Man, I don't know what I did to irritate a higher power lately, but the world certainly seems to have it in for me. Yesterday a jury duty summons showed up in the mail, which isn't that big a deal, and would only qualify as a minor annoyance, but for the fact that my term of service coincides with the WCHA Final Five. Pardon my French, but this is total f**king bulls**t, and I'm pissed.
How do they pick the absolute worst possible week on the calendar for me to be stuck in a courtroom? It's like somebody is intentionally messing with me here. Not only is it the best sports weekend of the year, there are day games Thursday and Friday that just can't be missed. Of particular concern is heading back into court on Friday morning after hitting the night game on St. Paddy's Day. Doesn't take a crystal ball to figure out that I won't be in tip-top shape for that one, and something tells me judges would tend to frown on jurors showing up slightly under the influence.
Obviously me serving jury duty that week is wholly impossible, in fact I refuse to even entertain the notion. Never dealt with this particular aspect of the state, but I'd like to assume they're reasonable people. Famous last words, I know, but a simple one month delay should really not be a huge deal, right? I hope? Gulp.
Just gotta find the right angle here, let's see. Apparently you have to tread lightly in these situations, as this guy found out. I'm certainly going to shoot for something less in-your-face than what this gentleman attempted. But how do I make it subtle enough to avoid jail, while still guaranteeing my freedom that particular week? Do I just tell them I can spot guilty people on sight, and don't have time to be worrying about evidence? Do I offer the opinion that being in a courtroom in the first place is probably a good sign you did something wrong? Explain that my religious beliefs endow God alone with the power to judge, ergo jury duty is a form of blasphemy? They'd have to respect that, right?
Anyway, I've gotta do something, because this situation is UN-AC-CEPTABLE. Period. Wish me luck.
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