Not exactly words to live by, but they probably won't kill you either

I’ve lost my muse, have you seen it?

Feeling lethargic, listless, even a bit languid these days, as I try to spark some kind of interest in the local sports scene.

Kevin Love has a broken hand, the NHL lockout is making a cancelled hockey season more likely by the day, and the chances of a 1,000-day postseason drought are getting more real by the day.  It’s in front of this backdrop that I’m struggling to find something to write that doesn’t resemble a 3-year old child’s tantrum.  Waaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh, everything sucks, it’s not fair!!!

Because this is Loserville, and that concept has been done to death.  Sure you could go the other way by singing the praises of a 5-2 Vikings team, but that’s not going to last either.  The Vikings will not save you, they will only find a more sinister way to bring about your ultimate demise.  And yes, I know, every time I insult them, they turn around and prove me wrong, but that’s just part of the spectacle.  Nothing has changed but the schedule being even softer than it first appeared.

So, where does a chap go for a shot of positivity between football weekends when everything seems bleak?  How about some good old fashioned nonsensical rambling?  Digging into the Loserville Rules of Life sounds like a solid idea.  There’s not much I know for certain in this life, but there are a few things, and here they are:

Never make a joke about a bomb at an airport – This one would seem to be obvious, yet none other than a college hockey referee made themistake a few weeks ago.  I’m sure every person sitting through a shutdown of that airport took solace when thinking about whatever uncomfortable body-cavity searches he was subject to.

Never go into the back room at a strip club – Chris Rock said it in a more catchy fashion, but it remains true, nobody’s interested in you and the meter spins like the national debt clock.  You’re basically paying for a more comfortable seat by spending roughly the equivalent of a new couch.  Of course if it wasn’t for alcohol, would never be an issue, stupid alcohol.

Never (ever!) go into the back room adjacent to the bathroom in a gay nightclub – Most men are ingrained with the instinct to avoid this situation like a squirrel storing nuts for the winter, no pun intended.  But occasionally, one is pressed into service to locate his girlfriend’s pal, who’s disappeared into the backroom with some random dude.  If he’s an idiot, he listens, instead of countering that it actually makes more logical sense for her to be the one to attempt a rescue from Manlove Island.  Sure, I’ve only heard about this happening once, but that doesn’t change the fact that once I did, it immediately became one of my tenets for life.  I also wanted to bring it up again in case the guy who told me is reading this, because it will make him cringe, what has been seen cannot be unseen.

Never patronize businesses close to holidays unless absolutely necessary – Other than maybe the kids in those African famine commercials, I never see a sadder group of people than those forced to work on days that 90% of the public has off.  On one hand, I suppose you could spin it as a good thing, since it motivates people to higher achievement and jobs you only have to worry about hating on a predictable 9-5 / Monday-Friday schedule, rather than the scattershot “Sunday on, Monday off” world of retail or convenience store work.  But what needs to be remembered here is that it sucks to be surrounded by people who are doing fun stuff while you’re stuck going to work.  It’s something I like to call the Vacation Comportment Corollary.  You want to send emails to the folks at work about how much the security lines suck?  Fine, that might make their Monday sound better by comparison.  But if you’re starting off Tuesday with a picture of a white sand beach and the caption “How’s work suckers?”, then you’re a dick.  So while I get that you may need to run to 7/11 if you need more butter for a Thanksgiving recipe, or you need a trip to the mall to say your procrastinating ass at 4 PM on Christmas Eve, try to avoid these behaviors under less critical conditions.  People in those type of positions get paid the same amount regardless of the actual amount of work they have to do.  Heading to Target on Easter and putting some poor kid through the ringer with 57 questions about a digital camera is not okay.  He’s just trying to coast and make his $8 an hour in peace, let him be.  Of course this doesn’t apply to tipped employees, since their pay is commensurate with the service they provide.  This exempts bars from the discussion and leaves me free to patronize them on Thanksgiving and Christmas with impugnity. 

Never forget to keep a book of matches by your toilet – I know it may seem a bit crass to have a book of matches just sitting there on the lid of your toilet, but you can easily get around that problem by classing it up with a little pottery-type dish, or something of that nature.  Besides, do the aesthetic concerns surrounding your bathroom really trump the social embarrassment of the defecator and olfactory discomfort of those who follow?  It’s true that bathroom etiquette is a two way street, people should do their utmost to attend to their business before placing themselves in a crowded, single-bathroom situation, but sometimes things get away from you.  I’m as regular as the postal service, but give me some extremely spicy or exotic food and results may vary.  Just sayin, it hurts no one to leave the matches in there, your benefitting all parties involved here.  The exit accompanied by the smell of a flaming match is about 1/10^th as sheepish as the one accompanied by the stench of a flaming o-ring.  Not to mention how much the on-deck batter appreciates the effort.

Never wait for a closer parking spot at the gym – Is it possible to miss the point any more than this?  If it’s pouring rain, freezing cold, or there are no more spots available, then sure.  But if it’s a mild day with none of the above?  Park the damn car and cut short your treadmill time by 15 seconds.  Everytime I pull into the lot, there seems to be some clod holding up the show, because they’re angling for a parking spot 20 yards closer.  I know that they probably can’t help themselves, that they’re conditioned by years of trips to the mall and supermarket to always try for the nearest possible spot, it’s a reflex action.  But along those lines, let me just say that I’m conditioned to strike people in the face when I see them doing something stupid, so be prepared.  Here’s a radical notion, if you parked 50 yards further away everywhere you went, maybe you could skip a gym trip every couple of weeks?  It’s worth considering.

That’s all I have for life wisdom at the moment, tune in next week when I segue back to sports with important topics like “See?  I told you Ponder sucks” and “The Timberwolves Curse: Is it possible Target Center is on an Indian burial ground?”

One last time, for old time's sake: 2012 WCHA Preview

Well, this is it, my last WCHA preview ever. 

Even though we’re many months from the 50-year history of the league ending and its teams scattering to the winds, the thought of it hangs over everything.  It makes the start of this season a bit melancholy to think about all of the great things that won’t be an annual part of life in coming years. 

Gone will be the best rivalry in college hockey (North Dakota-Minnesota), as well as the two most convenient opportunities to catch my favorite team in person (Mariucci and Mankato).  Gone will be the excitement of the Final Five, and with it the chance to see 19,000 people packed to the rafters to watch a college hockey game.  Gone will be many of the roadtrip opportunities and chances to meet out-of-town fans that having seven league members within a 4-hour radius provided.

Basically, a lot of the reasons I came to love this game in the first place.

New rivals and traditions will emerge, and our teams will still be our teams.  It just seemed like we had a pretty perfect thing going here, so by definition, change is unlikely to be for the better.  I’m not going to dwell on this all season.  It needs to be put aside in favor of soaking up every last memory and minute the WCHA has to offer.  But it did warrant mentioning, that much is for sure.

Now, let’s get down to brass tacks.

Last season, I predict the league to finish this way:

1.       Denver Pioneers

2.       Colorado College Tigers

3.       North Dakota Fighting Sioux

4.       Minnesota Golden Gophers

5.       Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs

6.       Nebraska-Omaha Mavericks

7.       St. Cloud State Huskies

8.       Bemidji State Beavers

9.       Wisconsin Badgers

10.   Alaska-Anchorage Seawolves

11.   Minnesota State-Mankato Mavericks

12.   Michigan Tech Huskies

It ended up like this:

1.       Minnesota Golden Gophers

2.       Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs

3.       Denver Pioneers

4.       North Dakota Fighting Sioux

5.       Colorado College Tigers

6.       St. Cloud State Huskies

7.       Nebraska-Omaha Mavericks

8.       Michigan Tech Huskies

9.       Bemidji State Beavers

10.   Wisconsin Badgers

11.   Alaska-Anchorage Seawolves

12.   Minnesota State-Mankato Mavericks

Not a horrible job, all things considered.  I gave Denver and CC too much credit, sold Minnesota and Duluth a bit short, but all in all a fairly accurate set of finishes. 

I’d been the guy picking the Gophers to have a bounce back season in each of the last 3 years, so it stands to reason that the year I gave up is the one where they actually did.  Now things are back to where we’re used to seeing them, picked to win the league and potentially make a return trip to the Frozen Four.  But it’s a long way from here to there, especially when you have unproven goaltending, so it’s not time to concede anything just yet.

1.       Minnesota Golden Gophers

2011-12 Record: 28-14-1 Overall – 20-8-0 1^st WCHA, lost in National Semifinal

Key returning players: Nick Bjugstad – F (25g-17a—42pts), Zach Budish – F (12g-23a—35pts), Erik Haula – F (20g-29a—49pts), Kyle Rau – F (18g-25a—43pts), Nate Schmidt (2g-21a – 23pts)

Key Losses: Kent Patterson – G (.907 SV%, 2.32 GAA 28-14-1 record), Jake Hansen – F (16g-22a—38pts), Taylor Mattson – F (8g-13a—23pts)

Key Incoming Freshmen: Mike Reilly – D, Brady Skjei – D, Adam Wilcox – G

Outlook: But will unproven goaltending keep me from picking the Gophers to win the league? 

Not hardly, this team will be a scary opponent regardless of who's between the pipes.  Especially considering that their all-league goaltender looked more pedestrian during the second half of last season than at any point in his career. 

Patterson had a 1.71 GAA with a .933 save % entering Thanksgiving weekend, numbers that are even more eye-popping when you consider they came behind a bunch of freshman and sophomore defensemen.  His final stats certainly weren’t bad, but indicate that the Gophers should win any game where the guy in net manages to stop 9 out of every 10 shots.

Anyone who’s been paying attention knows Nick Bjugstad is a beast, Erik Haula’s versatility is impressive and Kyle Rau is a lock for 20 goals at minimum.  Throw in an expected bounce from Zach Budish (power forward with nice touch around the net), Nate Condon (shorthanded wizard who can flat out fly) and a young defensive corps, you’ve got yourself one complete hockey team. 

Anything can happen if your goaltending flakes out in a one-and-done scenario, but over the course of the conference season grind, it’s tough to pick against Minnesota. 

2.       North Dakota (TBD)

2011-12 Record: 25-14-1 Overall – 16-11-0 4th WCHA

Key returning players: Corbin Knight – F (16g-24a—40pts), Danny Kristo – F (19g-26—45pts), Carter Rowney – F (18g-15a—33pts), Nick Mattson – D (6g-13a—19pts), Dillon Simpson – D (2g-16a—18pts).

Key Losses: Brock Nelson – F (28g-19a—47pts), Aaron Dell – G (.900 SV%, 2.67 GAA 18-10-2 record), Ben Blood – D (3g-18a—21pts)

Key Incoming Freshmen: Jordan Schmaltz – D, Zane Gothberg – G

Outlook: It was a disappointing day when Brock Nelson decided to leave Grand Forks after his sophomore season.  The leading goal-scorer in the WCHA not only had a monster campaign, but also looked like he was far from hitting his ceiling.  But early departures are a fact of life, and while 28 goals is a big number to replace, the North Dakota cupboard is far from bare.

A few potential defections were avoided in seniors Corban Knight and Danny Kristo, as well as junior defenseman Derek Forbort, with another solid recruiting class added to the mix.  The best addition to the team this season will likely be last year’s anticipated star freshman Rocco Grimaldi, who missed all but a handful of games due to injury.  Freshman Jordan Schmaltz, a 1^st round blueliner in 2012, should also be fun to watch.

Last season's rash of injuries that saw the Sioux (I can say it, talking about last year in this context) skate a man short for much of the season could turn out to be a blessing in disguise this time around.  Many young players were called upon and responded well during the stretch run, which should provide for a deep team and fierce competition for ice time.

But as with Minnesota, the goaltending question is a pesky one, with a transfer and a freshman looking to take the reigns from a pair of experienced netminders.

3.        Wisconsin Badgers

2011-12 Record: 17-18-2 Overall – 11-15-2 10th WCHA

Key returning players: Mark Zengerle – F (13g-37a—50pts), Michael Mersch – F (14g-16a—30pts), Tyler Barnes – F (11g-15a—26pts), John Ramage – D (3g-7a—10pts), Jake McCabe – D (3g-9a—12pts), Joel Rumpel – G (.919 SV%, 2.48 GAA, 12-12-2)

Key Losses: Justin Schultz – D (16g-28a—44pts)

Key Incoming Freshmen: Morgan Zulinick – F, Kevin Schulze – D, Nic Kerdiles – D

Outlook: Last year, the Badgers were either a bad team that played a lot of good games, or a good team that threw out a lot of clunkers.  Obviously, if you finish 10th in the WCHA, you were bad, but  I saw enough promise to make me think there's a lot to like about this season's Wisconsin club.

Playing tough teams well, then turning around and losing to the dregs of the league is a sign of a young team lacking focus.  In fact, they reminded me of something I wrote about Minnesota coming into last season: "The Gophers were .500 or better against Denver, Duluth, North Dakota and Wisconsin last year, throwing in a 3-1 non-conference win over Michigan to boot.  That's 3 of 4 Frozen Four participants that they either bested or fought to a draw.  A few of those wins were even of the dominant variety."

The Badgers ended last year on a 5-8 slide, which featured 9 of 13 games against Denver, Minnesota and North Dakota.  4 of those losses were one-goal games, including Game 3 of their first round playoff series in Denver, when they gave the Pioneers everything they could handle before falling 3-2 in OT.

Mark Zengerle is the best assist man in the league and (Burnsville's own, holla!) Tyler Barnes is poised to become an elite goal scorer.  If they can avoid forgetting to show up every third series, this team should be in the mix all year. 

4.      Denver Pioneers

        2011-12 Record: 25-14-4 Overall – 16-8-4 3rd WCHA

        Key returning players: Nick Shore – F (13g-28a—41pts), Shawn Ostrow – F (11g-10a—21pts), Joey LaLeggia – D (11g-27a—38pts), Ty Loney – F (10g-11a—21pts), Sam Brittain (.932 SV%, 2.36 GAA, 8-4-0 record)

Key Losses: Drew Shore – F (22g-31a—51pts), Jason Zucker – F (22g-24a—46pts), Beau Bennett – F (4g-9a—13pts), Luke Salazar – F (12g-18a—30pts).

Key Incoming Freshmen: Dakota Mermis – D, Quentin Shore – F, Nolan Zajac – D, Gabe Levin – F, Grant Arnold – F

Outlook: Like anyone else, I can read the first two names on the list of players the Pioneers lost this year and realize that they have a whole lot of scoring to replace.  But they also have potentially the league's best goalie coming back from losing much of a season to injury, and a knack for finishing in the top half of the league no matter what the circumstance.

The last time Denver finished outside the Top 4 in the WCHA?  2002-03.  I'm pretty sure they've had a few tough departures and predictions of down years in the time since.  The man may look like a nerdy Bond villain, but you have to give Gwozdecky credit for the phenomenal consistency his program shows.

Toss in a favorable schedule (one series with MN and WI, only road series before December is Mankato) and I like the chances of the streak continuing. 

5.       Minnesota-Duluth Bulldogs

2011-12 Record: 25-10-6 Overall – 16-7-5 2^nd WCHA

Key returning players: Caleb Hebert – F (14g-19a—33pts), Mike Seidel – F (17g-13a—30pts)

Key Losses: Jack Connolly – F (20g-40a—60pts), Travis Olesksuk – F (21g-32a—53pts), J.T. Brown – F (24g-23a—47pts), Brady Lamb – D (9g-22a—31pts)

Key Incoming Freshmen: Austin Farley – F, Tony Cameranesi – F, Andy Welinski – D, Matt McNeely – G, Austyn Young – F

Outlook: Deja vu, all over again.  Last year I said that the Bulldogs had lost too much when Justin Fontaine and Mike Connolly left the team.  Turns out, the third guy on that power play was also pretty good, all he did was win the Hobey Baker as the best player on a team that finished league runner-up.

Now, with Jack Connolly, JT Brown, Travis Oleksuk and Brady Lamb all having played their last game in a Duluth sweater, I am willing to re-iterate my previous claim.  Enough firepower to grab a home ice spot for the playoffs, but not enough to seriously challenge for the top spot.

Remind me I said this when they're traveling to Mariucci with a chance to tie the Gophers for 1st at the end of February.

6.       Colorado College Tigers

2011-12 Record: 26-13-3 – 15-12-1 – 5^th WCHA

Key returning players: Rylan Schwartz – F (23g-17a—40pts), Joe Howe – G (.882 SV%, 3.48 GAA 5-8-1), Josh Thorimbert – G (.924 SV%, 2.35 GAA, 18-8-1).

Key Losses: Jaden Schwartz – F (15g-26a—41pts), Nick Dineen – F (14g-12a—26pts), Gabe Guentzel – D (4g-22a—26pts)

Key Incoming Freshmen: Hunter Fejes – F

Outlook: Last year, I gave these guys a ton of credit because they had, in my opinion, the league's best player.  Both Jaden Schwartz and his team didn't quite have the season that I expected, and now that he's gone to the pros, it seemed appropriate my expectations should be lowered to reflect.

Josh Thorimbert is one of the most intriguing players in the league to me, mostly because I'm completely ignorant of how he managed such stellar stats.  The only time I watched him play last season was Thanksgiving weekend, when North Dakota put 5 pucks past him on 19 shots, leaving him with a GAA of 3.27 and save % of .899.  Since then, he's been on an incredible tear, seemingly getting better every week and finishing the year with the excellent numbers you've see above.

But as history has shown us, goalies are fickle, and playing lights-out to end one year offers no guarantee of continued success.  The only thing that we can say for sure is that if Thorimbert continues to be the guy we saw last spring, the Tigers will be a much tougher out that first imagined.

7.       St. Cloud State Huskies

2011-12 Record: 17-17-5 overall – 12-12-5 6th WCHA

Key returning players: Ben Hanowski – F (23g-20a—43pts), Nic Dowd – F (11g-13a—23pts), Nick Jensen – D (6g-26a – 32pts), Andrew Prochno – D (5g-24—29pts), Ryan Faragher (.915 SV%, 2.77 GAA, 9-11-3)

Key Losses: David Eddy - F (9g-16a—25pts), Travis Novak - F (12g-15—27pts), Jared Festler - F (15g-19a—34pts), Mike Lee - G (.930 SV%, 2.23 GAA, 8-6-2)

Key Incoming Freshmen: Jimmy Murray - F, Jonny Brodzinski - F, Rasmus Reijola - G

Outlook: Another team that was bit hard by the injury bug and midseason defections, it's tough to see what's changed at St. Cloud to make them much more than the middle-of-the-pack team they were last year.  Ben Hanowski has shown he's a big time scorer, and Ryan Faragher filled in admirable for Mike "Little Game" Lee (because he sucks in the big ones, get it?) last season, but beyond that I don't see it.

Although they will give my North Dakota team fits, and beat CC on the road to get to the Final Five, that much I will grant you.

8.       Michigan Tech Huskies

2011-12 Record: 16-19-4 Overall – 11-13-4  8th WCHA

Key returning players: David Johnstone - F (11g-18a—29pts), Ryan Furne - F (12g-12a—24pts), Kevin Genoe - G (.880 SV%, 2.71 GAA, 1-5-0)

Key Losses:  Brett Olson - F (10g-20a - 30pts), Jordan Baker - F(10g-18a - 28pts) , Alex MacLeod - F (8g-11a - 19pts) , Josh Robinson - G (.909 SV%, 2.83 GAA, 15-14-4)

Key Incoming Freshmen: Jujhar Khaira - F, Alex Petan - F, Malcolm Gould - F, Jamie Phillips - G, Pheonix Copley - G

Outlook: The feelgood story of last season was Michigan Tech's climb from the cellar and appearance at the Final Five.  After only 6 conference wins combined over the last two seasons, the Huskies showed signs of life under new coach Mel Pearson and nearly the toast of St. Paul when they nearly knocked off Denver in OT.

Now it's time to see if the sequel can approach the quality of the original, never an easy task, especially with some of your top scorers leaving town.  10 goals might not seem like a lot, but when your team scored 111 on the season, with the leader at 12, it takes on a greater significance.

Not to mention that the goaltending has to improve, not team wins with a save % below .900

9.       Nebraska-Omaha Mavericks

2011-12 Record: 14-18-6 overall – 11-12-5 7th WCHA

Key returning players: Matt White - F (17g-23a—40pts) Ryan Walters - F (10g-15a—25pts), Bryce Aneloski - D(6g-14g—20pts)

Key Losses: Terry Broadhurst - F (16g-20a—36pts), Jayson Megna - F (13g-18a—31pts), Ryan Massa - G (.914 SV%, 2.60 GAA, 7-8-2).

Key Incoming Freshmen: Anthony Stolarz - G, Brian Cooper - D, Nick Seeler - D, Tanner Lane - F,  Aaron Pearce - F

Outlook: I'm generalizing a bit here, because I certainly don't know this team well, but every piece of news lately has seemed bad.  Guys leaving the program, guys getting into trouble, all of it doesn't seem to indicate a big improvement over last year's 7th place finish is coming.

10.   Bemidji State Beavers

2011-12 Record: 17-18-3 overall – 11-14-3 9thWCHA

Key returning players: Jordan George - F (19g-12a—31pts), Aaron McLeod - F (9g-14—23pts), Brance Orban - F (9g-13a—24pts), Andrew Walsh (.915 SV%, 2.37 GAA, 6-4-1)

Key Losses: Shea Walters - F (12g-14—26pts), Brad Hunt - D (5g-21a—26pts) , Dan Bakala - G (.911 SV%, 2.64 GAA, 11-13-2)

Key Incoming Freshmen: Markus Gerbrandt - F, Brad Robbins - F, Cory Ward - F, James Hansen - D, Graeme McCormack - D

Outlook: The Mighty Beav retains it's only significant offensive threat from last year, but loses a goaltender who did yeoman's work behind a marginal bunch of skaters.  How far Bemidji goes this year will depend on Jordan George getting some help up front, and Andrew Walsh getting comfortable in net.  Walsh's stats looked okay on the whole last year, but his work in league games was spotty at best, tough to see this team challenging for home ice.

11.   Minnesota State-Mankato Mavericks

2011-12 Record:

Key returning players: Matt Leitner - F(11g-18a—29pts), Jean-Paul Lafontatine - F(13g-15a—28pts) Ericah Hayes - F (13g-11a—24pts), Phil Cook - G (.887 SV%, 3.55 GAA, 7-8-0)

Key Losses: Michael Dorr - F (8g-11a—19pts), Justin Jokinen - F (3g-10a—13pts), Austin Lee - G (.910 SV%, 3.07 GAA, 5-16-1).

Key Incoming Freshmen: Teddy Blueger - F, Bryce Gervais - F, Brett Knowles - F, Nick Buchanan - D

Outlook: Another team where you can say the key losses weren't all that key.  But only because in order to have key losses, you need key players to begin with.  Mankato has the look of a team that can score a bit, but will have to find a way to relieve some of the pressure on it's goaltenders if it wants to win.  Perhaps a new coach will spark an immediate turnaround, but that seems more likely to happen 2 or 3 years down the road, if at all.

As usual, the most they will do this year is piss off St. Cloud with an extremely ill-timed loss or two.

12.   Alaska-Anchorage Seawolves

2011-12 Record: 9-25-2 overall – 5-22-1 12th WCHA

Key returning players: Jordan Kwas - F (4g-10a—14pts), Scott Warner - D (2g-13a—15pts)

Key Losses:  Mitch Bruijsten - F (8g-8a—16pts), Eric Scheid - F (6g-9—15pts), Curtis Leinweber - D (9g-8a—17pts).

Key Incoming Freshmen:  Blake Tatchell - F, Haden Trupp - F, Blake Leask - D, Michael Matyas - G

Outlook: Not much is expected from this team, and it seems like not too many people cared to pay attention in the first place.  Not only are they bad, they ugly up games to the point it makes good teams look bad


So there it is, my 1 to 12, for the final year of the WCHA.  Hopefully it's an epic season, worthy of the best college hockey league in the land, which I've come to love so well these last 15 years.