar, I **** you not.  Sure Ohio St, Kentucky and North Carolina were on a lot of boards, but Marquette taking out Syracuse?  Scoring this region, I thought I'd found my new method, but things tailed off just a bit, as you'll see.
West - Hit 5 of 8 games in the first round, pretty solid.  Had Penn St. beating San Diego St, not great, but not so bad with the Final Four team (UConn) still in play.  Texas is the problem here, for the coin liked them over Duke and that's obviously not going to happen.  Still, all in all, if UConn makes the Four, call this one a success.
Southwest - It's here where things really went South (pun intended) for Mr. Chance.  Vandy to the Sweet 16, yikes.  Purdue to the Final 4, ouch.  Purdue winning the title, EGAD!  Florida St over Notre Dame was a nice pick though.  Moving on.

Southeast - All Sweet 16 teams dead, no chance for anymore points from this bracket, and Mr. Voltin, please report to the winner's circle.

But what does any of this really prove?  That I have a slightly better head for college basketball than the one on a quarter?  That this whole thing should spawn a new theory about picking games in a blind draw for seeds 4-13, then using your brain from there?  Or just that March Madness is exactly the crapshoot we thought it was, and trying to act as if you know something is total BS?  I think it's the last one, just Google "Jay Bilas rips VCU" or watch the end of the Butler-Pitt game again if you think otherwise.

Speaking of that fateful game, something happened last weekend which I can't get out of my mind, and that's odd because it didn't happen to me.  A guy I know, who incidentally reads this rag (and who I must apologize to for continually bringing it up, can't help myself!) lost an 8-game NCAA parlay on that Pitt meltdown.  It intrigues me to put myself in that position, just to wonder what I'd do?  Start bawling openly?  Curse God and existence?  Homocide?  Self-immolation?  Frankly I don't think anything is out of the question.

But hey, I'd probably never be there, because I'd never have the stones to lay the bet.  A couple of seasons picking NFL games against the spread will make you gun-shy.  I won a 3-game football parlay once that paid 5-to-1, and was in heaven.  That was 5 years and many losses ago.  So there's really no telling what would happen.  But fortunately my buddy is calmer and more well-adjusted than me (who isn't really?) so he shrugged and took it in stride.  Very admirable.  I should learn something from that.  But instead, I'd probably still end up looked like the guy on the Rage Against the Machine cover (the burning monk on the self-titles album you idiots, not the little kid on Evil Empire).

Here's wishing you continued Madness.

The Great Bracket Showdown

Are you like me, never winning the March Madness pool, despite having enough lifetime entries to wallpaper a room?  Charlie Sheen would be so disappointed in me.

Because although I know a bit about sports, and even watch my fair share of college basketball, this crazy game of random chance has no patience for that.  Sure there are learned opinions aplenty, but half of them go bust in the first weekend just like mine.  This year I decided to have a little fun with watching my bracket go down in flames.

I entered a bracket in my customary contest, then chose a bracket based on random chance, flipping a coin on every tough decision.  However, I did give random chance a fighting chance by doing the following:

• Advanced the #1 seeds to the Sweet 16 - We know they never lose in the first round and something like 90% get to the round of 16.
• Advanced the #2 seeds to the round of 32 - One win in 13 years out of #15 seeds means it's a lock.  I miss Santa Clara beating Arizona, wish it would happen again.
• Advanced the #3 seeds to the round of 32 after the first one lost - This one's a bit more wishy-washy, because #3s do lose, but still at a very low rate.  Thought I'd give the #14s a shot and one of them delivered.

Rest of the games were up to the flip.

My bracket
I fill out two brackets, and usually try to hedge some bets with the second one, not that it helps.  This was the first I was filling out, so I figured what the heck, you know crazy **** is going to happen, just pick the right crazy ****.  So here's my crazy ****:

West - Mizzou (#11) and Memphis (#12) winning 1st-round games, Temple(#7) taking SDSU(#2) out in the round of 32
Southwest - Richmond(#12) going to the Sweet 16
Southeast - St. John's(#6) over BYU(#3) in the 2nd round and Wisconsin(#4) making the Elite 8
East - Xavier(#6) over Syracuse(#3) in the round of 32

And you can keep the snark about no wonder I never win to yourself.  You have to make some picks that look stupid at the time in order to be right in the end.  High seeds must die!  Check the stats, then pick against the four you hate.

Elite Eight: Ohio State(#1), North Carolina(#2), Texas(#4), Connecticut(#3), Kansas(#1), Notre Dame(#2), Wisconsin(#4), Florida(#2)

Final Four: Ohio State(#1), Texas(#4), Kansas(#1), Florida(#2)

Championship: Kanasas over Ohio St.


The flip bracket

West - Mizzou(#11) with a mild upset over Cincy(#6) and Penn St.(#10) takes out SDSU(#2) in the round of 32
Southwest - Purdue(#3) makes the Final Four after FSU(#10) paves the way by beating Notre Dame(#2) in the round of 32
Southeast - Pandemonium. Wofford(#14) beats BYU(#3) in the opening game, UCLA(#7) ousts Florida(#2) in the round of 32, St. John's(#6) makes the Elite 8
East - Kentucky(#4) knocks off Ohio State(#1) in the Sweet 16, Marquette(#11) beats Xavier(#6) and Syracuse(#3) on it's way.

Man, the coin really had it in for those #2 seed
Elite Eight: Kentucky(#4), North Carolina(#2), Texas(#4), Connecticut(#3), Kansas(#1), Purdue(#3), Pittsburgh(#1), St. John's(#6)

Final Four: North Carolina(#2), Connecticut(#3), Purdue(#3), Pittsburgh(#1)

Championship: North Carolina over Purdue

And hell, that's as plausible as the one I picked, who knows?

Now, let the battle of basketball wits begin.

The Final Five

Today was supposed to be a day of great anticipation.  This Monday marks the beginning of the week that culminates in the greatest sports weekend of the year.  Unfortunately, a lot of that enthusiasm is gone, following the unceremonious exit of the Golden Gophers in two games at the hands of Alaska-Anchorage.

Last July, when the news of another early departure shook the Gopher hockey program, I opined on how far things had fallen the past few years.  Since then, as another disappointing season unfolded, my feelings haven't changed.  While I definitely don't want to see Minnesota back on top of the college hockey heap, the lack of their presence at the league tourney takes some of the wind out of it's sails.  Never is that felt more keenly than a day like today, instead of eager anticipation, many of my compatriots and stuck lamenting what went wrong.  I'm not going to let it affect my mood, as my team is still scheduled for Friday night at the X, and I'm extremely fired up.  It's just that events are always more fun when people are fired up and attendance is solid, the more buzz the merrier.

So instead of a Thursday night game and potential showdown with the Sioux looming, Gopher fans get to spend today wondering how they've managed to sink lower still.  As I wrote last week, Anchorage is not a good team.  They may have played well this past weekend, and gotten some phenomenal goaltending, but they're still an 8th place team with a losing record.  Minnesota can, has and should've blown them off the ice.  Or at least pushed it to a third game.  Or at a minimum looked interested in participating on Saturday!  Instead, they followed up a poor effort on Friday with one that was even worse on Saturday.  The issues facing the team have been re-hashed ad nauseum over the past few years, and it's happening enough places right now that I don't need to belabor it here.  Let me just say that although we don't see eye to eye, I feel your pain Gopher fans, and hope this thing gets back to respectability soon.

But enough of that negativity, because as I've mentioned several times, the best sports weekend of the year starts this Thursday!!!

My personal Top 5:

1) Final Five/March Madness - In a class by itself, due to the nonstop action it offers.  Do-or-die hoops action starts at 11 AM and runs until midnight, with a constant stream of clutch moments throughout. 48 games hammered out in 96 hours, whittling the 64 tourney teams down to 16 by Sunday evening.  But March Madness is only the backdrop for things, and although it's the greatest backdrop one could wish for, it's secondary to the live action on the ice.  Toss in 5 hockey games over the course of 3 days and, at least in a typical year, one of America's best St. Patrick's Day celebrations...well you had me at hello.

2) NFL opening weekend/college football/MLB pennant races - I probably rate this higher than some, due to my love of football.  But when you have the most popular league in America kicking off the day after you get your first dose of big time college matchups (following the first weekend's slate of cupcakes in tune-up games, and have important baseball games happening to boot?  Well that's one heck of a weekend!

3) The Masters/MLB return/NHL crunch time/Frozen Four - If you're not a golf fan, that's unfortunate, because the Master's is a great event that serves as the signal spring has finally arrived each year.  It typically coincides with one of the first weekends of baseball season, either the last regular season/first playoff weekend in the NHL and college hockey's Frozen Four.  Pretty darn good slate there when it all comes together, and kind of the bridge between the seasons in this part of the world.  Sure NHL season won't technically be over for another 8 weeks, but psychologically you're moving on down the road.

4) Final weekend in October - Tipoff of the NBA intersecting with baseball playoffs makes this the only time all year that the 4 major sports are happening at the same time.

5) Thanksgiving - Okay, so sports aren't the first thing that spring to mind when you think Thanksgiving, but with the staggered NFL schedule, the college basketball and hockey tourneys, NBA and NHL throwing out their best matchups and a full slate of crucial college football games, it definitely makes the cut.  Used to be neck-and-neck in this slot with NFL Draft weekend (playoff hockey, early-season baseball, etc.), but then they moved the draft to Thursday night and screwed everything up.

So there it is, the best of them all starts in only a few short days, and I couldn't be more excited.  Started attending this tourney a few years ago, and if it's up to me, will never miss it.

Some personal memories:
 
2003

The Final Five: Colorado College, Duluth, Mankato, Minnesota, North Dakota

Highlight: Not much for me, as the only game I attended was the unceremonious 2-1 bouncing of the Sioux by the Duluth Bulldogs.  About the only thing I remember about it was thinking it was the emptiest I'd ever seen the Xcel Center.  I guess this is the part where I'm supposed to note that I regret missing Mankato's only appearance in the tourney since I've been attending.  I'm not losing too much sleep.

2004

The Final Five: Anchorage(!), Colorado College, Duluth, Mankato, Minnesota, North Dakota

Highlight: Also only made it to one game this time out, but it was an amazing one that made me a fan of this tourney for life.  Won't rehash that all again, just repeat it was one of the best games I've ever seen.  I'll always remember getting the call that there was an extra ticket and catching a ride down with a buddy.  His girlfriend (now wife) gave us a ride, and when we hopped out of the car, I manage to kick a toy that was in the backseat onto West 7th.  I picked up what I thought was all of said toy, but apparently lost some piece of it. 

This would seem a trivial and forgettable episode, but for the fact it caused me to get branded for the rest of my days as "the guy who kicked my son's toy into the street".  Not a good moniker to carry, as bad as being "that drunk guy who pissed on the floor", which I've also been on a couple of occasions.  Not proud of that.  Of course I am not "that drunk guy who took a header down the stairs at McGovern's and opened up a bloody gash on his forehead", that was my aforementioned pal Jud, about two hours after his Gophers won the title, good times.

2005

The Final Five: Colorado College, Denver, Minnesota, North Dakota, Wisconsin

Highlight: You know in soccer, when a guy scores a goal, then goes running full speed and slides along the ground while celebrating?  I've determined that it also works quite well on the carpeting at the X.  North Dakota was battling for it's tourney life during the Thursday night play-in game against Wisconsin.  As luck would have it, this particular Thursday also coincided with St. Paddy's, and I'd been celebrating since the AM hours.  The Sioux scored a huge third period goal to take the lead and the Mexican Soccer Slide was born.  I came to rest at the feet of two St. Paul cops, who were more than a bit amused with my celebration.  Not wanting to get into any line of questioning about how much I'd had to drink that day, I simply hopped up, said "Huge goal" and went back to the business of spectating.  The tourney ended with a dull 1-0 Denver victory over Colorado College in the championship game, but will always be remembered as my first year attending every game.

2006

The Final Five: Duluth, Minnesota, North Dakota, St. Cloud, Wisconsin

Highlight: This was the first time I got to see the Sioux win this tourney, an impressive feat for a team that had finished 5th in the conference and having something of a down season.  That championship was somewhat overshadowed by another game that, while I wouldn't call it one of the best I've seen played, would certainly rank among the most entertaining.  St. Cloud was a .500 team during the 2005-06 season, that found itself up against league champion Minnesota in the Friday night semifinal.  What ensued was a wild and crazy affair that included 15 goals, a 3-goal comeback by the Gophers, which included tallies with under a second left in the 2nd period and 15 seconds remaining to force OT in the 3rd.  Just when you thought St. Cloud was done, they popped the OT winner past my all-time favorite Gopher, Jeff Frazee, and moved on to meet Nodak in the Finals.  Hilarious because it led directly to our buddy Andy f-bombing Frazee in front of his dad at next year's tourney.

2007


The Final Five: Michigan Tech, Minnesota, North Dakota, St. Cloud, Wisconsin
Highlight: Tech sighting!  Typically, the only representation Tech has at the Final Five is it's excellent band, they're the ones dressed in yellow-and-black striped overall. (Quick sidenote, while sitting in a suite during 2006, our group pioneered the "invite the entire band into the suite to play a tune" craze that has become common at this tourney.  The idea came from a wily Xcel employee who thought it would be funny to sneak the band in as a surprise to an extremely hungover member of the entourage during Saturday's third-place game.  Turns out it was hilarious and a tradition was born that got brought back every year.  But like anything else, people saw it and it spawned a gang of imitators.  Just know it was not your idea.)  If memory serves, this was also the year when my buddy Scott saw a man get struck by vehicle, another championship classic. 

Scott was minding his own business, talking on the phone out in front of the Liffey, when a guy stepped out into the street and got SMOKED, losing his shoes and cell phone in the process.  Scott and others rushed over to see if the gent was still breathing, but after a couple of unconscious minutes, he popped up, retrieved his phone and picked up the conversation right where he'd left off.  This is the kind of thing you absolutely kill yourself for missing when you hear the story, could've crossed something off the bucket list and I was 30 yards away! Missed opportunities.

Oh yeah, there was also a g championship game that year, some guy named Wheeler scored

2008

The Final Five: Colorado College, Denver, Minnesota, North Dakota, St. Cloud


Highlight: This year's tourney was all about Minnesota.  The Gophers entered the playoffs as a bubble team, played an epic three-game series on the road at Mankato (total of 5 OT periods in 3 games, and the classic "everyone in this building is standing, except for the folks in wheelchairs" quote from Doug Woog), beat St. Cloud in a 3-2 play-in thriller (for which I was seated on the glass) and beat CC in OT, before giving Denver all they could handle in a 2-1 championship loss.  The Sioux fell to Denver in the semifinals, which I believe was their 581st consecutive Final Five loss to the Pioneers.  Or perhaps it just seemed that way.


2009

The Final Five: Denver, Duluth, Minnesota, North Dakota, Wisconsin

Highlight: Duluth becomes the first team to win the title from the play-in game, ousting Minnesota, North Dakota and Denver along the way.  Uber-hot goaltender Alex Stalock allows one goal in three games, pitching shutouts in the last two.  My brother came to the tourney this year, and we scared him so bad that he hasn't been back since.  At least that's what I think.

2010

The Final Five: Denver, Duluth, North Dakota, St. Cloud, Wisconsin

Highlight: The first non-Gopher year I ever experienced, and sadly not the last, the atmosphere wasn't quite on par with past seasons.  But things were great on the ice, as the Sioux finally hand Denver it's first ever loss in a Final Five at the Xcel, with a 4-3 victory in the Friday night semifinal.  I believe the streak got to 10 games, meaning the Pioneers had won five tourney titles in the last decade without a single blemish on their record.  Of course they missed the tourney entirely a few times, as noted previously, but still a huge monkey to get rid of.  Other highlight of the weekend was touring Target Field that Saturday.  Watching UND win the championship again was nice, but after the breaking the Denver hex and seeing the inside of the new stadium, beating St. Cloud again just gets to be kind of blah.

2011

The Final Five: Anchorage, Bemidji, Colorado College, Denver, Duluth, North Dakota

Highlight: The darkest days in Gopher hockey are upon us, as Minnesota is swept out of the playoffs on home ice by lowly Anchorage.  Two seasons in a row of something that used to be a given has fans looking for answers, and generally lamenting the horror of the whole situation.  Bemidji fans make a nice effort to pick up the slack caused by Minnesota and St. Cloud missing the tourney, and are rewarded with a fun OT victory.  North Dakota plays two thrillers on it's way to back-to-back titles, beating CC with a late 3rd period goal in the semis and Denver in double-OT on Saturday.

2012

The Final Five: Denver, Duluth, Michigan Tech, Minnesota, North Dakota, St. Cloud

Highlight: Gophers back at full strength, if they tell you they always were, that's not true, it's not even debateable.  Also unique for the first Michigan Tech sighting in 4 years, but this year's tourney will forever be known to North Dakota fans as the "Timeout Game".  After getting worked like a part-time job for 30 minutes and trailing 3-0 in the Friday night semifinal, UND called a timeout...then promptly ran off 6 straight goals to complete the scoring.  I've never in my life seen a game in any sport turn so completely.  The next night they thumped Denver 4-0 to win an almost passe 3rd Broadmoor trophy in a row.  Unfortunately, after continuing that tradition, they also continued the tradition of the Final Five victor between these two teams losing in the national tourney, as Minnesota ended their season a week later.

So what will happen this year?  Will North Dakota make it 4 in a row?  Will St. Cloud win their first title in 10 years?  Will Mankato make a run at their first ever?  Will the Gophers finally get back to the championship game for the first time in 6 years?

ALl I know is, I can't wait to find out, drop the puck! 

WCHA Playoffs

Rousing start to the state tourney yesterday, with a couple of great upsets by schools from "Up North".  Thief River Falls even ousted two-time defending champ Breck, one of the pansy private schools that refuses to play in the big school bracket.  I'm sure it's been fun blasting overmatched teams 12-1 in the first round the past couple of seasons, it was certainly fun for me to watch them get their comeuppance yesterday.

(Thief River Falls is just a weird name for a city.  I know there are plenty of oddly named cities around, but imagine traveling somewhere else and telling people you were form Thief River Falls, Minnesota.  Nothing against the city, just a bizarre-sounding name.  Being from Climax would be cooler.)

Gotta love watching the kids play hockey, all the guys saying whatup to family members in intros, the announcers telling us that this is the first time three brothers had formed the reffing crew of a tourney game, the TRF fan with the sign talking smack to Warroard, the whole thing is uniquely Minnesotan.  Let's be honest, there isn't too much that makes this state special, friendly people and world-class hockey are about it.  Fortunately, those are both high priorities for me, so things are working out well.

But as fun as watching the high schools can be, it's only an appetizer, with the main course of the Final Five on the way next week.  I guess that makes the first round of the WCHA playoffs the soup/salad of this analogy.  Best-of-3 series commence Friday at the homes of the higher seeds, and given the parity that's been a theme this season, I'm inclined to think that there could be a few upsets.

And then I got to looking at the last 10 years of WCHA history to determine how many upsets had occurred (losing team and their seed in brackets):

2001 - 0
2002 - 0
2003 - 0
2004 - 2 (Denver - #4, Wisconsin - #3)
2005 - 0
2006 - 2 (Denver - #2, Colorado College - #5)
2007 - 2 (Denver - #4, Colorado College - #5)
2008 - 1 (Mankato - #4)
2009 - 1 (Colorado College - #4)
2010 - 0

Without any great statistical analysis, it seems like this indicates a couple of things:

• There's likely to be one upset, but definitely not more than two
• Denver or CC will be the likely victim.  (Kind of puts the Pioneers ridiculous winning streak at the X in perspective when you realize they only got there half the time)

So who is our victim(s), if any, this time around?  Let's breakdown the matchups and find out.

(1) North Dakota vs. (12) Overconfidence
Okay, technically the opponent is Michigan Tech, but after last week's 17-3 beatdown, the Sioux should roll to a couple of easy wins.  Tech gave them some fits three years ago in Grand Forks, pushing things to a rather uncomfortable 2-1 Sunday victory, but that was 9th place Tech team with 22 points, this is a historically brutal one with 6.  Nothing short of a salmonella outbreak following tonight's team dinner should push things that far this time around.

And now I'm worried about salmonella.

North Dakota sweep 5-1, 5-2

(2) Denver vs. (11) Mankato
Given the above history Denver would seem to be the most likely candidate for an upset, but given the fact that they're a #2 seed playing a struggling team, I just don't see it.  They lost as a #2 five years ago, but that was against a Duluth team a few years removed from a Frozen Four, this one's against Mankato.  Not to mention that these days, the distance between 2nd place in the WCHA and 2nd-to-last is two teams wider.

Denver sweep 4-2, 3-1

(3) Nebraska-Omaha vs. (10) Bemidji
From the 5-6 games I've watched each of these teams play this season, I'm of the opinion that Omaha is good and Bemidji not so much.  This puts me at a loss to explain why Bemidji is 3-0-1 on the season versus Omaha.  It doesn't help that I didn't get to see their matchups, but judging by the box scores, the Beavers goalies have some sort of mind control over the Mavericks.  They've only put 5 pucks past Bemidji goaltenders in 4 games this season.  You might even say they are Beaver-whipped. (wah wah waaaaaaaaaahhhh) 

Now this certainly wouldn't be the first time that a bunch of guys weren't doing their best work because they had Beaver on the brain, but the question remains, will they snap out of it?  I think so, but not before Bemidji puts a scare into them.  Beaver.

Omaha wins 3-2 (OT), 4-2

(4) Duluth vs. (9) St. Cloud
The team nobody wanted to play, going up against the team that appears to have peaked a couple months ago.  Down the stretch, St. Cloud finally turned into the team that everyone expected it to be all season long.  Their 4-2-2 stretch to close the season began by taking 3 of 4 points from the Bulldogs in Duluth.  Since then, one-goal losses to North Dakota and Denver are the only blemishes on their record.  Contrast that with a Duluth team who stumbled home winning only 2 of their last 8, and you can understand why everyone and their brother is falling all over themselves to pick the upset.  But the unfortunate thing about conventional wisdom?  It's usually wrong.  Try making NFL picks for a full season and tell me otherwise. 

Duluth still has the best line in college hockey for my money, and that has to factor in.  Although some teams have been effective at shutting it down lately, and their deadly powerplay might get fewer chances in the postseason, I like the odds of Fontaine and the Connolly brothers raising their game to put the Dogs over the top.

Duluth wins 4-3, 3-5, 4-2

(5) Minnesota vs (8) Anchorage
The WCHA league office, many of my closest friends and bar owners up and down West 7th St will be watching this matchup with rapt attention.  Will the Gophers triumph and bring the crowds (and their wallets) to St. Paul next weekend?  Or will they fall back into the trap of playing down to an opponent, and refuel the Fire Lucia bandwagon?  If not for St. Cloud's schizophrenic season, Minnesota would easily be the most perplexing team in the league.  Their final position is not much of a surprise (I picked them 6th) but the journey to get here has been an odd one.  They've beaten Michigan, North Dakota, Duluth and Denver, but got swept by Mankato and dropped a home game to Anchorage 1-0 a little over a month ago.  Last weekend was another good example of play that can only be described as lackadaisical, as they spent periods of each game against Bemidji alternately dominating, then being dominated.  This weird habit of turtling against inferior teams is the only reason I'm giving the Seawolves any chance at a win.

To be clear, Anchorage is not a good team.  They're 4 games over .500 at home, 5 games under on the road.  They managed a grand total of 2 goals in 120 minutes of hockey during their last trip to Dinkytown.  Sure they got some good goaltending and went 7-4 to end the season, but 4 of those wins were against Tech and Mankato, another the aforementioned shutout of the Gophers.  The Seawolves wouldn't make me nervous, but as proven, the Gophers can float.

Minnesota wins 4-1, 1-2, 5-1

(6) Colorado College vs. (7) Wisconsin
These two teams split last week in Madison, so probably a good idea to call 3 games.  Who wins is another matter.  Home ice and the fact the Badgers have sucked for about a month initially made me lean toward CC.  But then I remembered thay they're CC and this is the postseason, which forced me to step back and re-evaluate.  Call it a gut feeling, but I'm going with Bucky.

Wisconsin wins 3-2, 1-5, 4-3

A Final Six of Denver, Duluth, Omaha, Minnesota, Nodak and Wisco would be fine with me.

It's been a weird year where every team has had it's rough patches. North Dakota had an ugly stretch of Friday night losses in January.  Denver, Duluth and Omaha all had good seasons, but don't come in playing their best hockey.   Minnesota started terrible, but ended pretty well.  And a whole lot of other teams played just well enough, for just long enough, to scare you.

Ding! Ding!  Round One...

The Century Mark

One year and seven weeks ago, this guy right here brought forth a new blog, conceived from boredom and dedicated to the premise that Minnesota sports teams are an absolute debacle.  This is the 100th post on a journey of ineptitude that began 14 months ago, and has gone as poorly as we could've possibly expected.  There have been very view highlights, which frankly should probably be expected from a blog called Loserville.  Fortunately there's little time to lament everything that went wrong over the past year plus, since the calendar has now turned to March, and the greatest stretch on the sports calendar is now commencing.

Tomorrow marks the beginning of the Minnesota high school hockey tournament, which kicks off a 12-week sporgy (yup, sports orgy, you're welcome for the imagery) taking us to the doorstep of summer.  It starts with what I like to call Hocktopia (hockey utopia, coining phrases left and right today), comprised off the high school tourney, WCHA Final Five and Frozen Four, all against the backdrop of NHL teams fighting for playoff seeding.  Throw in March Madness filling every weekend with great college hoops action, the opening of baseball season, and everything briding right into the NHL playoffs; frankly there's no place else in the world I'd rather be on March 8th than right here, right now.

Rest assured that much more will be said on each of these topics, save high school hockey.  My analysis on that one is short and sweet, with the fall of Burnsville last week, I have no big rooting interest.  Twin nemesi (not sure if officially a word, but like it better than nemeses) Edina and Eden Prairie are tops on the hit list, but unfortunately also the top two seeds.  Here's hoping for an upset.  Other than that, screw the private school kids.  Go Hibbing, Hermantown, etc., death to St. Thomas and Breck.  If they had any decency, they'd be playing Class AA anyway.

Beyond that, no in-depth thoughts to offer, it's a high school tourney after all, and my interest wanes when my school gets knocked out.  Plenty of time to look forward, so instead, let's take a look at where we've been:

Things all started with the most gut-wrenching Vikings defeat in recent memory.  Bad memory, but kind of a decent re-read, just to remember things can always be worse.

I ran down lists of the biggest douchebags and most famed felons in sports.  Both lists appear to be holding up pretty well, might have to re-visit them in a couple of months.

I went back and forth on the Twins all season, saving the strongest venom for Scott Baker.  Based on the reports out of spring training, I can see another round of this coming on in about two months, stay tuned.

I offered my opinions on some new sports acronyms you should soon be familiar with.

We all collectively tried to talk ourselves into a Vikings season that appeared to be unraveling in training camp.  Then watched as it came apart at the seams, again, and again, and again.

I ran down the state of the teams in town, right about the time a promising Gopher hoops season was crumbling.

Finally, the hated Packers won the Super Bowl, causing me to contemplate if this was as bad as it could get.

After looking back through that history, all I can say is I hope the next hundred posts have a lot more to celebrate than the first hundred did.  As always, Loserville residents are nothing if not resilient.

This one's for all the Old Dutch Rip-L chips

Another titanic struggle is brewing tomorrow evening, this time in the world of high school hockey.  I don't want to oversell it, but in a world where protesting union workers can compare the govenor of Wisconsin to a totalitarian Egyptian dictator without even the slightest realization of how ridiculous they sound, I'd say Edina vs. Burnsville ranks somewhere between USA v. USSR and Blazin wings v. bowels on the rivalry scale.  That's not a comment on politics either, more of a comment on the use of hyperbole and how it makes people tune out whatever comes after.  Anyway, I learned a long time ago that discussing hockey is a much more worthwhile use of time than debating political affiliations.

But we do all strive to make the things we love as epic as possible, look no further than every UFC poster you've ever seen.  A mechanic and personal trainer squaring off and they're trying to sell it like it's Ali-Fraizer III.  But hey, that's what generates the buzz, so I'll just say that the people of Edina are pure evil.  Pretty sure they caused the housing market to crash so they could bulldoze the foreclosed home in neighboring communities for tennis course.  That hasn't been substantiated yet, but I got it from the same guy who told me Derek Jeter is on steroids, so fairly solid.  And oh yeah, if there are any kids reading, Edina people make stew out of puppies and once kidnapped Santa Claus.  Thankfully Chuck Norris freed him, can't remember if that was Delta Force 2 or 3.

Contrast this with the hard working, salt-of-the-Earth folks in Burnsville, and the right way to root should be pretty obvious.  South of the river is where the Real America starts, sure a lot of us only have two-car garages and neither side holds a Lexus, but we're a simple and honest folk who would give you the shirt off our back...you know, provided it wasn't below freezing.  Edina is the land of boutiques, gallerias and restaurants named Salut, all centered around (wait for it) France Avenue.  Can't make it up.  Your high school nickname is the Hornets?  Might as well be the Frogs.  Bloomington is the buffer between us, the front lines if you will, and what do you find intersecting France as soon as you cross over 494 from Edina?  That's right, AMERICAN BOULEVARD!  USA! USA! USA!

Edina kids are like those silver spoon pricks from Harvard or Yale who end up being your boss.  Matter of fact, if your boss is a prick, he's probably from Edina.  If he's not, then he probably grew up there, but moved away when his trust fund got pulled for not being snooty enough.  Their hockey team is full of guys with first names like Anders and Marshall and J. Watkins Blowhard III.  I only made one of those up.

Order a vodka tonic in an Edina bar, they'll put a parasol in it, order a Budweiser and they'll ask you to leave.  Sure they may have the pedigree, but we've got the toughness and determination, the Braves (still protesting the name change from Braves 15 years ago) are due!  I watched them play in this same semifinal, at the same arena, 3 years ago, and it went to OT before the bad guys won.  It's time for history to turn in the other direction and send the black-and-gold on their way to St. Paul!

Was trying to come up with a sign idea for a game, it's not going so well.  The first few rejects:

The South (Suburban Conference) shall rise again!

The Blaze are flaming!

It Burns when we PP

Your players may be Hornets, but your cheerleaders are Hors

Tell your cougar of a mom to quit calling me, what happens at Redstone stays at Redstone

Yes, Edina fan, I spit in the sandwich I served you for lunch.  Don't ask what was in the soup

Wish me luck, game time is 6:00.  BURNS-VILLE! BURNS-VILLE! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)