Taking a break from the playoff hockey talk today, as it's probably getting repetitive. Not that their isn't plenty to discuss in that vein. The OT streak was extended to 9 yesterday, on the second of back-to-back double-Game 7 evenings, it just finally seems time to weigh in on the NFL Draft.
Now I might hate the fact that draft chatter starts in February, hate that they moved the first round to Thursday, hate the cloud of a lockout hanging over this year's proceedings and hate the fact that even the people who evaluate players for a living will admit it's a total crapshoot (why am I supposed to care what they have to say when they admit it's probably wrong), but if I bailed on everything that caused me irritation in life, what would be left? Like most things happening, I don't hate the event, I hate the people who beat the event into the ground, until it can't be escaped!
I don't hate politicians, I hate the folks who voted for them acting like they somehow accomplished something by casting that vote. (FYI, it takes less effort to fill out a circle on a ballot than I expend in my morning trip to the john. Particularly if I ate something spicy the night before) I don't hate reality TV, I hate how blatantly obvious it makes the stupidity of the populous. I don't hate the Olympics, I hate the people who seem to think there's some relevancy switch in life that I can flip to make me care about swimming for a week every 4 years, despite not giving it a second thought the other 207. I don't hate US Weekly and TMZ, I hate the fact that more people apparently read these publications than newspapers. I don't even hate the Green Bay Packers, just the idiotic interlopers who sit next to me at Minnesota bars, crowing about how great Wisconsin is.
Point being, I bitch, therefore I am, kind of like one of those fish who has to keep swimming or it dies. I can give just about anything a chance, but will rebel aggressively once I feel it's being forced upon me. In a football-crazy world, draft and lockout talk has been the eclipse blocking out the warm sun of playoff action and baseball season. Draftniks don't just beat a dead horse, they skin it, filet it, make furniture out of it's bones and a wig out of it's mane. There is a time and a place for everything, and for this guy, when it comes to draft talk, that's about 24 hours before the first pick happens.
Because as much as it might annoy, the draft is an event. It's the introduction to the public of the new players in America's most popular sport, and to those of us backing teams with lousy prospects, a sorely needed ray of hope. Am I still unimpressed with this year's draft class and irritated by the lockout news? Sure, but I'm also not ready to totally give up the chatter. This was crystalized during a recent conversation, when my joke about draft conversation was met with "I'd rather talk about the Royal Wedding." Whoa. That's going way too far. I have to assume that was a joke, at least I hope it was, otherwise there's a friend I can no longer speak with.
Just think about waking up on Friday morning or staying up all night on Thursday, because you cared about the nuptials of a couple you've never met half a world away. Furthermore, the reason you care about them is not because they posses any special talents, but rather because one of them was spawed from an inbred bloodline that once upon a time killed off enough of their enemies to seize power (that might not be exactly how it happened, but frankly I don't care). They're not even real royalty. Can't order anyone beheaded, lay seige to a castle, pour a bit of boiling tar on a horde, condemn a serf to slavery, nothing. Big house, some servants, it's basically like they're casting a UK version of "The Hills". I for one, am unimpressed.
So much like the guilt I feel while eating a huge sandwich in front of the TV and the commercial about starving kids comes on, my situation is minor by comparison. Imagine for one moment a world in which the tsunami of draft info suddenly morphed into, ROYAL WEDDING NEWS!!! I'd probably have to go on some kind of killing spree just so something else would be on the radio in the cop car while they were taking me to jail. I know one thing, the question of "Have you seen pictures of the Royal Wedding?" is being added to the list I use to determine whether I accept someone's mockery of my sports fixation or alert them to why they are full of sh*t. If you read US Weekly, you've lost the high ground in making fun of draft chatter. If you stay up until 4 AM to watch this thing live...well then you've lost the right to ever make fun of anything again. Frankly I'm going to need to take a moment conferring with the other patriots to determine if we can allow you to live.
Because this hate isn't like the ones list above, this one is the genuine article. I hate the monarchy itself as much as those who worship it. Call me old fashioned, but we fought a war to rid this country of a king, and in the 200 or so years since, it's my personal belief that they've just been looking for an opening to pay us back. Used to be someone who showered adoration on royalty was not a welcome member of this republic. We called them Royalists, and either killed them on the spot, or burned their homes and took their stuff. These days, it seems as if we've lost our collective edge in that regard.
Now you can give me that weak-ass argument about how that was the 1700s, and times have changed, but to that I say BS. If we don't keep a close eye on these slippery Royalist s.o.b.s, we'll all be riding the lift, using the loo and ending our conversations with 'Cheers" before you know it. Do your part to stem the British invasion, if you have suspicion that they're may be a Royal Wedding gathering occurring in your neighborhood this week, alert the authorities. They may appear to be harmless, but the truth is you never know what one of them is plotting to do, much like child molesters, we need to know the wherabouts of these people at all times.
So where was I? Oh yeah, the draft. Apparently there are 6 guys the Vikings would like to get, and if they don't get one of them, they might move down. Or they might not. This is the riveting specuation that is the hallmark of draft week. For my part I can only say that there are a few guys I'd like to see on the team, but they won't be available, so I'm largely indifferent. Here's my wish list:
1. Prince Amukamara (CB), Nebraska - Out cornerbacks now consist of an aging midget, guy with no ACLs, (alledgedly) gun-toting infirmary case and other assorted castoffs. Sure anyone who watched Winfield wreak havoc during the Philly game last year can see his potential playing the slot in an aggressive, blitz-happy scheme, but he's never been a classic cover guy and getting older isn't helping. LSU corner Patrick Peterson, everyone's top player who we have no chance at grabbing, will go Top 5, we can only hope The Prince slips past Dallas and Houston to fall into our laps. Heck, maybe we can lure Nnamdi here and get the Asomugha-Amukamura connection going, that'd be sweet for everyone who didn't have to call the games.
2. Anthony Costanzo (OT), USC - On a team with as many holes as the Vikings, my general attitude is to rebuild the offensive line and defensive secondary before worrying about the skill positions. I mean a franchise QB is great, if you can keep him alive long enough to learn how to be a franchise QB. Matthew Stafford was drafted first overall two years ago, but hasn't been able to stay on the field. I see history repeating itself if the Vikes try to grab a young starting QB while ignoring their line. Costanzo was a 4-year starter who went up against some of the best defensive players in college football. Plus he would put into play every George Costanza quote/joke out there. That's what we call an intangible.
3. Robert Quinn (LB-DE), North Carolina - There was a lot of steam around the Vikings taking this guy, but lately it's been appearing he will go in the Top 10. He strikes me as a better fit for a 3-4 and was suspended all of last year, which is troublesome, but I watched a bit of film on him (I know, RUBE!) and he's a beast. With Ray Edwards about to be history and a team that might need to lean heavily on it's defense for the next couple of years, Quinn might be the guy.
4. Nick Fairley (DT), Auburn - Supposedly not a great effort guy, so could be Haynesworth 2.0, but he was in the conversation for #1 overall a couple months ago. If he's there at #12, I'd take him.
5. Jake Locker (QB), Washington - Didn't say I was allergic to first-round QBs, just a bit gun-shy about this year's crop. Crazy as it might sound, I like Locker in the mid-first better than Newton or Gabbert at the top of it. To apply a fantasy football strategy, look at the guys who were at the top of the list last year, but are now a little ways down. Odds are they didn't forget how to play football, just had an off year, and the talent that put them on top is still there. Jake Locker was considered one of the best, if not the best, quarterbacks in last year's draft. If you can pick him mid-round, maybe add a late pick by moving down while doing so, pull the trigger.
Some other guys I like: Julio Jones - WR (eff you Sidney, don't let the door hit you), Gabe Carimi/Mike Pouncey - OL (ditto, McKinnie), Cameron Jordan - DE (Steve's kid!)
Some guys I don't: Christian Ponder/Ryan Mallet - QBs (2nd round at the earliest), Tyron Smith - OT (just something that makes me uneasy about USC guys), Jimmy Smith - CB (if only it was the wideout and this was 2002!)
It's perhaps the craziest draft year ever, with opinions flying all over the board. No free agency or trades have put teams in the weird position of not really know what their full roster looks like before drafting. Could be an interesting day.
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