And while we're on the subject

So after discussing athletes and their transgressions in my last post, it got me thinking, who would make up the Felonious All-Stars, the athletes who've committed the most disturbing and/or ridiculous crimes? Now I suppose some of the folks I'm going to discuss deserve to have the term "allegedly" placed in front of their rap sheet, but I don't have time to make those kind of distinctions. I mean we all know OJ did it anyway, so what's the point? We'll do this NBA style:

First Team (Run for your life)

OJ Simpson (Murder, Assault) - No further explanation required, the man revolutionized the "dangerous athlete" genre. Although it is impressive that he didn't learn his lesson the first time around and decided to start threatening people with guns over memorobilia (by the way, failure to learn from past mistakes and general stupidity are going to be a recurring theme, just FYI).

Rae Carruth (Murder) - Bit of a tragic figure here, in the sense that OJ got so much attention as a murdering football player, while Rae was glossed over rather quickly. But when you take into account the profile of the player (OJ - Heisman winner and All Pro, Carruth - Marginal WR) and the manner in which they committed their crimes (OJ - Takes matters into his own hands, Carruth - Pays some amateur hitman to shoot from a vehicle), I suppose it's easy to see why The Juice got more headlines.

Mike Tyson (Rape, Assault) - Jail time for rape, multiple assault charges, bit a man's ear off, Iron Mike's history of insane/dangerous behavior is well documented. I'm guessing even the other guys on the list wouldn't mess with him, he's that scary. Let's move on just in case he somehow finds out I wrote this.

Lawrence Taylor (Rape, hit-and-run, enough drugs to kill Keith Richards) - New addition in the past week, given the new accusation that he raped a 15-year-old girl. This adds to a rap sheet spanning two decades, in which LT was arrested roughly 1,200 times for drug use or possession, then capped it by hitting a guy with his car and driving off. For those of you keeping score at home, hit-and-run is good if you're a baseball player, bad in every other setting. Amazingly enough, he probably wouldn't have even cracked the first team, had the latest legal snafu not occurred, but that's what the great ones do, they never settle for second best. Wouldn't be surprised to see press release from LaDanian Tomlinson in the next few weeks, emphasizing that he'd like to be know as LDT form now on, just to avoid any confusion.

Lawrence Phillips (Pick a crime, any crime) - This was a tough pick, a lot of guys could make a strong argument for filling out the 5th spot on the squad. While Phillips has never killed anybody, the sheer volume of his transgressions, and fact he perpetrated many against friends and acquaintances, puts him over the top. Although his forte was beating up women, Phillips versatility allowed him to rack up charges and/or convictions for child abuse, assault with a deadly weapon, false imprisonment, terroristic threats and auto theft. In 2009 he was sentenced to 31 years in prison for driving his car into a group of teenagers following a dispute over a pickup football game. THAT my friends, is a First Team Felonious All-Star.

Second Team ( Keep your guard up)

Bam Morris (Drug possession with intent) - Just kept showing up in the wrong place at the wrong time, typically with a couple hundred pounds of marijuana. Athletes with drugs doesn't even register these days, but throw in the phrase "in excess of 200 pounds" and it begins to catch the attention.

Michael Vick (Dogfighting) - Okay, so it's not on the level of killing or maiming people, but this guy is pretty damn despicable. From several close encounters with drug dealers to the civil suit alleging he passed on herpes to a couple of women, not interested in having him around. If not for the hilarious use of the alias Ron Mexico while procuring treatment for his herpes problem, there would be no redeeming value in the Michael Vick story whatsoever.

Dontae Stallworth/Leonard Little (Vehicular homicide)- Valuable lesson learned here, getting drunk and plowing your car into somebody is really no big deal if you're rich. This lesson was not lost on Little, who had a 2nd drunken driving conviction a few years after he killed somebody.  In this, he did learn something...just not something positive.

1990s Dallas Cowboys (Drugs, Guns, All Type of Crazy Shit) - Seemed fairly harmless, unless of course you were a lady who liked to party in Dallas circa 1994, then things might've gotten a bit dicey. No word on whether Michael Irvin will have to sell off part of that snazzy wardrobe to pay legal fees, suppose he could always go into the "import/export" business with Nate Newton (wink, wink).

Dwight Gooden/Darryl Strawberry (Drugs with a capital D) - Good teammates often hang out off the field, and these two guys shared the same hobby. New York is the City That Never Sleeps, and in the case of Doc and Straw, that was perfect, who can sleep after snorting a cubic foot of booger sugar? Multiple counts of drug possession, capped off with soliciation of a prostitute for Strawberry and fleeing police for Gooden finally landed both in jail. Although they never reached the violent heights of others on the list, the possibly squandered more potential than any set of teammates in history, which deserves a salute in my opinion.

Honorable mentions

JR Rider - Toughest omission, because of the jaw-dropping stupidity he displayed so often. A multi-millionaire sitting in the back of a car pulled over on an interstate, smoking grass out of a pop can is just priceless. Hey JR, are you aware you could afford to buy a house reserved for the sole purpose of doing drugs? Call up the Dallas Cowboys, they know how that type of thing works.

Ben Rapelisberger Roethlisberger - Not charged or convicted of anything, so tough to include, still one of the last guys any parent with teenage daughters would want to see moving in down the street.

Pete Rose - Went to jail, but tax evasion is so pedestrian; there's no there there.

Jamal Lewis - Making a phone call to set up a drug deal lacks sizzle, frankly it's hard to believe he did jail time, must've hired the wrong lawyer.

Travis Henry - When you have 12 kids to feed, sometimes you need to get crative

Delonte West - Okay, so the guns were registered, but did you really need to be rolling around on your motrocycle with 3 of them? A 9MM, magnum and shotgun, were you planning on re-enacting a scene from Blade or something?

Ugueth Urbina - So close, but things that happen in another country really hurt the news value. Hacking guys up with machettes, then pouring gasoline on them and burning them would get you on the team if it had happened in the US.