The crack investigative team at Loserville has come into possession of the personal journal of Vikings coach Brad Childress. This should be an enlightening look into the mind of a football genius as he prepares for the 2010 season:
July 27th
Best part of training camp? Chance to wear wide-brim Panama hat. Picked up new one during offseason and have been saving for the occasion. Z. Wilf ruined former favorite by cutting holes in the top during video meeting last season; hexagon shapes left sunburned patches on head, giving soccer ball-like appearance. Kept calling me Pele the rest of the week, sometimes he can be so hurtful.
July 30th
B. Favre list of demands arrived via secured courier today, up a half-page from last year. New requirement that D. Bevell serve as offseason butler could have been problematic, but apparently included in contract extension under blanket 'Favre Happiness' clause. Need to review own extension for similar language.
August 1st
Failure to grasp kickass offense makes it clearer than ever that plan to have T. Jackson eliminated and buried in the desert following 2008 Arizona game should've been followed through. Could've claimed corner was being turned and eliminated ongoing risk to reputation as offensive genius/QB guru. Mistake will not be repeated.
August 3rd
B Favre list of demands hits home with 'Scraggly Beard Exclusivity' addendum. Farewell rightgeous chin moss.
August 4th
Masterful performance by yours truly today, leading media in circles on Favre news. Watergate line drew guffaw from assistant equipment guy Fred, think he's due for a promotion. New QB coach perhaps?
August 5th
Z. Wilf threats of tearing up contract extension upon B. Favre retirement are not appreciated, possible to return lifetime supply of mustache wax?
August 7th
Disconcerting hearing D. Rosenhaus referring to S. Rice injury as "quote-unquote hip problem" on conference calls. All that winking at June meeting suddenly making more sense.
August 10th
Hiding under desk to avoid angry M. Wilf , outside office haranguing D. Bevell on lack of B. Favre progress, S. Rice not practicing and P. Harvin MIA. Quick thinking by OC to defuse situation with foot rub, kid has a future in this business.
August 13th
Eve of first preseason game, poor night's sleep after being accosted by Z. Wilf at 3 AM wielding bar of soap in sock. Just finished watching Full Metal Jacket and was caught up in the moment. Same crazy look in his eye when informed of T. Jackson starting playoff game versus Eagles.
August 15th
Possible spin for S. Rosenfels performance? Cite Rams record, excuse lack of T. Jackson snaps due to reluctance to reveal new wrikles in kickass offense, offer effusive praise for special teams with convoluted football insider language. All else fails, say question can't be answered until tape has been reviewed, repeat.
August 16th
Woke to text message picture of B. Favre genitalia and demand that t-shirts featuring image and phrase"Mondays are for dicks" be worn by coaching staff at team film sessions throughout season.
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