So who had April 30th in the pool?

Stop me if you've heard this one before: Veteran QB ponders retirement, gives the indication he'll be back for one more year, begins to hedge with doubts about his body's ability to handle the rigors of another season in the pros, only to ultimately return and deliver a stellar performance.

The NFL draft is a week past, teams have begun mini-camps and other such functions, so it must be time for another annual rite of spring, Brett Favre Wafflepalooza. Those of you holding April 30th tickets in the pool for the "First ESPN story casting doubt on Favre's return", please see the cashier to my left.

In a not-so-stunning twist, today also featured the "First non-denial denial of a story casting doubt on Favre's return", as posted on his website. If you were bold enough to anticipate both events on the same day, my hat's off to you, I myself had May 10th for the former, and didn't expect the latter to occur for at least 24 hours after that. It's almost as if #4 was anticipating the original report and had his response ready to go beforehand; if a person didn't know better, they could almost get the impression that Brett is somehow manipulating the media, which we all know is a ludicrous thought.

On a related note, we really need to get a font for conveying sarcasm.

So what does this mean to the average Vikings fan? As usual, only The Big (Former) Cheese himself can answer that, and he's not talking...at least not until late June/early July, and then only if you have a national talk show.(I wonder if he's ever used the phrase "need-to-know basis" when talking with Chilly?) My gut tells me this is the same drill as last year, setting up an excuse to avoid training camp under the guise of soul-searching about his return. Last year I made the mistake of taking him at his word when he said he was done, and won't be repeating it again. As eager as all of us are to resume the promising Tavaris Jackson Era, we probably should assume it will be delayed for at least one more season (Pretty sure no font is required for that one).

The more pressing question in my mind is, what is the ceiling for this team if he does come back? It's getting tough to be a Vikings fan after so many near-misses, because only one end result will be truly acceptable, it's Super Bowl or bust. Obviously this is a good team that was very close to that goal last year, but life in the NFL is not the linear progression that we see in other sports, where young teams progress from Competitive to Playoff to Contender to Champ. Things are more schizophrenic in pro football, one minute you're a contender coming off a great season, the next your QB is writhing on the ground as your season slips away or inexplicably losing his fastball and dragging the team with him down the tubes; look no further than the 2008 Patriots or 2009 Panthers if you doubt this.

Coming back strong in this league requires a delicate balance of players not regressing, draft picks contributing and above all, avoiding injuries. The Vikings did exceedingly well at the first two last season, and although they got a bit banged up, had relatively good luck with injuries as well. All in all, it was a pretty charmed life, and although I'm rarely confused for an optimist, from where I'm sitting it seems like pretty long odds that the dominoes are going to fall in place so well a second time around. At the end of the day, you'd have to be nuts to argue that the Vikings are a better team without Favre, but the more pressing question is, Are they good enough WITH Favre? All the double-talk and hand-wringing we're sure to see over the next few months could simply be the difference between 10-6 and 8-8, but hey, when you're the hot shooter, you've gotta keep tossing those dice, right?

It just feels like last season was the party and now we're dealing with the hangover that will be the lost 2010 season/Childress contract extension. Now I'm not one to complain, because it was one hell of a party, it's just a shame we couldn't close the deal and get laid, cause this hangover is going to be a killer for sure.

(Base)ball-gagged/Meltdown in Motown

Remember that extremely unplesant scene in Pulp Fiction when the two rednecks take certain, ahem, "liberties" with Ving Rhames character? Well the Minnesota Twins re-enacted it on a baseball diamond in Detroit last night, and the sequel was even more horrible to watch than the first time around. Scott Baker played the role of Maynard in this analogy, creating the situation that allowed it to happen, the umpires were Zed, actually doing the ****ing, and Marcellus Wallace? Alas, fellow Twins fans, that was you and I; hopefully you're not having trouble sitting down this morning.

Now I know I need to throw out the caveats of "long season", "can't win them all", "can still win the series", etc, but I'm not wired that way. Keeping an even keel through the storms of a baseball season is what's required to stay focused and win a title, even the best teams lose 60-70 games, so if you're going to lose your mind every time it doesn't go your way, you'll never make it through. But I'm not on a ship, I'm on a roller coaster, and fortunately, success or failure doesn't hinge on my personal conduct, so let the meltdown begin!

Game 21 of 162 was only one loss in the L column, but will be one that is remembered all season. The last two years have taught us every game counts, and when we're sitting one game up with one to play in September, April 28th will be a date that lives in infamy. Losing, although unpleasant, is acceptable; it can (and has repeatedly) happened. But losing by 5 after leading by 5, with your starting pitcher becoming so abjectly horrible you begin to wonder if he's wagering against the team, is not an option. Sure they were jobbed by the umps, but the game should've never reached a point where the umps were allowed to impact the outcome.

I'm talking to you Scott Baker, at this point I would have no problem letting you chuck a baseball at my chest from 20 feet, ala Bull Durham, cause there ain't no way I'm getting hit. One more outing like that and I start petitioning for Scott Baker D-Cell Battery Night, where you stand on the mound solo and each fan gets one chance to loosen a couple of your fillings with a well-placed Duracell. Better hope the big kid in row 3 above the dugout isn't better at hitting his spots than you are.

Spring, the season of new (and misplaced) hope

So I suck at this blogging thing, but may have found the answer. Over the weekend, I had a small electrode implanted at the base of my skull, any more that 3 days without posting will set of a series of small electric shocks at 30 minute intervals until something is posted. This will either lead to regular postings, or chronic incontinence, we shall see.

So much time off leaves too much to cover, so here's a little rapid-fire Love/Hate to bring us back up to speed:

LOVE - Target Field, just the greatest thing to happen to this town in some time, I finally have a reason to look forward to summer, instead of just considering it the boring 3 months before fall returns.

HATE - The NFL draft on Thursday nights, way to wreck what was a great tradtion, waking up a spending a whole day with friends, celebrating the ultimate day of football hope. I know more people watch TV on Thursdays, but does the NFL really think it's going to steal part of the Grey's Anatomy audience by moving the draft? More likely a bunch of guys that would be watching on a Saturday morning are instead being subjected to the Dancing With the Stars semifinals. Plus they cruised through the picks so quickly, those of us who were watching didn't get to savor it much. Trust me on this, if someone is not a draft fan, they're not going to become one simply because you move it to prime time. It is a small (well maybe not so much anymore) but dedicated group of individuals watching, nobody who couldn't make time for it on Saturday is suddenly glued to the TV on Thursday. I fail to see how this benefits anyone, but as many leagues have proven, it doesn't have to be a good idea to get adopted.

HATE - Viking draft picks; nice job moving up to grab the white running back, no way that backfires. On a related note, we really need to agree on a universal font for sarcasm. As Loserville reader Joe Kelm points out, Adrian and Toby sounds like a gay couple that should be hosting a show on the Food Network, we'll see how this pans out.

LOVE - NHL playoffs, and pity the poor fools who don't watch the greatest tournament in all of sports. Both the NHL and NBA improve greatly this time of year, as players give us a glimpse of what the game looks like when played with full out effort and intensity. Unfortunately, that usually translates to teams trading 15-point blowouts in the NBA, where most NHL games are nailbiters. Advantage: Hockey.

LOVE/HATE - Twins fast start/Twins starting pitching. 19 games in seems like an appropriate time to offer the first official impressions, to quote Brett Favre: "We should be pretty good". Unfortunately, I see good and not great things on the horizon for this team, as I still have significant doubts about the ability of their starters to pitch well consistently. Every guy has dazzled at times, but each one has also laid a turd or two, and a good lineup might hack the whole staff to pieces over a 5 or 7-game series. Liriano is the guy who can change all that, but if pinning your hopes to that guy isn't a prospect that makes you nervous, you haven't been paying attention.

UBER HATE - Fighting Sioux nickname resolution. Can it get any worse than being railroaded by the PC Thought Police over the objections of the people they're claiming to defend? I will grant that the University of North Dakota has been fighting (no pun intended) this battle too long and it needs to end, but it should end with a binding vote of the people impacted, not the foot-dragging inaction of a bunch of bureaucrats.

I'm not going to tell you the Sioux tribes should feel honored or offended, in fact I'm not going to tell anyone anything, I'm simply asking for the open and honest accounting that was allegedly the goal of this process. This ridiculous witchhunt by the NCAA started 5 years ago, and rather than chronicle all of the double standards and missteps in the process, I will simply say that I think they got one things right: Asking the opinion of the tribes impacted and abiding by the result.

Unfortunately the Fighting Sioux nickname will not be afforded the same luxury that the Florida State Seminoles, Central Michigan Chippewas and University of Illinois Fighting Illini were given. Instead, with the nickname receiving overwhelming support in the only binding vote to date, the question of a second and final vote will be allowed to wither on the vine. I accepted some time ago that the name and logo would be gone, all I have ever wanted was honesty from those seeking to remove it. Just admit that you are PC do-gooders who care far more about assuaging your own guilt than the feelings of the people represented by the names.

For an organization that purports to represent the values of integrity and fairplay, the NCAA has shown neither in this case. They have constantly tweaked the rules to create double standards, most likely motivated by a desire to make a fake moral stand on an issue that does not jeopardize their pocketbook. Now that their conditions were seemingly about to be met, the powers that be have conspired to pull the rug and leave the whole thing in perpetual limbo, as that is the only way they can avoid looking like the frauds they are. Sure, it's only a nickname, we can get past it, but I don't like the implication that the will of the people should dictate, until it runs afoul of the will of the government.

Hiatus...DEAD!

So it's been a long layoff, but I don't want to give up on this thing. Frankly I was drunk for much of March; I don't offer that as an excuse or explanation of my poor effort, just an acknowledgement of reality. A friend of mine gave me some good advice, not every post has to be a novel, keep things short and sweet, so I will do that here. The month of March taught me another lesson, or perhaps re-taught in this case: I am a loser, born and bred, so don't get caught up deluding myself into thinking we can win.

Today is an auspicious day, kicking off the beginning of baseball season. For anyone that does not follow baseball, I am sorry, you are missing out on a special phenomenon, a living, breathing thing that weaves itself into your daily routine for half the year. Box scores to start the day, Baseball Tonight to end it, with a game in between; the routine gets so powerful, off days feel strangely incomplete. It is a great time, and the time that offers the fans of Loserville the most hope, as the only team that ever overachieves in this town comes out to play. So, without further ado, my AL Central standings for 2010:

1. White Sox (92-70) - Over the course of the season, the best pitching usually carries the day
2. Twins (90-72) - Starting rotation falters just enough to cost them (like I was goig to pick them to win, it's friggin Loserville for petes sake)
3. Tigers (86-76) - No table setters and not enough power, young pitching also takes a step back
4. Royals (74-88) - See last 20 years of Royals baseball
5. Indians (68-94) - This is what a $50 million payroll with several bad contracts gets you

So there you go, here's to 6 months of ballgames, outdoor baseball in Minneapolis and hopefully a playoff run. Prove me wrong Twins, prove me wrong.