Don't panic, that's what they'll try and tell you.
It's still so early, there's no reason to think things can't still work out. Plenty of time, just remain calm.
Besides, this isn't a surprise, or at least it shouldn't have been, you knew the odds were stacked against you going in. Trying to drum up a few reasons for optimism is one thing, deluding yourself into thoughts of success, quite another.
They're right in some regards, at least the part about being honest with yourself. As for the part about it still being early, well that just might mean we've got a whoooooole lot of bad football to sit through before things are finished.
I offer no opinions, simply numbers, judge them as you will...
1999: As in the year of our lord, nineteen hundred and ninety-nine, the last time that New Mexico State University beat a team from a BCS conference.
0: Number of longtime Gopher fans who can honestly say they were shocked by the upset
2: Number of seconds it appeared that the caliber of Gopher football might've actually killed one of their coaches. Honestly thought we might have one of these situations on our hands, glad that wasn't the case.
39: Number of passing yards amassed by Donovan McNabb in 4 quarters of football last Sunday.
117: Corresponding number of feet
20: Feet from my couch to the fridge
61: Estimated number of yards I outgained McNabb by while grabbing beers on Sunday
1: Number of beer fridges that need to be purchased for the living room
197: Tavaris Jackson's passing yardage
309.6: Average passing yards throw for by the other three NFC North QBs
8: Number of games it would take McNabb to ammass that total at his current pace
13: Number of games it would take to equal the 511 yards Tom Brady threw for last night
187: Vikings total offensive yardage
143: Patriots offensive yardage on two first-quarter TD drives
7,482: Total passing yards in Week One, more than any other week in NFL history
245: Average passing yards per team
14: Quarterbacks who threw for over 300 yards
Infinitely: How much worse this makes McNabb's day look by comparison
3: Number of my fantasy football teams that lost (out of 3 leagues)
6-10: My record picking games against the spread
11-5: My sister's record, using a system based mostly on who would win a fight between team mascots
2.5: Over/under on how many more weeks like this I'll be able to take before changing my name and disappearing to the wilds of Canada
Awesome blog!!! Absolutely hilarious!!
ReplyDeleteYour sister was just making her week two picks and from the other room I heard "Oh my god! It's the matchup of the century!". I came in and asked which game and she said the Falcons and Eagles. She didn't know which of those birds would win in a fight, but after a couple of google searches, she decided that an eagle looks like more of a badass than a falcon. She will be rooting for the Eagles on Sunday.
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