Making it official

In light of this current lull, I'm breaking open my emergency cache of blog topics, which I keep safely squirreled away on the top shelf, behind my 1985-1992 unopened complete sets of Topps baseball cards and the autographed picture of me and Thurl Bailey from Timberwolves basketball camp in 6th grade.  Been saving that puppy for a rainy daylike a Fuzzy Thurston Super Bowl ring, in case I ever fall on hard times and need some quick cash.  The thing I remember most about it was winning the Wolves Spirit Award, which is what they give to the uncoordinated fat kid who tries hard.  Perhaps that's where it all went wrong for me, decades later and I still can't get the losing stench of the Wolves off me, I either need to find that Spirit Award and burn it, or kill Thurl Bailey and eat his heart.  Truth be told I have no problem with the man, but I also have no idea what became of that piece of paper, kind of painted into a corner here, sorry Thurl.

But I digress, staying on topic has always been something of an issue, back to the matter at hand, random nonsense to fill the space between sports and blah.  It occurred to me while sitting in traffic that I've offered many opinions in this space, but not much in the way of official endorsements.  You'll notice that most deal with sports or drinking.  It's not that I'm without other interests, just that none of those interests are important enough to require an official position.  Religious and political affiliations are largely meaningless, who you vote for or pray to is immaterial in the scheme of things.  The bar you frequent for pregame drinks on the other hand?  Well that can set the tone for an entire evening, crucial stuff.

So, with no further ado, recipients of the Official Loserville Chronicles Seal of Approval.

Let's start with some easy ones...

Official color: Green.  For a lot of reasons, namely it's the color 'o St. Paddy's, accents my eyes nicely and is worn by the Fighting Sioux.  Not to mention it's the color of dollars and trees, which are my Official Medium Of Exchange and Official Type Of Flora, respectively.  Lot invested in green at the moment.

Official lucky number: 8.  I'm a fan of the symmetry, both mathematically and geometrically.  Plus it will probably be the number of NFC championship games I'll watch the Vikings lose before I die.

Official beer: Anything not featuring fruit, either as ingredient or garnish.  Not too wild about those European beers that taste like feet either.  This one is open to negotiation though, I will happily adopt any brand offering money and/or free beer.  In fact there's nothing I wouldn't plug if there was money involved, tampons, herpes medication, anything goes.  Become a shill is the American Dream, crossing my fingers.

Official NFL/MLB/NHL/NBA: Vikings, Twins, Wild, Wolves.  Duh.

Official NCAA football: Miami Hurricanes.  Granted a very loose affiliation, wouldn't so much call myself a fan as an admirer.  Preferred national title winner?  The Gophers obviously, but the after we'd all  had a good laugh, the answer would be the Canes.  Dunno why, just is.

Official NCAA basketball: Minnesota Golden Gophers.  Proof positive that all it takes is a pulse to gain my allegiance, I'm sure they're thrilled.

NCAA hockey: North Dakota Fighting Sioux.  Alma mater > Hometown team, but in a few months with degrees from both schools, I'll sew two halves of sweashirts together and straddle the fence.  Believe the only loophole in the laws of sports bigamy is the one exempting degree holders.  Free reign to be insufferable

Official burger: Jucy Lucy at Matt's Bar. Many great choices, but the simplicity of the order here puts it over the top, "Jucy with fries", and that's it, no nosense to mess with. It's like a movie where everybody just asks for a pack of cigarettes without specifying the brand, gotta love that.

Official pizza: Cossetta's. If you want to debate, that just tells me you've never been there.

Official breakfast: Costello's (East side), Fat Nat's Eggs (West side)

Official theme song: "Loser" by Beck. Again, no brainer.

Official Top 5 repeat viewing movies: Happy Gilmore, Caddyshack, Goodfellas, The Big Lebowski, Fargo

Offical pre/postgame Xcel Center drinking establishment: Eagle St Bar & Grille.  Try the Club Wrap, it's excellent.  Goes especially well with 10 screwups, 16 bottles of beer and a few of whatever wicked concoction Garrett is pouring that evening.  If you need some cardio to burn off those calories, I recommend falling down a flight of stairs, I've got several friends who swear by it.

Offical pregame Target Field drinking establishment: The Loon Cafe.  As I stated during my first visit years ago, any place with a page on the menu labeled "More Hot Sandwiches" gets a thumbs up.  Besides, they invented the Grape Ape.  Not sure if that's true, but they have a neon sign proclaiming it, and that's good enough for me.

Offical postgame Target Field drinking establishment: Kieran's if you can get a jump on the crowd out of the ballpark and nail down some real estate.  I find the trick is to head for the exit once you hear the phrase "Now pitching for the Twins, Matt Capps" over the PA.  Fall back option if Kieran's is a madhouse would be Lyon's Pub, highly underrated.

Official pregame Target Center drinking establishment: With the bums under the 4th street bridge, if you're lucky they'll be serving antifreeze and you may go blind before the game starts.

Official postgame Target Center drinking establishment: Okay, who am I kidding, I don't go to Wolves games.

Official fantasy woman: Brooklyn Decker.  Giggity.

I think that covers most of the important stuff.