Head scratchers

Let me start this off with a caveat: Free agency by it's nature is a fickle beast.  You're taking a guy coming off a contract year, in which he was likely at the peak of effort/motivation, paying a big pile of guaranteed money, plugging him into a completely different situation, and hoping that everything else remains status quo. 

Beyond the motiviation issues that can crop up once players get paid, and no longer fear their place on the team, it's just plain hard to tell how much of a guy's success is due to the system/personnel he played with versus his own talent.  My favorite example will forever be Dana Stubblefield, the 49ers defensive tackle who won the NFL Defensive Player of the Year award in 1997 after collecting 15 sacks.  He promptly signed with Washington for a dumptruck full of cash, then proceeded to notch 7 sacks over the next 3 years and get benched.  Turns out, playing alongside Bryant Young, the true star of that defense, was the determining factor in his success.  The two did not come as a package, to the Redskins great regret.

The whole process of free agency is a bit like The Force actually, when used correctly, to plug the holes in a lineup built through several years of savvy drafting an personnel moves, it can put a team over the top.  When used irresponsibly, it can bury teams under bad contracts for years, resulting in perpetual mediocrity and the possibility of disgruntled fans firing proton torpedos into an exhaust pipe on your stadium.

NFL free agency this year is a crazy mishmash of two months of activity crammed into a week.  Yesterday the flurry of news was almost enough to make your head spin, and it's not stopping anytime soon.  Most of the stuff happening makes sense, teams are cutting veterans to get under the cap, losing unrestricted free agents to the highest bidder, maybe waiting things out for bargains to emerge, all very normal stuff. 

However, there are some things that just aren't making a ton of sense here, and those are always the first to catch my eye.  It's always dangerous to judge a work in-process, and any judgment should probably be withheld until all the dust has settled (at least that's what David Kahn keeps telling us).  But that doesn't sound like any fun at all, so let's take a look at some of the curious stuff going on so far, moving in order from perplexing to downright WTF? territory:

• Carolina bringing back all the same guys - Because, you know, when you have a roster coming off a 2-14 season, you've gotta keep that puppy intact!  It has to be acknowledged that Carolina has upgraded at QB (impossible not to) and will be getting back some key players from injury, but why hand DeAngelo Williams all that guaranteed money?  The Panthers have shown over the years that their line, not their backs, made the difference in the running game.  Over the past decade, names like Stephen Davis, DeShaun Foster, Nick Goings and Mike Goodson, none of them exactly NFL luminaries, have managed to produce quite nicely for this team.  Throw in the fact that they've got Jonathan Stewart already on the roster, and the many other holes, and I just don't get the redundancy here.

• Albert Haynesworth to the Patriots - If I'm a Pats fan, I expect to see law enforcement descending on the team headquarters at any moment, because they just pulled off a heist.  Throw in a you-just-know-he'll-be-rejuvenated OchoCinco, and they've once again managed to turn another team's trash into their treasure.  My issue in this case is not with them, but with the teams who continue to deal with them.  Washington allegedly had multiple teams interested, why choose to deal with New England over ANYONE else in the NFL?  You know they're savvy, you know they won't overpay, shouldn't they be the trading partner of last resort?  This would bug me if I was a Skins fan.

• The Kevin Kolb trade - I'm far from the only one to be a bit confused by this, and it might be that Arizona just got their QB of the future, but let's ask one question first: What would it have taken to get Kyle Orton?  I think that 2nd-round pick on it's own would've got the deal done quite nicely, no reason to throw in a budding defensive star in Rodgers-Cromartie to boot.  Not to mention that Orton would be unlikely to require the huge extension that Kolb demanded.  Now if you think that Kevin Kolb is leaps and bounds better than Orton, the point is moot.  But if you think he's only slightly better, then getting a capable QB for a third of the price, keeping a young defensive asset and drafting your QB of the future next year is a far better move.

• Atlanta signs Ray Edwards - Apparently somebody should've locked the Atlanta coaching staff and front office in a room last weekend, with the Packer playoff game on a loop.  Remember that one?  You guys gave up 48 points and 366 yards passing?  5 offensive TDs, including 3 through the air and another one where the QB walked in because you were so scared of him throwing?  28 first downs, 18 of them through the air?  And your response to this was throwing big money at Ray Edwards?  It's true he plays on the defensive side of the ball, but after watching him play on a line with three Pro Bowlers for a couple of seasons and rarely stand out, Vikings fans are greeting his departure with a collective shrug.  Edwards is a nice player, who's solid against the run, and can collect a few sacks.  But if they're thinking he's going to be enough of a force to shore up what was a brutal pass defense, then Aaron Rodgers is going to be one happy guy come this January.

• Tarvaris Jackson, Starting Quarterback - This is by far my favorite development of the offseason, and will not be topped.  When I heard that T-Jack had not only fooled another NFL team into giving him a paycheck for the next two seasons, but was going to be in the running to start (!), I was filled with glee.  Filled.  With. Glee.  Seahawks games, which should normally be avoided like Spanish cucumbers, are now must-see TV.  The idea that you would let Matt Hasselbeck go in order to set up a QB competition between T-Jack and Charlie Whitehurst defies all logic.  Then you compound things by making a WR your big free agent pickup, even though his presence will now be completely nullified by the guy under center.  I'd be perfectly willing to accept the "receivers make quarterbacks as much as quarterbacks make receivers" argument if Seattle had an NFL QB on it's roster, but as of now, I don't see one.  Of course there's always the (likely) possibility that Brad Childress was the worst coach ever, and T-Jack may flourish now that he's away from him, but the chances of that are about the same as some large-breasted Eastern European heiress arriving to cart me away to a life of luxury in the Swiss Alps.  In other words, not f*cking likely. 

But yeah, if it happens, I suppose it goes without saying that I'd have to kill myself.

5 Lists Of Five

Five Twins that should be dealt immediately for whatever they can get
1) Michael Cuddyer - Yes, I know it will never happen, but he has value, and could always return to finish out his career after the season.  Besides, doesn't the guy want a shot at winning?
2) Jason Kubel - Same as above, I'm not anti-Kubel, but we've got a glut of similar outfielders going here.
3) Joe Nathan - Save some cash and maybe get a prospect back, I want no part of next year's huge option.
4) Matt Capps - If anyone wants him.  Might have to just hang a "FREE" sign around his neck and have him stand along First Ave.
5) Kevin Slowey - Yes, I know his value is at an all-time low, but it seems apparent that he's never going to pitch for the Twins, so what's the alternative?

Bottom line: They'll probably do nothing and overpay Cuddyer to stay after the season.  High marks for loyalty I suppose, but seems like a dumb move from a value standpoint.  It's naive to think that you're going to turn two months of Michael Cuddyer into some kind of prospect windfall, but he's a versatille player that a lot of teams could use, and anything you get back is gravy.

Five Vikings who hopefully won't be Vikings by the end of this week
1) Bernard Berrian - The team might be between a rock and a hard place at the wide receiver position if Sidney Rice signs elsewhere, but even if that's the case, it's hard to imagine Berrian helping the situation.  One of the all-time "right place, right time" NFL signings, Berrian parlayed a lack of good options at his position into a big contract.  One of those moves that looks bad at the time, then only gets worse.  His signature play in 3 years as a Viking is probably this one, which is cringeworthy for any Purple fan.
2) Ray Edwards - Bye Ray.
3) Madieu Williams - Seems like a good guy, based on all those community awards, if only he were a good football player.
4) John Sullivan - Okay, maybe not off the roster, but at least not being counted on to handle a starting job.
5) Tavaris Jackson - Yes, there is zero chance he will still be on the roster, just had to say one last time how good it is to see him go.

Bottom line: Was very close to putting Sidney Rice on this list, given his injury history and shenanigans surrounding the delayed surgery last offseason.  The guy does have a Pro Bowl under his belt, and lack of productivity in two other seasons can mostly be attributed to bad quarterbacking.  But in the end, the guaranteed money he gets is probably going to be more than his accomplishments merit.

Five things that thankfully you won't be hearing me say this fall
1) "I managed to snag that running back from Ball St in my college football fantasy draft.  37th round, what a steal!"
2) "Monday night is synonymous with one thing, 'Dancing with the Stars' of course!
     (In case you were wondering, the answer is yes, I did have to look that up)
3) "I dunno, going drinking sounds like fun and all, but I might just sit here weeping softly and missing football."
4) "All the free time on Sundays has allowed me the time to get back to my true love, killing drifters."
5) "Well at least Green Bay won't repeat"

Bottom line: We're back baby!!!

Five guys who'd look good in purple
1) Sidney Rice, WR - Yup, I'm waffling, sue me.
2) Davin Joseph / Harvey Dahl, OG - It's time for the Vikings to get back to playing tough defense with a grind-it-out running game, and this is the first step.
3) Matt Hasselbeck, QB - Christian Ponder may one day be a solid QB in this league, but I don't think it will be this season.  Following this abbreviated offseason, a year to sit and learn may be just what the doctor ordered, throwing him out there from day one will probably result in shattered confidence at best and a shattered clavicle at worst.  Kyle Orton would be great, but he's got a big cap hit and probably isn't too interested in being a one-year fill-in.
4) Eric Weddle, S - Been awhile since we've had a competent safety around these parts.
5) Nnamdi Asomugha - Never going to happen, not a chance.  But that does not change the fact he would look very good in purple.  Unfortunately it will probably be Ravens purple.

Bottom line: Mediocre roster, not a lot of cap space, might be better served to take a step back now so we can take two forward later on.  The Vikings have become the Wild.

Five things overhead in the Twins dugout during last night's drubbing
1) "I thought Frank pitched yesterday?"
2) "On the bright side, we did help a lot of people earn free chalupas."
3) "I'd say we should make Liddle drive to dinner, but he's got that problem with stop signs."
4) "Not an itching, more of a burning really, taking that trip to the Dominican with Mijares over the All-Star break might not've been the best idea."
5) "Christ is this embarrassing."

Bottom line: It's over.

Hallelujah

After a series of false starts that would've made Ryan Cook blush, and more contradictions than a David Kahn press conference, it appears that fate has finally smiled upon America's football fans.  That's right fellow pigskin lovers, our long national nightmare appears to be over: NFL football is back.

Most of us felt like this would happen, after weeks of listening to reports of a deal being close, it was difficult to believe that actual dollars would be forefeited through the cancellation of games.  After all, this was the free money of preseason that was about to be squandered, the part of the season that teams get to extort their season ticketholders into paying for under threat of no regular season ducats.  Any business that can strong arm it's customers into paying full price for an admittedly substandard product is not going to let that opportunity fall by the wayside.

But even the comfort of knowing that push was finally coming to shove, with a tangible consequence emerging after 4 months of inaction, was not enough to totally dispell fears of a doomsday scenario.  What if some other hidden caveat emerged that scuttled the whole thing?  What if some element of the various legal manuvers cropped up in the 11th hour?  The common sense argument of "these guys aren't possibly dumb enough to screw up their license to print money" still wasn't enough to completely convince that things were on track.  Not to mention that the steady stream of reports, rumors and retractions made it tough to follow anything that was going on, you were better off unpugging and just waiting the thing out.

Because even if you knew things would eventually work themselves out, and football would be played, there remained questions about the quality.  Would teams have enough time to effectively prepare?  Would a rash of injuries ravage the league due to lack of conditioning? Now it appears we finally have closure, and not a moment too soon if you watched any of the Twins series over the weekend.  I can only assume these developments are due to the fact that Roger Goodell reads the blog and was unsettled by the anger in my post from earlier this month.  Along the same lines, Minnesota Govenor Mark Dayton fashioned an agreement to end the state shutdown one day after that post appeared.  Coincidence?  I think not.  Next I turn my attention toward this debt ceiling thing that Congress seems to be having so much trouble with, give me a couple of days.

Beer?  Check. Football?  Check.  Baseball team in it's death rattle creating a serious need for something else to occupy my time?  Check.  Starting tomorrow, it's going to be a whirlwind few days, so hold onto your hat.  But first, take a moment to reflect, and thank whatever higher power you believe is running things that football is back.

Duct tape & Bailing wire

Back on the 25th of May, I wrote the Twins off for dead, as did many others.  The team was 14 1/2 games out with a 16-32 record, had a run differential (-88) that was almost twice as bad as the next lowest in baseball, and were routinely running out a lineup featuring two guys named Rene.  They scuffled along for another week after that, bottoming out at 20 games below .500 and 16 1/2 GB on June 1st.  Nothing looked promising in any facet of the game, between injuries and ineffectiveness, there where maybe two guys on the entire team having what you would call "good" seasons.  Then a funny thing happened, they started winning.

We're not talking about ridiculous amounts of winning here, nothing to conjure memories of the last 4 months of 2006, but enough to once again make things interesting.  The 27-13 stretch has pulled the team back within 5 games of both .500 and the division lead, not to mention restored public confidence in a lot of players.  Frankly I blame myself for the slow start.  I'm not much of an optimist, but on the rare occasions I do talk myself into a positive outlook, things usually fall apart rather quickly (see 2010 Vikings).  By picking the team to finish in 1st place with a 92-70 record, I'd effectively doomed them to no higher than 3rd place and 85 victories.  I then waited two full months before backtracking on that prediction in the name of not overreacting, how silly of me.  Not a week after I finally did throw in the towel on the season, the tables turned and here we are, with relevant games to watch in mid-July. 

You can chalk it up to whatever you want, but the fan in me knows I had something to do with it.  This power is humbling, and I pledge to use it only for good.  The summer of 2010 was spent lamenting the team's ineptitude and lambasting Scott Baker, with pretty good results.  Then I foolishly tried to look at the playoffs with a bit of hope and the roof caved in.  Lesson learned, nothing but negativity will be forthcoming from here on out.  Even though it would be fun to consider the prospect of continued success, particularly with a crucial stretch of games starting tonight, that's not my role.  My role is to take everything down a peg and remind people of exactly what they're dealing with here.  Frankly, with this roster, that's not going to be too tough.

Because despite the impressive payroll, this team still depends on some guys who make you long for the days of Nick Punto and Eddie Guardado.  Okay, maybe not Punto, but you get the point.  Half of the bullpen arms have us covering our colective eyes every time they take the mound.  The entire defense is playing out of position.  The Japanese import can't hit, the new centerfielder can't throw and the the billion-dollar catcher can't catch.  All of which adds up to the most compelling Twins team in recent memory, a throwback to the $55 million payroll days, when a ball lost in the Metrodome roof and a chopper off the plate were often the "big hits" in a home victory.  They're winning, but you can't exactly figure out how, it's the second coming of 2009's Duct Tape Twins, back for a return engagement.  And once again, they're barely holding this thing together.

Sure a terrible division helps, but some of the contributors so far have been positively bizarre.  Alexi Casilla has apparently ditched his evil alter ego, as has Scott Baker.  Michael "Contract Year" Cuddyer's production isn't that surprising, but how he did it, going from zero production to tearing it up, just adds to the oddity.  Key players up and down the roster have offered anywhere from "zero" to "not much", yet for the last six weeks, the train keeps rolling.  Guys named Revere, Tosoni, Plouffe and Dumatrait aren't going to make anyone forget Mauer and Morneau anytime soon, but they are coming through in enough big moments to keep things interesting, and that's a lot more than we expected two months ago.

Keeping perfectly with this trend, the Twins kick off today's big series against the Indians by sending Anthony Swarzak and Scott Diamond to the mound in a doubleheader.  Neither one ranks among the team's top 6 starting pitching options, but hey, what the hell?  The Duct Tape twins are back, and although the odds don't look promising, it should at least be an interesting ride.

But don't go mistaking that for optimism...

Beermageddon

Honestly, is there anyone left in this country who can get things done?

Everywhere you look, from the NFL, to the NBA, to the state of Minnesota and the federal government, nobody seems to be able to roll up their sleeves and solve the problems of the day.  Instead they throw up their hands, let things collapse and devote their energy to pissing and moaning about how tough the other side is to deal with.  It seems like American society has simply unleashed it's collective Nero, shrugging shoulders and pointing fingers while everything around them burns.

Normally I wouldn't involve myself with such squabbles, since they're more rigged than carnival games, but now things are hitting way to close to home.  Like any other American, I am a collective pile of self-interest.  There are some magnanimous moments and a general hope that good things happen to all the good people out there, but by and large I care about my own lot in life.  My family, my friends, my neighborhood are what matters, beyond that the task just seems too daunting.  90% of people are the same way, but the problem is only 50% of them admit it, the others are self-righteous ***holes.

Don't mistake this as a political position, because I'm not talking about taxes.  I can only hope to one day hand over hundreds of thousands of dollars to the government on an annual basis, because that means at least that much is going into my pocket.  Now is the part where the high wage earners scoff and say "Let's see if you're singing the same tune when that happens", but that's why I'm putting it on paper now, come back and show this to me some day.  Because all I want is a number, give me a number, take it out of the check, and leave me the hell alone.  I'll caveat this by saying, if the number gets to high, I reserve the right to just stay home, but otherwise we should get along fine.

In exchange for this, the only ask is some decent facilities to attend games in, football to watch in the fall, some chicken wings to eat and a cold beer to wash it down.  The basic distraction that any fat, dumb and happy American sportsfan should hold alongside freedom of speech as a God-given right.  Sounds simple, right?  Apparently not.

Because now there's no football, and soon, thanks to our hard-working legislature, there will soon be no beer.  At least not the kind you watch a game with, no Miller Lite, no Coors Light, no joke, in the state of Minnesota, at least until this shutdown nonsense is solved.  Worse yet, there are a bunch of bars that could run out of booze compeltely, without the ability to restock!  I don't know about the particulars, and I don't care, it's just becoming very clear that the people in charge of several large enterprises need a significant wake-up call.  We've all got enough of our own problems to worry about with piling on the fact that none of you seem able to do your jobs.

To the NFL and the state of Minnesota, I will simply say you have a very unsatisfied customer on your hands.  I'm not threatening you, only saying that if I don't have football on TV and a cold Coors on tap come the second Sunday in September, I will not be responsible for my actions.  Please realize that your silly little stands on principle means nothing.  All of you old men owning NFL teams will die and turn to dust, an extra hundred million in the bank will make no difference.  All of you state reps and senators, please realize that things are in decline and has been for some time.  It gets back to entropy, and all systems breaking down.  An egg breaks, silt forms a delta at the mouth of a river, water shapes a stone and a building weathers.  These things move only in one direction, ever downward, why are you letting it bother you so much?  Especially when half the world thinks the actions you're taking to stop it are completely incorrect?

Look, I'm not saying we should throw in the towel on everything, but I'm a realist.  One of these days the rapture will come, or the sun will explode, or some other catastrophic thing will end life as we know it.  It won't be anyone's fault, it will just be.  And when that does occur, won't you feel a bit silly for the time you wasted putting trying to stick your fingers in the dyke? (Easy...)  Wouldn't you rather be holding a cold one and watching the game?  Particularly in the sun scenario?

Sorry to be a downer, but it's a downer sort of day.  I need a beer...while there's still time.

Making it official

In light of this current lull, I'm breaking open my emergency cache of blog topics, which I keep safely squirreled away on the top shelf, behind my 1985-1992 unopened complete sets of Topps baseball cards and the autographed picture of me and Thurl Bailey from Timberwolves basketball camp in 6th grade.  Been saving that puppy for a rainy daylike a Fuzzy Thurston Super Bowl ring, in case I ever fall on hard times and need some quick cash.  The thing I remember most about it was winning the Wolves Spirit Award, which is what they give to the uncoordinated fat kid who tries hard.  Perhaps that's where it all went wrong for me, decades later and I still can't get the losing stench of the Wolves off me, I either need to find that Spirit Award and burn it, or kill Thurl Bailey and eat his heart.  Truth be told I have no problem with the man, but I also have no idea what became of that piece of paper, kind of painted into a corner here, sorry Thurl.

But I digress, staying on topic has always been something of an issue, back to the matter at hand, random nonsense to fill the space between sports and blah.  It occurred to me while sitting in traffic that I've offered many opinions in this space, but not much in the way of official endorsements.  You'll notice that most deal with sports or drinking.  It's not that I'm without other interests, just that none of those interests are important enough to require an official position.  Religious and political affiliations are largely meaningless, who you vote for or pray to is immaterial in the scheme of things.  The bar you frequent for pregame drinks on the other hand?  Well that can set the tone for an entire evening, crucial stuff.

So, with no further ado, recipients of the Official Loserville Chronicles Seal of Approval.

Let's start with some easy ones...

Official color: Green.  For a lot of reasons, namely it's the color 'o St. Paddy's, accents my eyes nicely and is worn by the Fighting Sioux.  Not to mention it's the color of dollars and trees, which are my Official Medium Of Exchange and Official Type Of Flora, respectively.  Lot invested in green at the moment.

Official lucky number: 8.  I'm a fan of the symmetry, both mathematically and geometrically.  Plus it will probably be the number of NFC championship games I'll watch the Vikings lose before I die.

Official beer: Anything not featuring fruit, either as ingredient or garnish.  Not too wild about those European beers that taste like feet either.  This one is open to negotiation though, I will happily adopt any brand offering money and/or free beer.  In fact there's nothing I wouldn't plug if there was money involved, tampons, herpes medication, anything goes.  Become a shill is the American Dream, crossing my fingers.

Official NFL/MLB/NHL/NBA: Vikings, Twins, Wild, Wolves.  Duh.

Official NCAA football: Miami Hurricanes.  Granted a very loose affiliation, wouldn't so much call myself a fan as an admirer.  Preferred national title winner?  The Gophers obviously, but the after we'd all  had a good laugh, the answer would be the Canes.  Dunno why, just is.

Official NCAA basketball: Minnesota Golden Gophers.  Proof positive that all it takes is a pulse to gain my allegiance, I'm sure they're thrilled.

NCAA hockey: North Dakota Fighting Sioux.  Alma mater > Hometown team, but in a few months with degrees from both schools, I'll sew two halves of sweashirts together and straddle the fence.  Believe the only loophole in the laws of sports bigamy is the one exempting degree holders.  Free reign to be insufferable

Official burger: Jucy Lucy at Matt's Bar. Many great choices, but the simplicity of the order here puts it over the top, "Jucy with fries", and that's it, no nosense to mess with. It's like a movie where everybody just asks for a pack of cigarettes without specifying the brand, gotta love that.

Official pizza: Cossetta's. If you want to debate, that just tells me you've never been there.

Official breakfast: Costello's (East side), Fat Nat's Eggs (West side)

Official theme song: "Loser" by Beck. Again, no brainer.

Official Top 5 repeat viewing movies: Happy Gilmore, Caddyshack, Goodfellas, The Big Lebowski, Fargo

Offical pre/postgame Xcel Center drinking establishment: Eagle St Bar & Grille.  Try the Club Wrap, it's excellent.  Goes especially well with 10 screwups, 16 bottles of beer and a few of whatever wicked concoction Garrett is pouring that evening.  If you need some cardio to burn off those calories, I recommend falling down a flight of stairs, I've got several friends who swear by it.

Offical pregame Target Field drinking establishment: The Loon Cafe.  As I stated during my first visit years ago, any place with a page on the menu labeled "More Hot Sandwiches" gets a thumbs up.  Besides, they invented the Grape Ape.  Not sure if that's true, but they have a neon sign proclaiming it, and that's good enough for me.

Offical postgame Target Field drinking establishment: Kieran's if you can get a jump on the crowd out of the ballpark and nail down some real estate.  I find the trick is to head for the exit once you hear the phrase "Now pitching for the Twins, Matt Capps" over the PA.  Fall back option if Kieran's is a madhouse would be Lyon's Pub, highly underrated.

Official pregame Target Center drinking establishment: With the bums under the 4th street bridge, if you're lucky they'll be serving antifreeze and you may go blind before the game starts.

Official postgame Target Center drinking establishment: Okay, who am I kidding, I don't go to Wolves games.

Official fantasy woman: Brooklyn Decker.  Giggity.

I think that covers most of the important stuff.

Half(that) price sale

“Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly get any dumber, you go do something like this…and totally redeem yourself!” – Wild fans, addressing Chuck Fletcher, 7/3/11

I’ve been slacking lately, my apologies, but there was a holiday and these are lean times to begin with.

The Twins are lousy, but not lousy enough to offer the great comedy of April and May. Not to mention that Scott Baker, the one player I truly enjoy ripping, is having a good run of things lately.

The summer drafts have passed, eliminating another talker.

Technically, there's no NFL, which means no NFL free agency or training camp battles to speculate on.

Too early to talk college football, and frankly there's not much to talk about there to begin with, at least not as far as the local university is concerned.

It's the doldrums of the sports calendar and I'm running on fumes. I know that this time of year is when a person should be out playing golf, mowing the lawn, but until recently, the Phantom Summer of 2011 hasn't offered much opportunity there either. Sure there have been a few good days, and things are starting to turn a bit, but I still crave sports entertainment and banter.

Besides, it's usually dark out during my free time, what am I supposed to do with that? The only options are watching whatever Yankees or Red Sox game ESPN is currently airing, checking out the Women's World Cup, or (gulp) network TV. Let's see, "Undercover Boss", "So You Think You Can Dance" or "Letting The Car Idle In The Garage Until Overcome By Carbon Monoxide"? Sounds like I'm going to need a towel and garden hose, would hate to do a half-assed job and only end up a vegetable, I drool enough as it is.

Enter an unlikely savior in the form of the Minnesota Wild, who’ve topped a mild shakeup on draft day with a true blockbuster, dealing Marty "Halfthat" Havlat to the San Jose Sharks in exchange for Dany Heatley. My feelings can be summed up pretty succinctly in a text message to a friend of mine upon hearing the news Sunday night: “Awesome. Awesome, awesome, awesome.” Here I thought the team was stuck with another 2-3 years of Havlat and Mikko Koivu as our best scoring options, playing everything cose to the vest and trying to win every game 2-1. Now with Heatley in the fold, the team finally has the marquee scorer it’s been missing, and added some true excitement going into the season.

Havlat has probably taken too much heat over the last few years, after all, it’s not his fault he got offered big money by a team that didn’t fit his skills. There’s more to the game than goals of course, but there’s also a lot more players who can provide that other stuff, putting the puck in the net will always be a premium skill. Last I checked, that’s still how they decide who won the game. Paying $30 million to a pass-first player like Havlat, who can be phenomenal when paired with great finishers, but fairly average otherwise, never made sense in the first place. At first I was shocked that the Wild didn’t have to include more, at least sending a draft pick to the Sharks, but when reflecting further, it starts to make a bit more sense.

The Sharks have no lack of high-end offensive players, and with a couple young regulars set to earn raises in the next couple of years, saving $2.5 million against the cap also makes sense. The list of names currently on the roster who seem to fit Havlat’s game is long, and it’s easy to imagine him setting up Thornton, Marleau, Pavelski, et al. for a lot of goals before things are said and done. Meanwhile the Wild gets the sniper it’s been lacking, and moves the needle on the offseason from ‘solid’ to ‘spectacular’.

Sure there are risks involved in making this move. Ottawa fans are still bitter about the way Heatley forced his way out of town. But when you consider what’s being given up, the similarity in salaries and the fact the Wild move one season closer to gaining a ton of cap room, this feels like a steal of a deal. Even if he never approaches the 50-goal mark of several years ago, Dany Heatley is the most exciting player the team has seen since Mary-Ann Groinorik left town, score 35-40 and Wild fans will be ecstatic.

Plus, on a personal level, I like how this move impacts the character of the team. For a long time I’ve been clamoring for more North Americans, more college hockey players, and now one of the best of both plays for our team. I’ve loved Heatley’s game since he took the WCHA by storm at the beginning of the last decade; his two seasons at Wisconsin are still among the best I’ve seen. Baggage aside, if given my choice of attainable players to add to this club (meaning no Crosby, Toews, Parise, etc), he would’ve been near the top of the list.

There are holes to fill and improvements to be made, but for the first time in a long time as a Wild fan, it feels like there’s momentum. Hope can be a dangerous thing, especially where trades are involved, but we are long overdue for a fresh bit of it around these parts, welcome to town Mr. Heatley.