Now that the NBA draft is over, we can move on to the one that sits in it's shadow, the NHL Draft. This year's event is coming at you live from St. Paul, Minnesota this evening, where I will be in attendance to take in the spectacle. No doubt that prospect seems pretty silly in the eyes of many people, but what can I say, I'm a rube. Never been to a draft before, the ticket is free and it's only 20 minutes from my house, why not check it out? Plus I need "Attend a draft" to complete a row on my Sports Nerd BINGO card, along with "Plan multiple vacations around sporting events", "Run two or more fantasy football teams in a given season" and "Start a sports-centric blog". Big day for me.
Not to mention, if you follow amateur hockey, you actually know who a lot of these guys are (sad as that is to admit). Sure the Canadian junior guys are a bit of a mystery, but even the best of those pop up in the World Juniors tournament every December, so not totally unfamiliar. This year has fewer college players projected near then top than in previous years, but there are still a few names projected to go in the first couple rounds that will we'll get to watch in the WCHA next season. The NHL draft is similar to the MLB draft in the sense that players typically need a few years of development before making the team, but similar to the NFL in that many players drafted in later rounds will have a chance to make an impact. Basically it's the polar opposite to the NBA draft in a lot of ways, including fashion sense.
But just because late round picks can emerge into contributing players does not minimize the importance of a team hitting on it's first round picks. As has been lamented many times in this space, the Minnesota Wild don't have a great track record of doing this, and always seem to finish just a bit better than is wise. Tonight they pick 10th, and can ill afford to miss, given their thin piepline of talent. Seems like the perfect time to offer the 5 hypothetical questions I'd like to have answered honestly by GM Chuck Fletcher.
1. First off, something I've been dying to know for two years: Did owner Craig Leipold force your hand in the signing of Matin Havlat?
How I think he'd answer: I don't know if "forced" is the word I'd use, but he was definitely very intent on making a big signing that would create some buzz. He was a new owner, taking over the team just as Marian Gaborik left via free agency, and felt that a bold move was required to offset that. What you have to understand about Craig is, he's a fan, and that can be a double-edged sword. Sure it's obviously better than having a disengaged owner who only cares about the bottom line, but it can also force some knee-jerk decisions that have consequences in the long term.
I wouldn't say that I was against signing Marty Havlat, but at the same time, the timing was not ideal. The team was not in good shape cap-wise and already had several sizable contracts with underperforming players. Not to mention that the free agent crop that offseason was slightly below average, bidding up the price on players like Havlat, who are definitely a cut below superstar-caliber.
Was signing an injury-prone wing who's only noteworthy seasons occured while playing between two stars my ideal scenario? No way. But sometimes the boss thinks something needs to happen for reasons that go beyond Xs and Os hockey, and this was one of those times.
2. Brian Burke, who's got a great track record as a GM, has said many times that he prefers North American players, since they grew up dreaming about winning the Stanley Cup. Looking at past Cup winners seems to support this theory, as just about all, save the unique case of Detroit, have been made up of 70-80% North American players.
With that being said, do you worry that there's too great a European component on the current roster?
How I think he'd answer: Obviously I don't, or else I wouldn't have picked so many of them. Perhaps we've trended a little too much in that direction during recent years. With Koivu, Havlat, Backstrom, Zidlicky and Miettinen on the current roster, as well as Granlund, Larsson and Haula picked high in the last couple of drafts...crap, I guess that is a lot of Euros. Man, I might need to reassess the "best player available" thing tonight, right now it's looking like we might end up with another Swede in the first round, this is starting to resemble some Scandinavian national team.
But when you think about it, there was a nice run of Candian first-rounders in the years before I was hired that didn't amount to a whole lot. Mention James Sheppard's name to a Wild fan an they will begin to twich uncontrollably and froth at the mouth. Tyler Cuma's career has been plauged by one serious injury after another. Colton Gillies and Marco Scandella look like they could be solid contributors, but neither one has made the leap yet. At the end of the day, I'm looking for the best player in any situation, no matter what continent they're from. Of course we want a nice mix of skill sets, but we're not going to pass on a player simply because of his hometown. That being said, maybe I'll steer clear of the Swede this time around.
3. Acknowledging the fact that he's the captain, face of the team and a solid all-around player, didn't you guys just overpay significantly for Mikko Koivu? Isn't he essentially a second-line center on a contending team?
How I think he'd answer: Yeah, we probably did a bit, but that's the nature of the beast with this stuff. Say what you will about his offensive production, Mikko is a cornerstone of this franchise and a keeping him was an absolute must. How many big-time scorers play against the opponents top line as much as he does? How many great offensive players has he played alongside? I think if we could use him the way other teams use their top center, gearing our gameplan toward maximizing his offense, you'd see a big uptick in the goal and assist totals. Unfortunately there's no one else on the team who can handle the defensive end of things the way he does, so we're kind of stuck.
Could we have gotten by a million or so per season cheaper? Perhaps, but it wasn't a risk we were looking to take. You can call it a panic move if you'd like, but I prefer to think of it as being certain about what you want and ensuring you get it. At any rate, when it comes to pointing out the dead weight on this roster currently soaking up too much payroll, I can list quite a few guys before the name Koivu comes up.
4. Why hire Mike Yeo on the heels of Todd Richards departure, given their similar resumes?
How I think he'd answer: The short answer is because if he ended up elsewhere, I was worried it would come back to haunt us. Everyone who's ever coached was a first-time coach at some point, and every experienced coach out there who's available has been fired somewhere in the past. Craig MacTavish, Ken Hitchcock, these guys were certainly experienced, but not all of that experience was good. Both had overseen losing teams in the past, so hiring them offered no guarantee of success. That's not to say they're bad coaches, only that there are many factors that enter into fielding a winning team.
In Mike, we've got a guy who was part of a championship team in Pittsburgh, has a good track record working with young players and is respected in the organization. Sure he's going to have some bumps along the way, and a veteran coach probably offered a better chance of short-term success by maximizing the talent on the current roster. But at the end of the day, this is about the long haul and building a champion, and I think we're best positioned to do that with Mike leading the charge. I want to be a contender for a decade, not a fringe playoff team sneaking in as an 8-seed next year.
5. Fair enough, but do you see issues with veteran players on the current roster being resistant the the new coach and pending youth movement?
How I think he'd answer: As you might be able to tell from my comments in the paper this week about the players needing better offseason preparation, I'm getting to the end of my rope with some of this crap. There were some personality conflicts that developed with Todd Richards during the past few years, some players seemed to think they were above doing the little things. That will not be the case moving forward, we may not be able to part with certain guys, but we won't hesitate to lay down the law with them if they're not on board with the program. I'm a fairly low-key guy who doesn't like to air the internal laundry publicly, but I will not hesitate to call out anyone who isn't pulling their weight.
These guys have got to remember that I'm on the hot seat here too. A good portion of the issues with this franchise were dumped in my lap, but now it's getting to the point where results are required if I'm to continue in this role. Like many animals in nature, there's typically no danger, but get them cornered and you've got a fight on your hands. I'm feeling a bit cornered these days, so if they want to push, they'll be doing so at their peril.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
5 Questions: David Kahn
Ever wish you could ask the manager/GM/owner of your favorite teams any question you wanted and have it answered honestly? Given the cliches handed out one after another in interviews and the behind-the-scenes manuvering that goes on, it would be quite interesting to hear some unvarnished opinions about things.
Never has the need for a bit of unvarnished truth been greater than when dealing with current Timerberwolves boss David Kahn.
I have to admit, I've never been much of a fan. Doing word association with Kahn brings up words like "weasel", "shifty" and "smug". Smugness may in fact be his defining characteristic. He definitely comes off as much more of a lawyer than a basketball guy, but perhaps that's not a bad thing. After all, the team's last GM was a basketball guy through and through, and we know how that turned out. But I can't help thinking that Kahn's off-putting style isn't going to ingratiate him to fans or his fellow GMs, it certainly hasn't so far.
Anyway, on to the queries:
1. In your opinion, what is Ricky Rubio's ceiling as an NBA player?
How I think he'd answer: That depends on a few factors, namely what we put around him. We know the shooting is going to be a work in process, and that he's not going to do a lot of scoring initially. That means it's crucial we put a solid team around him, allowing him to affect the game in other ways. Frankly there are guys on the current roster who might not coexist well with him, and if conflicts emerge, they'll have to be moved.
It's also crucial that whoever is hired as the next coach has the right personality to deal with young, developing players and employs a system that meshes with his talents. I think that's where we got it wrong with Rambis, pairing up a coach from a veteran team with a young roster in a rebuilding project. Not to mention the nuances of the unique offense he wanted to run didn't really fit the talents of the draft picks that had just been made. Making a similar mistake this time could spell the end of things for me.
But with those caveats laid out, I see no reason Ricky can't be an NBA All-Star.
2. Speaking of Rambis, word is he's done. This has been pretty obvious for some time to anyone paying attention, why the delay on taking action?
How I think he'd answer: In hindsight, we've blown this one. Glen was dragging his feet, due to the money issue and his hope we could get out from underneath it somehow if Kurt quit or a lockout kicked in. I finally convinced him that the longer we left him twisting in the wind, the worse we were going to come off, and he gave me the go ahead.
3. Based on this situation and some others, the team's management and ownership aren't getting too much favorable publicity right now, do you think your personal and professional style is going to hurt you when dealing with free agents, coaching candidates and other front offices?
How I think he'd answer: Well that's really three questions. On the free agents, I think there are bigger issues that need to be overcome. Minnesota is not a desirable location for quite a few reasons, we're a losing team that plays in the league's coldest city and don't have a star player to draw other players here. It's a bit of a Catch-22 really, the team can't improve until we get better players, and we can't attract better players until the team improves. At this point the draft is our path back to being competitive, and so far it's yielded some pieces, now those pieces need to be turned into a team.
For coaching candidates, I'm not worried. NBA jobs are few and far between, so most coaches need to jump at the opportunities that arise. Although things haven't worked out with Kurt, it can't be denied that he was a hot commodity when we hired him, impressions of the franchise didn't hurt us there.
The topic of dealing with other front offices is more problematic, as I get the impression that most other GMs don't like me and want to see me fail. I know I brought a lot of this on myself by coming off arrogant and self-satisfied, but you have to understand, a lot of that was false bravado motivated by my own insecurity. When I was hired by Minnesota, I'd been out of the day-to-day NBA for five years. Before that, a lot of my experience was on the business side of basketball, not necessarily dealing with personnel. Sure, after being involved with the game for 20 years, some of it is like riding a bike, but here I was walking into a tough situation and a little unsure of my ability to fix it.
Consequently, I kind of acted like a prick. I'm not proud of it, part of it is just how I'm wired, I am a lawyer after all. I just hope that any other executives won't purposely avoid dealing with me when doing so will help their teams. Not only would that make them vindictive a**holes, it would make them stupid vindictive a**holes, but there I go again, so I'd probably better quit while I'm ahead.
4. Drafting either Kyrie Irving or Derrick Williams would seem to create a glut of players at either PG or PF. How desparate are you to trade this pick? If you can't which guy do you prefer?
How I think he'd answer: More desparate that a drunk girl who just got dumped by her boyfriend at bar close. The problem is, and from the looks of you, this isn't new info, the stink of desparation drives off the exact people you're trying to attract. This is a cutthroat business, and everyone out there knows we don't want to stick at #2, so they're trying to lowball us. Of course I'll never let that happen, as I've demonstrated before, I'm perfectly willing to cut off my nose to spite my face. If they don't give me what I want, I'll just take my ball and go home.
As for the player though, if it has to be one of the two, please let it be Williams. I can't imagine how much fun they'll have at my expense if I get painted into a corner and have to draft another point guard, the embarrassment would probably reverse the last 6 months of prickishness removal therapy I've undergone.
5. Do you ever kick yourself for some of the stuff you say? Calling Darko "manna from heaven", turning the hype machine up to 11 on Rubio and now having to backpedal?
How I think he'd answer: Sure, sometimes, but when you like the sound of your voice as much as I do, you're bound to talk a lot, and by default say some stupid things. I mean you've watched the Chris Webber interview, right? Breakfast and lunch, what the hell was I thinking? I sat down and got dead drunk after that one. But in my defense, Webber is a total dick.
So that's the conversation I wish I coule have with Mr. Kahn. A bit of candor and a lot less spin would go a long way in making the guy palatable, likeable is probably too big a stretch.
But as I've said many times, I'll take jerks who win over likeable losers any time. Now please Dave, try not to do anything embarrassing tonight.
Never has the need for a bit of unvarnished truth been greater than when dealing with current Timerberwolves boss David Kahn.
I have to admit, I've never been much of a fan. Doing word association with Kahn brings up words like "weasel", "shifty" and "smug". Smugness may in fact be his defining characteristic. He definitely comes off as much more of a lawyer than a basketball guy, but perhaps that's not a bad thing. After all, the team's last GM was a basketball guy through and through, and we know how that turned out. But I can't help thinking that Kahn's off-putting style isn't going to ingratiate him to fans or his fellow GMs, it certainly hasn't so far.
Anyway, on to the queries:
1. In your opinion, what is Ricky Rubio's ceiling as an NBA player?
How I think he'd answer: That depends on a few factors, namely what we put around him. We know the shooting is going to be a work in process, and that he's not going to do a lot of scoring initially. That means it's crucial we put a solid team around him, allowing him to affect the game in other ways. Frankly there are guys on the current roster who might not coexist well with him, and if conflicts emerge, they'll have to be moved.
It's also crucial that whoever is hired as the next coach has the right personality to deal with young, developing players and employs a system that meshes with his talents. I think that's where we got it wrong with Rambis, pairing up a coach from a veteran team with a young roster in a rebuilding project. Not to mention the nuances of the unique offense he wanted to run didn't really fit the talents of the draft picks that had just been made. Making a similar mistake this time could spell the end of things for me.
But with those caveats laid out, I see no reason Ricky can't be an NBA All-Star.
2. Speaking of Rambis, word is he's done. This has been pretty obvious for some time to anyone paying attention, why the delay on taking action?
How I think he'd answer: In hindsight, we've blown this one. Glen was dragging his feet, due to the money issue and his hope we could get out from underneath it somehow if Kurt quit or a lockout kicked in. I finally convinced him that the longer we left him twisting in the wind, the worse we were going to come off, and he gave me the go ahead.
3. Based on this situation and some others, the team's management and ownership aren't getting too much favorable publicity right now, do you think your personal and professional style is going to hurt you when dealing with free agents, coaching candidates and other front offices?
How I think he'd answer: Well that's really three questions. On the free agents, I think there are bigger issues that need to be overcome. Minnesota is not a desirable location for quite a few reasons, we're a losing team that plays in the league's coldest city and don't have a star player to draw other players here. It's a bit of a Catch-22 really, the team can't improve until we get better players, and we can't attract better players until the team improves. At this point the draft is our path back to being competitive, and so far it's yielded some pieces, now those pieces need to be turned into a team.
For coaching candidates, I'm not worried. NBA jobs are few and far between, so most coaches need to jump at the opportunities that arise. Although things haven't worked out with Kurt, it can't be denied that he was a hot commodity when we hired him, impressions of the franchise didn't hurt us there.
The topic of dealing with other front offices is more problematic, as I get the impression that most other GMs don't like me and want to see me fail. I know I brought a lot of this on myself by coming off arrogant and self-satisfied, but you have to understand, a lot of that was false bravado motivated by my own insecurity. When I was hired by Minnesota, I'd been out of the day-to-day NBA for five years. Before that, a lot of my experience was on the business side of basketball, not necessarily dealing with personnel. Sure, after being involved with the game for 20 years, some of it is like riding a bike, but here I was walking into a tough situation and a little unsure of my ability to fix it.
Consequently, I kind of acted like a prick. I'm not proud of it, part of it is just how I'm wired, I am a lawyer after all. I just hope that any other executives won't purposely avoid dealing with me when doing so will help their teams. Not only would that make them vindictive a**holes, it would make them stupid vindictive a**holes, but there I go again, so I'd probably better quit while I'm ahead.
4. Drafting either Kyrie Irving or Derrick Williams would seem to create a glut of players at either PG or PF. How desparate are you to trade this pick? If you can't which guy do you prefer?
How I think he'd answer: More desparate that a drunk girl who just got dumped by her boyfriend at bar close. The problem is, and from the looks of you, this isn't new info, the stink of desparation drives off the exact people you're trying to attract. This is a cutthroat business, and everyone out there knows we don't want to stick at #2, so they're trying to lowball us. Of course I'll never let that happen, as I've demonstrated before, I'm perfectly willing to cut off my nose to spite my face. If they don't give me what I want, I'll just take my ball and go home.
As for the player though, if it has to be one of the two, please let it be Williams. I can't imagine how much fun they'll have at my expense if I get painted into a corner and have to draft another point guard, the embarrassment would probably reverse the last 6 months of prickishness removal therapy I've undergone.
5. Do you ever kick yourself for some of the stuff you say? Calling Darko "manna from heaven", turning the hype machine up to 11 on Rubio and now having to backpedal?
How I think he'd answer: Sure, sometimes, but when you like the sound of your voice as much as I do, you're bound to talk a lot, and by default say some stupid things. I mean you've watched the Chris Webber interview, right? Breakfast and lunch, what the hell was I thinking? I sat down and got dead drunk after that one. But in my defense, Webber is a total dick.
So that's the conversation I wish I coule have with Mr. Kahn. A bit of candor and a lot less spin would go a long way in making the guy palatable, likeable is probably too big a stretch.
But as I've said many times, I'll take jerks who win over likeable losers any time. Now please Dave, try not to do anything embarrassing tonight.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Stock Watch: 6/17/11
The best (at least not involving the home teams) playoff season in recent memory has concluded, and I have to say I'm feeling some withdrawl. It's never easy to say goodbye to the 2+ month stretch of a good game or two every night. Particularly when the local ballclub isn't doing much to inspire interest.
But life goes on, and we do have a few interesting developments on the local sports scene this week. Most appear positive at the moment, but the question is, will they remain that way in the long term? Not surprisingly, I have some opinions:
Buy - Ricky Rubio as a Timberwolf
Sure I'm the guy who's spent the past two years saying that Rubio would never see the court for the Wolves, even made a wager to that end. I also continue think he's probably more style than substance at this point, and wouldn't be surprised if he ends up an NBA flop. But hey, when you're dealing with the worst franchise in the league, there's nowhere to go but up, and waiting this long has certainly added to the intrigue. Whatever shortcomings may exist in Rubio's game, the fact remains that he's younger than most of the players on the team, and should certainly get plenty of minutes to figure things out once he arrives. Hope is all this team has got, and he makes up the lion's share. Here's to the few Wolves diehards out there, I'm happy for you and hope it works out.
Sell - Mike Yeo, Minnesota Wild coach
Admittedly, I don't know much about this guy, other than what I've read the past few weeks. He could very well be the next great NHL coach. But put me in the same camp as most Wild fans today, who are questioning the idea of going with another unproven guy behind the bench. Yeo has a few things in his bio that I like: Experience with a Cup winner, history of working well with young talent, sweet name (pronounced Yo!, how can you top that?). But there are also some things causing a scratch of the head.
If the Wild are looking to embrace a youth movement, that's great, it's been long overdue. Unfortunately, the team is lacking a couple of key ingredients for said movement to be successful, most notably a group of talented young players who are ready to contribute. Sure they have a few decent prospects scattered about, but there's no one who really blows your doors off. Colton Gillies is a player who's been quick to credit Yeo with aiding his development, and he certainly ended things on a good note with a strong playoff run. But 11 goals and 15 assists in 64 AHL games doesn't offer the impression that our scoring woes are about to be a thing of the past. Last year's first round pick is staying in Finland for another season, the rest of the best are on the blue line, where the team is already somewhat strong, what youth is going to be here for Coach Yeo to mold next season?
Add this to my familiar refrain of "capped out, bad contracts" and what exactly is the radical plan which will make this situation different than what Todd Richards dealt with? Perhaps there were personality issues hastening Richards departure that we're not privy to, but does Yeo have a better shot gaining the confidence of a mostly veteran than Richard's would've in year 3? It's just a perplexing move. All along I figured the Wild were going in the MacTavish/Hitchcock direction, a veteran guy who could command the lockerroom and coax more production out the (many) underperforming veterans on the roster. Instead they head the opposite way, hiring a name that appears to lack the cachet to excite season ticketholders and the gravitas to hold the attention of the vets.
But if you want the positive spin, listening to the Barreiro show yesterday, they likened this move to the Steelers hiring Mike Tomlin away from the Vikings a few years ago, a situation with many similarities. The only problem is, that was the Steelers and this is the Wild. One team makes good decisions, the other, not so much.
Hold - The red hot Minnesota Twins
The past couple of weeks has brought the ballclub back from the dead, but they're still on life support. One bad stretch pushing them back into double digits would put us right back at square one. Sure the return of Joe Mauer and the Japanese shortstop (he's being acknowledged generically until he justifies his presence) should help, but who knows, it could also mess up whatever odd chemistry they've found lately.
Playing the second half of June the same way they did the first would do a lot to convince me that this isn't just a blip. It starts tonight with a mediocre San Diego team and a series they should take 2 out of 3 in.
But life goes on, and we do have a few interesting developments on the local sports scene this week. Most appear positive at the moment, but the question is, will they remain that way in the long term? Not surprisingly, I have some opinions:
Buy - Ricky Rubio as a Timberwolf
Sure I'm the guy who's spent the past two years saying that Rubio would never see the court for the Wolves, even made a wager to that end. I also continue think he's probably more style than substance at this point, and wouldn't be surprised if he ends up an NBA flop. But hey, when you're dealing with the worst franchise in the league, there's nowhere to go but up, and waiting this long has certainly added to the intrigue. Whatever shortcomings may exist in Rubio's game, the fact remains that he's younger than most of the players on the team, and should certainly get plenty of minutes to figure things out once he arrives. Hope is all this team has got, and he makes up the lion's share. Here's to the few Wolves diehards out there, I'm happy for you and hope it works out.
Sell - Mike Yeo, Minnesota Wild coach
Admittedly, I don't know much about this guy, other than what I've read the past few weeks. He could very well be the next great NHL coach. But put me in the same camp as most Wild fans today, who are questioning the idea of going with another unproven guy behind the bench. Yeo has a few things in his bio that I like: Experience with a Cup winner, history of working well with young talent, sweet name (pronounced Yo!, how can you top that?). But there are also some things causing a scratch of the head.
If the Wild are looking to embrace a youth movement, that's great, it's been long overdue. Unfortunately, the team is lacking a couple of key ingredients for said movement to be successful, most notably a group of talented young players who are ready to contribute. Sure they have a few decent prospects scattered about, but there's no one who really blows your doors off. Colton Gillies is a player who's been quick to credit Yeo with aiding his development, and he certainly ended things on a good note with a strong playoff run. But 11 goals and 15 assists in 64 AHL games doesn't offer the impression that our scoring woes are about to be a thing of the past. Last year's first round pick is staying in Finland for another season, the rest of the best are on the blue line, where the team is already somewhat strong, what youth is going to be here for Coach Yeo to mold next season?
Add this to my familiar refrain of "capped out, bad contracts" and what exactly is the radical plan which will make this situation different than what Todd Richards dealt with? Perhaps there were personality issues hastening Richards departure that we're not privy to, but does Yeo have a better shot gaining the confidence of a mostly veteran than Richard's would've in year 3? It's just a perplexing move. All along I figured the Wild were going in the MacTavish/Hitchcock direction, a veteran guy who could command the lockerroom and coax more production out the (many) underperforming veterans on the roster. Instead they head the opposite way, hiring a name that appears to lack the cachet to excite season ticketholders and the gravitas to hold the attention of the vets.
But if you want the positive spin, listening to the Barreiro show yesterday, they likened this move to the Steelers hiring Mike Tomlin away from the Vikings a few years ago, a situation with many similarities. The only problem is, that was the Steelers and this is the Wild. One team makes good decisions, the other, not so much.
Hold - The red hot Minnesota Twins
The past couple of weeks has brought the ballclub back from the dead, but they're still on life support. One bad stretch pushing them back into double digits would put us right back at square one. Sure the return of Joe Mauer and the Japanese shortstop (he's being acknowledged generically until he justifies his presence) should help, but who knows, it could also mess up whatever odd chemistry they've found lately.
Playing the second half of June the same way they did the first would do a lot to convince me that this isn't just a blip. It starts tonight with a mediocre San Diego team and a series they should take 2 out of 3 in.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Blink and you missed it
Well here it is folks, one way or another, the NHL season will end this evening, a scant 8 1/2 months after it began. It seems like only yesterday I was watching the Wild open up the season in Finland over my lunch hour, and now here we are, awaiting Game 7 of the Stanley Cup.
Actually that's not true, it doesn't seem like yesterday, but an interminably long time ago. Fall has turned to winter, winter to more winter, more winter into spring, spring back into winter, winter into summer and then summer back into spring, yet the game of hockey continues. Not a complaint, happy to milk as much as possible out of potentially the last intriguing thing on the sports calendar until college football season.
But with that being said, 8 1/2 months is a long damn time.
Think about all that's happened since that first puck dropped. The Twins went meekly against the Yankees, Vikings crashed and burned, Wild gave us a few less-than-compelling months on the playoff bubble, Gopher sports went belly up across the board, the Timberwolves turned in one of their worst campaigns ever and the Sioux hockey team choked. That is a staggering amount of futility to fit into one hockey season. The funny (perhaps masochistic) part? After tonight I'm going to find myself counting the days until we get to do it all over again.
Sure the Twins may get their act together enough to make things interesting, but there's no real chance of a true contender emerging from the current rabble. This team isn't even good enough to be compared with all the teams that weren't good enough previously. It's more than likely the next few weeks will be spent watching a them yo-yo up and down the standings while wondering if football is going to start on time. That won't be so bad, everyone has limits on the amount of futility they can endure, and summers are needed to recharge the batteries. But with that said, 10 weeks with only a bad baseball team to keep me company seems daunting, especially if the clock stays stuck on April, as it's been so far this "summer".
That's enough of that though, because things aren't quite over yet, we still have one game to determine who takes the Cup and who goes home empty handed. Game 7, one fanbase will exit with elation, the other with despair. There's nothing else like it, all we can as spectators is hope the game lives up to the anticipation.
Karma had a good start to the week, with Dallas finishing off Miami and the justice of team play trumpingthe tyranny of mercenary ball. It seems to me that the Bruins bouncing the Canucks, in all their diving/whining/biting glory, would be another victory for truth, justice and the (duh) American way. I called Vancouver in 6, still think it will be Vancouver in 7, and still want Boston to win...I think.
Although I've always detested the Vancouver Canucks due to the dirty hacks they employ, there's something about a long-suffering fanbase finally winning the big one that always gets me. Sure Boston hockey fans have also gond 40 years without winning a title, but can you really say any sportsfan in that town is suffering these days? A Bruins title would officially give the Patriots, who everyone would agree were the NFL franchise of the 2000s, the longest title drought among Boston teams. Now I've never harbored any particular hate for the Beantown squads, and was always a bit of a Bruins fan to be honest. But that is a staggering embarrassment of riches that is making me think twice about my rooting interest.
Salo, Sopel, Burrows, Cooke, the Sedins and of course Todd Bertuzzi, all hateable players who've made me come to loathe Vancouver over the last decade. But should the fact that they employ hacks, punks and dandies be used against the team's fans? I'm not so sure. Sure it's tough to separate one from the other, but I do know there are a lot of dedicated Canucks fans out there who a win would mean the world too, and have been waiting a long time to see it happen. It's doubtful that I can bring myself to root for them, but after reading the stories of Canucks fans and the city's angst, I can certainly identify with their pain. A small part of me will be happy for them if they finally get their reward. After all, if you're concerned about karma, it would be decidedly poor to root against a group of fellow losers.
Tomorrow, we start worry about baseball and figure out if I need to strap dynamite to my chest and make a pilgrimmage to the NFL labor meetings in Chicago, more to come.
Actually that's not true, it doesn't seem like yesterday, but an interminably long time ago. Fall has turned to winter, winter to more winter, more winter into spring, spring back into winter, winter into summer and then summer back into spring, yet the game of hockey continues. Not a complaint, happy to milk as much as possible out of potentially the last intriguing thing on the sports calendar until college football season.
But with that being said, 8 1/2 months is a long damn time.
Think about all that's happened since that first puck dropped. The Twins went meekly against the Yankees, Vikings crashed and burned, Wild gave us a few less-than-compelling months on the playoff bubble, Gopher sports went belly up across the board, the Timberwolves turned in one of their worst campaigns ever and the Sioux hockey team choked. That is a staggering amount of futility to fit into one hockey season. The funny (perhaps masochistic) part? After tonight I'm going to find myself counting the days until we get to do it all over again.
Sure the Twins may get their act together enough to make things interesting, but there's no real chance of a true contender emerging from the current rabble. This team isn't even good enough to be compared with all the teams that weren't good enough previously. It's more than likely the next few weeks will be spent watching a them yo-yo up and down the standings while wondering if football is going to start on time. That won't be so bad, everyone has limits on the amount of futility they can endure, and summers are needed to recharge the batteries. But with that said, 10 weeks with only a bad baseball team to keep me company seems daunting, especially if the clock stays stuck on April, as it's been so far this "summer".
That's enough of that though, because things aren't quite over yet, we still have one game to determine who takes the Cup and who goes home empty handed. Game 7, one fanbase will exit with elation, the other with despair. There's nothing else like it, all we can as spectators is hope the game lives up to the anticipation.
Karma had a good start to the week, with Dallas finishing off Miami and the justice of team play trumpingthe tyranny of mercenary ball. It seems to me that the Bruins bouncing the Canucks, in all their diving/whining/biting glory, would be another victory for truth, justice and the (duh) American way. I called Vancouver in 6, still think it will be Vancouver in 7, and still want Boston to win...I think.
Although I've always detested the Vancouver Canucks due to the dirty hacks they employ, there's something about a long-suffering fanbase finally winning the big one that always gets me. Sure Boston hockey fans have also gond 40 years without winning a title, but can you really say any sportsfan in that town is suffering these days? A Bruins title would officially give the Patriots, who everyone would agree were the NFL franchise of the 2000s, the longest title drought among Boston teams. Now I've never harbored any particular hate for the Beantown squads, and was always a bit of a Bruins fan to be honest. But that is a staggering embarrassment of riches that is making me think twice about my rooting interest.
Salo, Sopel, Burrows, Cooke, the Sedins and of course Todd Bertuzzi, all hateable players who've made me come to loathe Vancouver over the last decade. But should the fact that they employ hacks, punks and dandies be used against the team's fans? I'm not so sure. Sure it's tough to separate one from the other, but I do know there are a lot of dedicated Canucks fans out there who a win would mean the world too, and have been waiting a long time to see it happen. It's doubtful that I can bring myself to root for them, but after reading the stories of Canucks fans and the city's angst, I can certainly identify with their pain. A small part of me will be happy for them if they finally get their reward. After all, if you're concerned about karma, it would be decidedly poor to root against a group of fellow losers.
Tomorrow, we start worry about baseball and figure out if I need to strap dynamite to my chest and make a pilgrimmage to the NFL labor meetings in Chicago, more to come.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
A Sporting Chance
Based on the proliferation of alleged “sports programming” appearing on television these days, I thought it might be advisable to post a little PSA reminding the public of exactly what constitutes a sport. Many activities, hobbies, and interests are being passed off as sports these days. This is itself is not a major issue, people can spend their time on whatever pursuits they deem worthy. What is a major issue is the fact these people demand the crap they’re screwing around with be given equal priority with actual sports (Yes, I am talking to you, NASCAR and MMA fans demanding that playoff games be switched off to accommodate you’re flavor-of-the-week pseudo sport).
So what’s a sport? Glad you asked. In my mind there are only four, “the four major sports”, as they were called before America lost its attention span: Football, Baseball, Hockey and Basketball. You probably have a lot of questions about particular things you’ve enjoyed playing or watching over the years, so let’s take them one by one and dispel a few misconceptions.
Running – Simplest of all. Running is not a sport, it’s something you do to escape danger or get somewhere more quickly. Running can’t be a sport, because if running is a sport, then walking is a sport, and then everything any human or lower primate can do qualifies, and the conversation loses all meaning. There are a bunch of things that people do for leisure, to stay in shape, etc. that suddenly become sports when a stopwatch gets involved. That’s BS, it’s either a sport all the time or not at all.
Swimming – Another no brainer, swimming is not a sport, swimming is a way to keep from drowning. To test this theory, I submit that the during the next Olympics, all participants should get in the pool and stop swimming for a period of 20-30 minutes. Of course this sounds nonsensical, because if they stop swimming, they will DIE! Once again, extending the logic, attaching sports status to swimming means we also need to add breathing, eating and using the toilet to the list, which would lower the bar tremendously.
Soccer – This one may be a bit more contentious, as it is the most popular “game” in the world, but my argument is still sound. Soccer can’t be a sport because you don’t use your hands. Rendering moot the opposable thumb, the most impressive feat of human evolution ever to occur, is not a good basis for your “game”. I call it a “game”, because that’s what it strikes me as, something children would concocting in a schoolyard on the level of “tag” or “hide & seek”. You try to get the ball into the goal, but you can’t use your hands? Does this strike anyone as being along the same lines as “the sand is lava” or “no tag-backs”? Frankly I think the whole thing mocks the armless member of society. A pair of perfectly good arms and you can’t even use them? You’re a heartless bunch soccer fans.
Boxing/Wrestling/MMA – These aren’t sports because if they took place in a public park or on a street corner, both participants would be arrested. You might think that’s a weak reason, but it’s my list, so there.
Golf/Bowling/Darts/Billiards – Leisure activities, all of them. No possibly way they can be sports, because no physical exertion is required. I like golf as much as the next guy, but it’s barely past hobby status, whether you’re a professional or hack. To qualify as a sport, at some point you have to at least get winded. Plus all of these things are either played exclusively indoors or outdoors, true sports can be played in either situation.
Figure skating/Gymnastics/Anything else involving judges – The essence of sport is competition, and that competition can’t occur reliably in the face of uncertainty. I don’t care if you’re playing in the NBA or your driveway, the ball going through the hoop means points. Now you can give me that weak argument about how “referees are like judges” but give me a break, a weak call is not even remotely comparable to the French judge knocking off two-tenths of a point because she’s upset about your choice of outfit.
Lacrosse – I have no idea what to call this, believe it’s a blending of several different things. You have some hockey elements in there with the helmets and sticks, a little jai alai thing happening with the ball, some cricket nuances in the 360-degree field of play. In the end that all amounts to some rich boy nonsense for pussies who couldn’t hack it on the football or hockey teams. They don’t even have a true professional league. Sure some guys moonlight as lacrosse “pros”, but come Monday they’re back at their data processing job hating life like the rest of us. Matter of fact, I’m kind of upset by all the cakeeater high schools that are playing this garbage these days, like a virus we caught from the East Coast. Listen here you elitist preppy types, you’re trying my patience. If I ever hear of school where the football team goes under after too many of your mommies pushed you toward this joke because they were too afraid to let you play a man’s game, there will be hell to pay.
Auto racing – Not even going to dignify this with a reponse, give me a break. And if you want to use the “more popular than hockey” comeback, well that’s fine. As long as you remember that’s only the case because so many people in this country are now so stupid, they not only consider watching a car driving in circles to be entertainment, IT’S THE ONLY F*CKING THING THEIR PEA-SIZED BRAINS CAN PROCESS!!!
Skiiing – There’s no ball, puck or other item put in play around which the thing is based. FAIL.
Hunting/Fishing – These aren’t sports, they’re methods of feeding oneself. Do you think that when prehistoric man left the comfort of his cave to risk his life hunting mammoth, thoughts of fun and leisure were top of his mind? Besides, any true sport needs both sides to have at least the possibility of winning. Has the pheasant or fish ever “won” one of these encounters? They might lived to get killed another day, but simply surviving doesn’t equate to a win in my book. Now if you’re the kind of guy who goes after bear with a buck knife, there might be some possibilities here, but until then, I say no sir.
Softball – Softball isn’t a sport, it’s an excuse for 30-40something guys to get away from their wives one night a week to drink beer and relive the mediocre athletic accomplishments of their youth. Beer drinking as the basis for any activity disqualifies it for consideration as a sport. You can shoot for the loophole on women’s college softball, as no beer is being consumed, but they still throw the ball underhand, which is a no-no in any self-respecting sport.
Cycling – Beyond the “no ball” problem cropping up again (not a Lance Armstrong joke), the most popular event for this activity takes place in France. Nothing that has its flagship event occurring in France could possibly be called a sport. Again, my list.
Tennis – This can’t be a sport because it’s played on about 10 different surfaces with fundamentally different characteristics. Tennis on grass is different from tennis on clay, which is different from tennis on a hardcourt. Players records back this up, the ones who are all super nimble thrive on clay, the big hitters on hard surfaces, and a whole bunch of stuff in between. Now you make think you have me in a box on basketball, because it’s played on both a wood floor and blacktop. But that’s not the point, because in both of those situations, basketball remains fundamentally the same game, whereas tennis is all over the board. It would be akin to playing football on a different sized field every week, first it’s 100 x 55 yards, then it’s 200 x 80, third time around its 80 x 40. Different teams would fare better on different sized fields, everything would change from one game to the next. Sounds ridiculous right? Well it would be, and that’s why tennis can’t be a sport.
Volleyball – This thing doesn’t even know what it is. Are we playing indoors or out? Two-person or full team? Sand, wood, pavement? Volleyball needs to get its own participants on the same page before I stop to consider the issue.
So there it is, justification for my theory that there are only four true sports. I’m sure many people would disagree, but if I cared about what other people thought, I’d be out talking to them instead of spending 1,500 words documenting my own thoughts.
As always, enjoy whatever it is you enjoy, but keep in mind, it’s not a sport.
So what’s a sport? Glad you asked. In my mind there are only four, “the four major sports”, as they were called before America lost its attention span: Football, Baseball, Hockey and Basketball. You probably have a lot of questions about particular things you’ve enjoyed playing or watching over the years, so let’s take them one by one and dispel a few misconceptions.
Running – Simplest of all. Running is not a sport, it’s something you do to escape danger or get somewhere more quickly. Running can’t be a sport, because if running is a sport, then walking is a sport, and then everything any human or lower primate can do qualifies, and the conversation loses all meaning. There are a bunch of things that people do for leisure, to stay in shape, etc. that suddenly become sports when a stopwatch gets involved. That’s BS, it’s either a sport all the time or not at all.
Swimming – Another no brainer, swimming is not a sport, swimming is a way to keep from drowning. To test this theory, I submit that the during the next Olympics, all participants should get in the pool and stop swimming for a period of 20-30 minutes. Of course this sounds nonsensical, because if they stop swimming, they will DIE! Once again, extending the logic, attaching sports status to swimming means we also need to add breathing, eating and using the toilet to the list, which would lower the bar tremendously.
Soccer – This one may be a bit more contentious, as it is the most popular “game” in the world, but my argument is still sound. Soccer can’t be a sport because you don’t use your hands. Rendering moot the opposable thumb, the most impressive feat of human evolution ever to occur, is not a good basis for your “game”. I call it a “game”, because that’s what it strikes me as, something children would concocting in a schoolyard on the level of “tag” or “hide & seek”. You try to get the ball into the goal, but you can’t use your hands? Does this strike anyone as being along the same lines as “the sand is lava” or “no tag-backs”? Frankly I think the whole thing mocks the armless member of society. A pair of perfectly good arms and you can’t even use them? You’re a heartless bunch soccer fans.
Boxing/Wrestling/MMA – These aren’t sports because if they took place in a public park or on a street corner, both participants would be arrested. You might think that’s a weak reason, but it’s my list, so there.
Golf/Bowling/Darts/Billiards – Leisure activities, all of them. No possibly way they can be sports, because no physical exertion is required. I like golf as much as the next guy, but it’s barely past hobby status, whether you’re a professional or hack. To qualify as a sport, at some point you have to at least get winded. Plus all of these things are either played exclusively indoors or outdoors, true sports can be played in either situation.
Figure skating/Gymnastics/Anything else involving judges – The essence of sport is competition, and that competition can’t occur reliably in the face of uncertainty. I don’t care if you’re playing in the NBA or your driveway, the ball going through the hoop means points. Now you can give me that weak argument about how “referees are like judges” but give me a break, a weak call is not even remotely comparable to the French judge knocking off two-tenths of a point because she’s upset about your choice of outfit.
Lacrosse – I have no idea what to call this, believe it’s a blending of several different things. You have some hockey elements in there with the helmets and sticks, a little jai alai thing happening with the ball, some cricket nuances in the 360-degree field of play. In the end that all amounts to some rich boy nonsense for pussies who couldn’t hack it on the football or hockey teams. They don’t even have a true professional league. Sure some guys moonlight as lacrosse “pros”, but come Monday they’re back at their data processing job hating life like the rest of us. Matter of fact, I’m kind of upset by all the cakeeater high schools that are playing this garbage these days, like a virus we caught from the East Coast. Listen here you elitist preppy types, you’re trying my patience. If I ever hear of school where the football team goes under after too many of your mommies pushed you toward this joke because they were too afraid to let you play a man’s game, there will be hell to pay.
Auto racing – Not even going to dignify this with a reponse, give me a break. And if you want to use the “more popular than hockey” comeback, well that’s fine. As long as you remember that’s only the case because so many people in this country are now so stupid, they not only consider watching a car driving in circles to be entertainment, IT’S THE ONLY F*CKING THING THEIR PEA-SIZED BRAINS CAN PROCESS!!!
Skiiing – There’s no ball, puck or other item put in play around which the thing is based. FAIL.
Hunting/Fishing – These aren’t sports, they’re methods of feeding oneself. Do you think that when prehistoric man left the comfort of his cave to risk his life hunting mammoth, thoughts of fun and leisure were top of his mind? Besides, any true sport needs both sides to have at least the possibility of winning. Has the pheasant or fish ever “won” one of these encounters? They might lived to get killed another day, but simply surviving doesn’t equate to a win in my book. Now if you’re the kind of guy who goes after bear with a buck knife, there might be some possibilities here, but until then, I say no sir.
Softball – Softball isn’t a sport, it’s an excuse for 30-40something guys to get away from their wives one night a week to drink beer and relive the mediocre athletic accomplishments of their youth. Beer drinking as the basis for any activity disqualifies it for consideration as a sport. You can shoot for the loophole on women’s college softball, as no beer is being consumed, but they still throw the ball underhand, which is a no-no in any self-respecting sport.
Cycling – Beyond the “no ball” problem cropping up again (not a Lance Armstrong joke), the most popular event for this activity takes place in France. Nothing that has its flagship event occurring in France could possibly be called a sport. Again, my list.
Tennis – This can’t be a sport because it’s played on about 10 different surfaces with fundamentally different characteristics. Tennis on grass is different from tennis on clay, which is different from tennis on a hardcourt. Players records back this up, the ones who are all super nimble thrive on clay, the big hitters on hard surfaces, and a whole bunch of stuff in between. Now you make think you have me in a box on basketball, because it’s played on both a wood floor and blacktop. But that’s not the point, because in both of those situations, basketball remains fundamentally the same game, whereas tennis is all over the board. It would be akin to playing football on a different sized field every week, first it’s 100 x 55 yards, then it’s 200 x 80, third time around its 80 x 40. Different teams would fare better on different sized fields, everything would change from one game to the next. Sounds ridiculous right? Well it would be, and that’s why tennis can’t be a sport.
Volleyball – This thing doesn’t even know what it is. Are we playing indoors or out? Two-person or full team? Sand, wood, pavement? Volleyball needs to get its own participants on the same page before I stop to consider the issue.
So there it is, justification for my theory that there are only four true sports. I’m sure many people would disagree, but if I cared about what other people thought, I’d be out talking to them instead of spending 1,500 words documenting my own thoughts.
As always, enjoy whatever it is you enjoy, but keep in mind, it’s not a sport.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
The Finals Countdown
Two great sets of playoffs are each in their final series, and so far the games are proving worthy of what preceeded them.
In no particular order, the Top 5 things I'm enjoying about the NBA and NHL Finals:
1) LeBron, The Invisible Man
Okay, I said in no particular order, but I had to put this number one. The Stanley Cup Finals may matter infinitely more to me than their NBA counterpart, but some things are bigger than the particular sport. Much like the New York Yankees, LeBron is the embodiment of many things I hate about sports. The last year of his life has been one long commercial for the premise of the mercenary athlete, who's only concern is what's best for himself. More are sure to follow his lead, and for that I will forever be rooting against him. No athlete owes anyone anything, that much is true, but when a guy gets this staggeringly self-absorbed, it's fun to watch him fail. Here's hoping it continues.
2) The Nathan Horton Hit
This wasn't great from the perspective that it put one of the Bruins most productive players out for the rest of the series, but it galvanized the Bruins and was nice as a reminder of what a pack of cheapshot b*tches the Vancouver Canucks are. After listening to some of the quotes coming from coaches and players about Aaron Rome's blast to Horton's head, I had a moment of doubt. I've been around enough hockey fans in my life to know that two people can look at the same hit and see two completely different things, usually due to the tint of the glasses they wear while watching the games. So I went back and watched it again. You know what? My opinion hasn't changed one iota. You can throw out all the phrases you want about "finishing your check" and quote rulebook passages making it sound better than it was, but I know what I saw. I saw Horton get rid of the puck, take two strides, then get leveled by Rome, who left his skates while driving up through Horton's head. If he still had the puck, or didn't raise up to contact his head, there's an argument to be made, but frankly I think there's no argument. Henrik Sedin thinks it was a clean hit? Well in that case, I hope he is on the receiving end of one just like it this evening.
3) Amazing Goaltending
Tim Thomas' odd move in the Game 2 OT and Roberto Luongo's sieve out in Game 3 notwithstanding, the goaltending in this year's Cup Finals has been unbelievable. My sincere hope is that Thomas continues his run of great play, and Luongo reverts back to his habit of being a headcase. Monday's third period was comical, one of those shooting boards with the corners cut out would've fared better than Boberto. It looked like he was trying to keep hockey pucks out of a soccer net. Fitting, since he's always looked more like a member of the Italian national team than the Canadian one. I'd say it was so bad, you almost felt sorry for him, but that would be a lie, at no point did I come close to feeling anything but contempt for any Vancouver player. Nor will I.
4) Dirk Delivers
He's got a torn hand ligament, the flu, dysentery, typhoid fever, gout, still nothing can stop Dirk Nowitzki. I'm still slightly amazed that the Mavericks were in a position to win last night, after watching them clang 8-10 open jumpers in the last 5 minutes, but once they were, it was once again Dirk who sealed the deal. I liked Charles Barkley, was indifferent on Gary Payton, kind of hated Karl Malone, but I wanted each of them to win a title. It just seems like anyone doing something at such a high level for that long deserves a better fate than walking away empty handed. Dallas has played well, but also been a bit fortunate that Miami has lacked the killer instinct to put them away. Winning two of the next three games is still a tall order, particularly if LeBron remembers he's the best player in the league one of these nights. Until that happens Miami, remember that coffee is for closers.
5) Degree of Difficulty
I'm in Minnesota, it was 103 degrees yesterday, and tonight there's a professional hockey game on.
Just wanted to put that in print, because I'm 100% certain it's the first time anyone has been able to.
In no particular order, the Top 5 things I'm enjoying about the NBA and NHL Finals:
1) LeBron, The Invisible Man
Okay, I said in no particular order, but I had to put this number one. The Stanley Cup Finals may matter infinitely more to me than their NBA counterpart, but some things are bigger than the particular sport. Much like the New York Yankees, LeBron is the embodiment of many things I hate about sports. The last year of his life has been one long commercial for the premise of the mercenary athlete, who's only concern is what's best for himself. More are sure to follow his lead, and for that I will forever be rooting against him. No athlete owes anyone anything, that much is true, but when a guy gets this staggeringly self-absorbed, it's fun to watch him fail. Here's hoping it continues.
2) The Nathan Horton Hit
This wasn't great from the perspective that it put one of the Bruins most productive players out for the rest of the series, but it galvanized the Bruins and was nice as a reminder of what a pack of cheapshot b*tches the Vancouver Canucks are. After listening to some of the quotes coming from coaches and players about Aaron Rome's blast to Horton's head, I had a moment of doubt. I've been around enough hockey fans in my life to know that two people can look at the same hit and see two completely different things, usually due to the tint of the glasses they wear while watching the games. So I went back and watched it again. You know what? My opinion hasn't changed one iota. You can throw out all the phrases you want about "finishing your check" and quote rulebook passages making it sound better than it was, but I know what I saw. I saw Horton get rid of the puck, take two strides, then get leveled by Rome, who left his skates while driving up through Horton's head. If he still had the puck, or didn't raise up to contact his head, there's an argument to be made, but frankly I think there's no argument. Henrik Sedin thinks it was a clean hit? Well in that case, I hope he is on the receiving end of one just like it this evening.
3) Amazing Goaltending
Tim Thomas' odd move in the Game 2 OT and Roberto Luongo's sieve out in Game 3 notwithstanding, the goaltending in this year's Cup Finals has been unbelievable. My sincere hope is that Thomas continues his run of great play, and Luongo reverts back to his habit of being a headcase. Monday's third period was comical, one of those shooting boards with the corners cut out would've fared better than Boberto. It looked like he was trying to keep hockey pucks out of a soccer net. Fitting, since he's always looked more like a member of the Italian national team than the Canadian one. I'd say it was so bad, you almost felt sorry for him, but that would be a lie, at no point did I come close to feeling anything but contempt for any Vancouver player. Nor will I.
4) Dirk Delivers
He's got a torn hand ligament, the flu, dysentery, typhoid fever, gout, still nothing can stop Dirk Nowitzki. I'm still slightly amazed that the Mavericks were in a position to win last night, after watching them clang 8-10 open jumpers in the last 5 minutes, but once they were, it was once again Dirk who sealed the deal. I liked Charles Barkley, was indifferent on Gary Payton, kind of hated Karl Malone, but I wanted each of them to win a title. It just seems like anyone doing something at such a high level for that long deserves a better fate than walking away empty handed. Dallas has played well, but also been a bit fortunate that Miami has lacked the killer instinct to put them away. Winning two of the next three games is still a tall order, particularly if LeBron remembers he's the best player in the league one of these nights. Until that happens Miami, remember that coffee is for closers.
5) Degree of Difficulty
I'm in Minnesota, it was 103 degrees yesterday, and tonight there's a professional hockey game on.
Just wanted to put that in print, because I'm 100% certain it's the first time anyone has been able to.
Friday, June 3, 2011
A Rant and a Rave
I've never considered myself the kind of person likely to go postal. No doubt more than a few people who've watched sporting events with me would disagree, but I swear it's true. It's not because I'm against ending the lives of those who's existence I don't approve, but because gunning down a large number of them would no doubt spell the end of my life as well, at least as a free man. Not to mention it isn't a very creative way to smite one's enemies, or a fun way to go out.
If I ever felt like throwing in the towel on life, I'd opt for something a bit lighter on the vengeance and heavier on the self-destructive behavior, perhaps a smack habit and a lot of unprotected sex with a horde of hookers. Not looking to go that route at the moment, but I could certainly see how it might be liberating. One minute you're worrying about work, school, kids, mortgage, etc., the next you're on permanent sick days with a persistent case of the f*ck-its. Worry would be out of the vocabulary permanently. It's these types of thoughts that make me think I'd be an unreliable parent.
I bring this up because if there's one thing that could push me over the edge and go on a rampage, it's the lack of an NFL season this fall. It's bad enough that we've suffered through the worst sports year in the history of state (planet Earth?), now there isn't even any football chatter to subsist on. Well unless of course you count the legal type, and if that entertains you, I'd like to clock you in the head with the 'S' volume of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. Stopping to think about it, that'd be my first time using a physical encyclopedia volume since high school, nice to know they do have some value.
With the Twins dead and buried before Memorial Day, this is the worst possible time for the NFL to be pulling this crap. I want to ready about trades and free agents, not mediation and decertification. Stealing a full or partial season of my favorite league would be cruel under the best of conditions, tacking it on to the previous twelve months is just plain evil. In April, I could laugh about it. In May, a slight concern began to crop up. Now it's June, and the only remaining distraction is a baseball team that looks better suited for beer league softball. Give it another month, and I cannot be held responsible for my actions.
The ongoing legal mumbo jumbo surrounding the lockout seems to be about figuring out which side has leverage. Can the owners use their TV slush fund? Can the owners lock the players out in the first place? Is there an anti-trust issue? The whole thing just makes you want to donkey punch the first guy you see wearing a three-piece suit. Nobody gives a rats ass about any of this crap, all we want is out football! But since these questions apparently have crucial implications at the bargaining table (Step 2 in the process), they must be decided before an agreement can actually be hashed out. Any sports fan can appreciate the premise that the rules of the game must be set before play can commence, but what we can't tolerate is the amount of d*cking around going on in courtrooms while precious time continues to slip away. The whole thing stinks of lawyers dragging things out to up the hours they can bill, just another party angling for every dime they can squeeze out of the game of football.
But I have a solution to this mess, at least temporarily: A one-year extension of the CBA under the terms of last season. You want to keep effing with the collective mind of the American sports fan? Go ahead, you have one more month to do so. But at that point, after all the arguments have been heard and three-judge panels rendered their verdicts, it's time to get back to the business of playing football games. By all means continue to negotiate, in fact you have a full year to hash out an agreement. The rules of the game have been set this offseason, now you need to move forward on that basis. If the prior set of rules were good enough for past seasons, how much harm could it do to play one more on the same terms? Sure I know it's possible that the two sides will be pigheaded enough to let the dispute linger on, and put us right back in the same spot twelve months from now, and if that happens, so be it. You can cancel the season and continue with your staredown, common sense be damned.
Of course I know this will never happen, for myriad reasons. The most prominent being that no side seems willing to compromise in these situations until the clock is about to strike midnight. Still had to bring it up though, both out of my own desparate fear and one example of how simply this thing could be dealt with. The greed that drove the parties to this point probably wouldn't vanish with the passage of time. Instead of accepting the situation as it currently stands, they'd likely re-open the same cans of worms, pressing for a more favorable judge or venue, in hopes of gaining the all-powerful leverage. But hey, you never know, there's a slim chance that both parties would assess the current environment and actually get serious on making a deal. I'm sure there's a bunch of administrative nonsense that isn't being considered here, but that's my plan: One year, same terms. If it doesn't work, cancel all the seasons you want, but for right now, PLAY BALL!
So that's the negative end of things, but to leave things on a positive note, I'd like to give a tip o the cap to the excellent start of the two Finals series currently going on. I predicted Miami and Vancouver to each win in 6, before the Dallas comeback last night, that was looking a bit shaky. Boston should've stolen game one against the Canucks, and their near miss has me concerned that a letdown might be do tomorrow. Nevertheless, both have started well, and the unsung hero of the whole thing (at least for me) is the Vancouver organist.
Not to many cooler jobs than organ player, and the best ones have it down to a tee. On Wednesday night, I heard "Hold The Line" during a Vancouver power play, "Cold As Ice" following a 4-minute major call on the home team and "Ice, Ice, Baby" after an icing call. Well it was either that or "Under Pressure", the two are indistinguishable when played on an organ. That would've fit as well, considering that Canucks were buzzing at the time. You can pull off a two-song double entendre, then you're aces in my book, well done organ guy.
If I ever felt like throwing in the towel on life, I'd opt for something a bit lighter on the vengeance and heavier on the self-destructive behavior, perhaps a smack habit and a lot of unprotected sex with a horde of hookers. Not looking to go that route at the moment, but I could certainly see how it might be liberating. One minute you're worrying about work, school, kids, mortgage, etc., the next you're on permanent sick days with a persistent case of the f*ck-its. Worry would be out of the vocabulary permanently. It's these types of thoughts that make me think I'd be an unreliable parent.
I bring this up because if there's one thing that could push me over the edge and go on a rampage, it's the lack of an NFL season this fall. It's bad enough that we've suffered through the worst sports year in the history of state (planet Earth?), now there isn't even any football chatter to subsist on. Well unless of course you count the legal type, and if that entertains you, I'd like to clock you in the head with the 'S' volume of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. Stopping to think about it, that'd be my first time using a physical encyclopedia volume since high school, nice to know they do have some value.
With the Twins dead and buried before Memorial Day, this is the worst possible time for the NFL to be pulling this crap. I want to ready about trades and free agents, not mediation and decertification. Stealing a full or partial season of my favorite league would be cruel under the best of conditions, tacking it on to the previous twelve months is just plain evil. In April, I could laugh about it. In May, a slight concern began to crop up. Now it's June, and the only remaining distraction is a baseball team that looks better suited for beer league softball. Give it another month, and I cannot be held responsible for my actions.
The ongoing legal mumbo jumbo surrounding the lockout seems to be about figuring out which side has leverage. Can the owners use their TV slush fund? Can the owners lock the players out in the first place? Is there an anti-trust issue? The whole thing just makes you want to donkey punch the first guy you see wearing a three-piece suit. Nobody gives a rats ass about any of this crap, all we want is out football! But since these questions apparently have crucial implications at the bargaining table (Step 2 in the process), they must be decided before an agreement can actually be hashed out. Any sports fan can appreciate the premise that the rules of the game must be set before play can commence, but what we can't tolerate is the amount of d*cking around going on in courtrooms while precious time continues to slip away. The whole thing stinks of lawyers dragging things out to up the hours they can bill, just another party angling for every dime they can squeeze out of the game of football.
But I have a solution to this mess, at least temporarily: A one-year extension of the CBA under the terms of last season. You want to keep effing with the collective mind of the American sports fan? Go ahead, you have one more month to do so. But at that point, after all the arguments have been heard and three-judge panels rendered their verdicts, it's time to get back to the business of playing football games. By all means continue to negotiate, in fact you have a full year to hash out an agreement. The rules of the game have been set this offseason, now you need to move forward on that basis. If the prior set of rules were good enough for past seasons, how much harm could it do to play one more on the same terms? Sure I know it's possible that the two sides will be pigheaded enough to let the dispute linger on, and put us right back in the same spot twelve months from now, and if that happens, so be it. You can cancel the season and continue with your staredown, common sense be damned.
Of course I know this will never happen, for myriad reasons. The most prominent being that no side seems willing to compromise in these situations until the clock is about to strike midnight. Still had to bring it up though, both out of my own desparate fear and one example of how simply this thing could be dealt with. The greed that drove the parties to this point probably wouldn't vanish with the passage of time. Instead of accepting the situation as it currently stands, they'd likely re-open the same cans of worms, pressing for a more favorable judge or venue, in hopes of gaining the all-powerful leverage. But hey, you never know, there's a slim chance that both parties would assess the current environment and actually get serious on making a deal. I'm sure there's a bunch of administrative nonsense that isn't being considered here, but that's my plan: One year, same terms. If it doesn't work, cancel all the seasons you want, but for right now, PLAY BALL!
So that's the negative end of things, but to leave things on a positive note, I'd like to give a tip o the cap to the excellent start of the two Finals series currently going on. I predicted Miami and Vancouver to each win in 6, before the Dallas comeback last night, that was looking a bit shaky. Boston should've stolen game one against the Canucks, and their near miss has me concerned that a letdown might be do tomorrow. Nevertheless, both have started well, and the unsung hero of the whole thing (at least for me) is the Vancouver organist.
Not to many cooler jobs than organ player, and the best ones have it down to a tee. On Wednesday night, I heard "Hold The Line" during a Vancouver power play, "Cold As Ice" following a 4-minute major call on the home team and "Ice, Ice, Baby" after an icing call. Well it was either that or "Under Pressure", the two are indistinguishable when played on an organ. That would've fit as well, considering that Canucks were buzzing at the time. You can pull off a two-song double entendre, then you're aces in my book, well done organ guy.
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