2012 State of the 'Ville: The University of Mediocrity

I was going to talk about the University of Minnesota sports teams, but given what’s going on this week, and their recent history, I can’t muster much steam to discuss them. So football and basketball, all you get is a haiku, which is probably more than you’re worth at this point.

Gopher football:

Fits of competence
Can’t mask the reality
They're still sh*tty

Gopher basketball:

Tubby Smith can’t stop
A winless Big Ten Season
Start cheating again

You can go on and on about how to fix these broken programs, but the bottom line is they’ve been bad for a long time and at the moment might be worse than ever. Understanding that a lot of passion exists for these teams, it hasn’t been enough to turn the tide for a very long time. Flashes of competence have appeared, and frankly that’s really all we’re asking for at this point. The bar has been lowered to such an extreme that a winning season or tourney berth might be just cause to overturn a car or two in Dinkytown. Well be back for the fall hope sale, at the moment, there’s not much to discuss.

Where there is something to discuss, for the first time in a couple seasons, is on the hockey front, where the University’s one consistent performer appears to have shaken off its recent slump. After back-to-back years of missing the NCAA tourney, the maroon-and-gold seem to have righted itself and are looking like a lock to make the field this spring. Of course, being a fan of the University of North Dakota (team name omitted), I am duty bound to hate the Golden Rodents. While I may not begrude succes to many friends who count themselves fans, I cannot in good conscience root for them.  Probably a lucky thing, as my support has never boded well for any other Minnesota athletic endeavors.

This weekend is one that has come to be circled on the calendar, as three of the past four years, the second week in January has been host to both the NFL Divisional playoffs and a Sioux-Gophers hockey series. This is the first year that the Sioux will not officially be known as the Sioux, having officially retired the name at the end of last year, but I will continue to call them as such, regardless of what the PC terrorists at the NCAA have instructed. You can have my nickname when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. For future reference, please note that the tribes required to give approval likely supported the Fighting Sioux, but they were not allowed to voice said support through a binding vote. Just in case some schmuck tells you otherwise, this wasn’t about helping anybody, just the college sports authority trying to take people’s eye off the ball.

It’s a bit amazing that the NCAA has the time to go about writing societal wrongs of this type, seeing as how they can’t even create system to crown a football champion that’s worth a f*ck. But this horse has been beaten to death over the years, not going to be belabor the point it again. Just had to get in a few shots at a corrupt, money-grubbing organization who exercises it’s outrage selectively, against only those wrongs that don’t impact its bottom line. This has been an unfair, despicable process to watch unfold, but it is what it is, and it’s over, just like this rant.

Because even if it doesn’t say ‘Sioux’ on the front of the jersey, the hockey games this weekend are going to be just as fun to attend, and just as huge in the standings for a UND team that got out of the gate slowly. It’s been 20 years since one of these teams swept a 4-game season series from the other, and since I’ll be in attendance for both tilts, I’m really hoping that this isn’t the year when that steak is broken. The Gophers may be in the catbird seat, but the guys in green have quite a bit of work to do, fortunately this is usually the time of year that they start taking care of business. This post from a year ago captures my personal history with the matchup; beyond that, there’s not much to say but GO SIOUX!

NFL Playoff Picks

Just when I start to think I'll be able to sit and watch sports like a sane adult, something comes along to set me off.  Last Sunday, watching God's own virginal soldier Tim Tebow lead the Denver Broncos to victory was one of those things.  Back in November 2010, when Tebowmania was just in it's infant stages, I declared him an official sports nemesis.  So of course, it's not surprising to see the success he's enjoyed since.  As usual, it's not the man (or the band, or the fad, or the show) that I hate, it's the disciples who wander around, incessantly touting it's virtues.  If Tim Tebow were just another mediocre passer, that would be that, but unfortunately he brings along extra baggage that I'm sure you're all aware of.

At times earlier this season, my view softened, due to the enjoyment of improbably Bronco wins that featured almost zero discernable quarterback play.  Unfortunately I never imagined this trend would show up to start compromising the NFL postseason.  The enjoyable part of it was the circus-freak quality, passes in the dirt and 3-for-15 performance that somehow spelled victory.  Watching last Sunday was like having your son bring the bearded lady home to dinner, okay on a midway, not so much in the living room.

And he's just such a lucky bastard!  It always irritates me when teams make a game they don't belong in through good fortune, inevitably compromising the entertainment value when they do.  Last season's Bears team had no business in the NFC Championship game, but thanks to a string of regular-season games against 3rd-string QBS, and an improbable upset by Seattle, there they were.  I hated them for that, and it's was much the same with Tebow.

But then something happened, and it's the thing I hate happening when I get worked into a nice lather with a good case of sports hate: Perspective crept in.  You watch the press conference from last week's game, and one of the first things he brings up is comforting a sick girl before the game.  Dang.  Every quote is dripping with humbleness, praise of teammates, just the general qualities you hope the people in the public eye possess.  You're making it very tough to dislike you Tim.

Of course there are the twelve mentions of God in two minutes, it's at the point where the sound of his voice causes my eyes to roll involuntarily.

But anyway, officially flip-flopping for the 27th time and softening my stance on Tebow.  Let the chips fall where they may, if he can pull off a miracle and win the Super Bowl, well then I'm officially a believer in that Mayan end-of-days prophecy, somebody save me a seat at church.

Of course if he guides his team there, then hands the Packers another championship with a 5-27, 39 yard stinkbomb, we're back to square one.


New Orleans (-3.5) @ San Francisco

It would be great to see the 49ers win this game, but I just don't see it happening.  You can definitely make the argument, they're at home, outdoors, on grass.  The defense has been great and you know the team will be jacked up.

But you know the Saints are going to score some points, and being able to spread the Niners out, totally negating the strength of their run defense, gives them the nod to victory in my mind.  New Orleans will score, and I don't like an Alex Smith-led offense's chances of answering.  Of course I'm also the guy who thought T.J. Yates had no chance of winning a playoff game last week, so what do I know?

The pick: New Orleans 27, San Francisco 20


Denver @ New England (-13.5)

Two reasons:

This line is huge.
I'm done betting against Tebow in the playoffs when it's obvious he has mystical forces on his side.

It was my mistake reading too much into the hiccups down the stretch in December.  I'd imagine God as a sports entity is kind of like Phil Jackson, he might allow some things to slip during the regular season, but you know he's going to have things locked in come playoff time.  It doesn't matter if the Holy Ghost (Kobe) is pouting about not getting top billing or Jesus (Shaq) spends the first few months of the season playing himself into shape, when that bell rings, it will be answered.

And I will not be on the wrong side of another Tebow victory cover.

The pick: New England 31, Denver 20


Houston @ Baltimore (-7.5)

The Joe Flacco coming out party that quiets his doubters and shows he's a big-time QB?

Or the Joe Flacco collapse that starts Ravens fans down the "we'll never win anything with Flacco!" path?

Neither would surprise me, but the combination of Baltimore being undefeated at home and the belief that T.J. Yates has to fold eventually (right?) has me leaning toward a fairly easy Ravens victory.  Not to mention I don't think a Texans defensive end will manage to grab a pick-six on a pass thrown while he was standing about two feet from the quarterback!  Forget the 80-yard pass to end the Denver game, for my money that was the most amazing play of the weekend.  Not breaking fingers on that play would've been good, never mind a catch and return.

The pick: Baltimore 27, Houston 17


New York Giants @ Green Bay (-7.5)

Of all the games happening this weekend, this is the one I will be rooting the hardest for.  My favorite remaining team taking on the hated Cheeseheads from the state next door, not much could be finer than a Giant victory.

Unfortunately, I don't like the vibe of what I'm hearing, there are just a few too many people giving the Giants a bit too good of a chance.  We are, after all, talking about a 15-win team, playing at home, against the most inconsistent squad in the league.  Tell me all you want about how the Giants have the right kind of team to beat the Packers, how they can get pressure with their front four, and they almost beat them last time.  I'd love to agree, but I just don't think so, too many good vibes are a bad thing for the G-Men, they need to be given no chance to succeed.  Although for gambling purposes, sure would be nice if this line was 6 1/2.

The pick: Green Bay 35, New York Giants 24

All the negativity in this town sucks

It's come to my attention recently that some people feel most of what I write is overly negative.  There's even been concern expressed over my mental well-being.  To take the second point first, let me assure you that I am fine, and not suffering any ill effects from the constant stream of bad news that has been the last year of Minnesota sports.  After so many letdowns, only great disappointment has the power to wound, and in order to be greatly disappointed, you must first have some kind of expectations.  Save for the Fighting Sioux hockey team, there hasn't been much in the way of expectations during the last cycle of the calendar.  Falls don't hurt so bad when you've only climbed to the first rung of the ladder, the current situation is rolling over me like water off a duck's back.

As to the first point, the blog is called Loserville for a reason, and man has this town been living up to that moniker lately.  Although I trend negative due to years of experience, there have been nuggets of optimism sprinkled through these posts.  Sure the doldrums of summer tend to get me down, but the last post was packed with upcoming highlights of the fall season, what could be more optimistic than that?  I picked the Twins to win the division and Gopher football team to win 7 games last year, that's looks like optimism bordering on delusion at this point.

But being that we're on the cusp of a new season, it's probably a good time to pump things up and get excited about the prospects of the various local teams.  There will be plenty of time to lament failure later on.  If sports had it's own calendar, then August 31st would be New Year's Eve; tomorrow September starts, and with it comes fresh versions of football, hockey and basketball teams at all levels.  Baseball has it's own weird calendar that doesn't really fit, like it's run by the Mayans or something, but for the rest of the world, the slate has been wiped clean, and it's time to get rolling.

So now, I will attempt my most difficult feat.  In a town where all four professional teams have missed the playoffs, the college football team was not bowl-eligible, the college basketball team failed to qualify for March Madness and the college hockey team couldn't make it's own conference tourney, I am going to be 100% positive:

Sure, it's been a rough season for the Twins, but have you ever seen a team with this many injury issues?  They got a little fat and happy with their new stadium and division championship last season, and things slipped a bit, but give it a year and they'll be back on top, looking down at the Tigers and White Sox like they've done all decade.  Plenty of money coming off the books, the young guys continue to improve, things will be just fine.

Sure, the Wolves have been an NBA laughingstock for the last few seasons and will likely start the season in a lockout, but all signs point to Rick Adelman as the new coaching hire, which could be a game-changer for the franchise.  We'll give them a mulligan on the Rambis thing, he was a bad fit from the start, and it was good that they recognized their mistake and cut their losses.  With all the young talent on this team, there's a lot to be excited about, all it will take is a patient coach who knows how to tap into said talent, and Adelman is likely that guy.

Sure, the Wild made a bunch of signings that killed their cap flexibility in the present and future, but with some of those contracts coming off the books and a few savvy trades, they have the look of a playoff contender.  The young defenseman will need to step up, along with the goaltending, but the upcoming Wild squad appears to have more scoring punch than any version since the days of a healthy Marian Gaborik, which we know weren't many.

Sure, the Vikings missed their window, and are entering a transitional period, but who's to say what will happen in an NFL season?  Although it's going to take a lot of luck to get over .500, worse teams than this have qualified for the playoffs, it's the one league where (almost) every team truly has a shot.  Heck, the Bears won 11 games last year, and I'm not sure they were markedly more talented that this year's Vikings squad, a couple breaks can go a long way.

Sure, the Gopher football team was atrocious last season, but the finish they put together made it more clear than ever that the biggest problem with the team was gameday coaching.  Winning 2 out of 3 Big Ten games to finish out isn't exactly cause for celebration, but it is something to build on, and reminds us that you can't overstate the importance of not being coached by Tim Brewster when it comes to winning football games.  At least the current guy running things is somebody you want to root for, not someone who seems like he should be trying to sell your the undercoat package on a 2004 Chrysler Seabring.

Sure, the Gopher hoops team finished far below expectations, but there were plenty of bright spots before the team got decimated by defections and injuries.  At various points during the season, the team was on solid footing, only to have the rug pulled by yet another injury.  The silver lining is the experience that last year's freshman got, and will be bringing into this season.  Toss in what's been, by all accounts, a solid recruiting class, and there's no reason to expect a repeat of last year's limp to the finish.

Sure, Gopher hockey has fallen on hard times, but the fact remains that it will always have one of the most talented rosters in the country, and the most oft-cited problem with the coaching staff has been rectified.  Nobody is saynig national championship, but it can't be ignored that the Gophers played their best against top teams, beating 3 of the 4 Frozen Four participants last season.  Adding some consistency to that high-end play should at least get the team back in the NCAA tourney this season, and from there, who knows?

Alright, I hope that helped, doubtful that it will be a frequent occurrence as things play out, but there's no reason to pile on too heavy at this point.

As I've said, plenty of time for that once the games start :)

The hits just keep on coming

Can I get a do-over on last weekend?

It started off with the Sioux giving up 8 goals while getting smoked on Friday night.  They came back to win Saturday, but this creates a disturbing "large chinks in the armor" feeling going into the final 6 weeks of the season.  Guess the only thing to do is chalk it up as a blip and move on, unsettling though. 

Things appeared to be looking up Saturday, with the Gophers winning a Big Ten basketball game against Michigan that they needed to have.  Then comes the news today that starting point guard Al Nolen has a broken foot that will require surgery and force him to miss at least a month, if not the remainder of the season.  Talk about winning the battle but losing the war. 

Now I'm not going to sit here and act like we just lost the second coming of Isaiah Thomas here, but Nolen was an excellent defender, ball handler and the floor leader of this team.  Replacing a point guard is never easy, and it becomes doubly hard when the guy who would have been stepping in to the starting lineup transferred to Oregon two weeks ago.  Just another kick in the nuts for a program that has endured more than it's share in the last year and a half.  If there is one thing that you can say positively here, it's that they should have a good chance of bouncing back.  Lord knows they've had enough practice lately.

And finally, to put the cherry on top of the sh*t sundae, the hated Packers are heading to the Super Bowl.  At least there was one NFC North team having a worse day than our local squad, as the Bears not only lost the conference championship game, but potentially had an irreconcilable rift develop between their franchise QB and fanbase.  I have to admit, while watching the game, I was of the opinion that Jay Cutler was quitting on his team.  After pausing to reflect, I have to admit that's probably not the case, and he was as injured as he claimed to be.  But man, the guy just looked like he was phoning it in.  Standing there with his typical sour look, he looked every bit the part of a ticked off whiner saying "Eff you" to his teammates.  Probably unfair criticism, and I'd turn on a dime if he won the Super Bowl for the Vikings, but I'm pretty happy that's not the guy I'm depending on for the foreseeable future.  He's just a guy who makes it easy to hate him.  Burning the jerseys was over the line though.

So now we wait, two weeks of Packer media fawning that will hopefully end with them getting throttled by the Steelers.  But they'll probably end up winning, and I will once again be forced to ponder whether this new low is actually rock bottom, or if we still have further to sink.  It's times like these that it's important to remember, things could always be worse.

Ho Ho...Hold on Here

Many happy returns of the holiday season to you and yours, hope everyone had an excellent holiday and got just what they were.  I myself did not find a franchise quarterback under the tree, but hopefully that's just because he was stuck in Philadelphia, guess time will have to tell on that one.

There I go again, discussing that team who is supposed to be avoided, but they just won't let me off the hook.  Now there's another postponement prolonging this season of weird, making the Vikings the first team ever to play on Thursday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday in the same season.  Pity they didn't have a Saturday game squeezed in there to complete this bizarre calendar sweep.  So rather than falling among the din of the NFL weekend, another meaningless game lost in the shuffle, tonight's game gets the full "nothing else is going on treatment" from the local and national media.

The problem is there's a lot going on tonight, with the Gophers tipping off the Big Ten basketball season against the hated Wisconsin Badgers and Team USA facing Slovakia in the World Juniors.  Now instead of being able to enjoy these two meaningful tilts in peace, I'm going to be buried in an avalanche of Viking fans, who are apparently unaware the clock on this season struck midnight some time ago.  Look, I'm all for sticking with your team when you're trying to draw inspiration for next year, but half the players and the coach will likely be different when next year rolls around, if it even happens at all.  Meanwhile some oblivious bartender is going to come bumbling along changing the station with the Gophers up one and five minutes left to play.  And then we'll all have to let loose an irritated "WHOA!" to make her realize her mistake and rectify the situation.  Point being, I love the NFL as much as (probably more than) the next guy, but get some perspective.

Of course, speaking of perspective, it's always important to remember that things could be worse.  For today's example, we look no further than Loserville's favorite guest poster/Gopher football superfan, my friend Derek.  Because today is the day, after fathering two great kids, that Derek will be going under the knife for the operation that makes any man wince uncomfortably.  I have two vasectomy vignettes (killer alliteration there) to offer, the first in the form of one of my favorite jokes:

What's the definition of tough?  Jogging home from your own vasectomy.  If' you're going for the pun in this case, change "tough" to "ballsy".  Seemed a little much here.

The second is the story of the time a few years back that I thought I was watching a knee surgery on some random channel.  Having had a couple of knee surgeries, I found this interesting and paused to watch for a moment.  It was rather perplexing that they appeared to be cutting a ligament, rather than reattaching it.  As the camera panned back, I understood what I was seeing...and was not pleased.

Anyway Big D, here's hoping that the Gopher hoops team doesn't add any more pain to your day.

Everything but the NFL (and of course NFL picks)

As a dedicated (some might say demented) follower of all things sports, particularly the local variety, my favorite place on Earth is a bar called Joe Senser's in Eagan, MN.  With 4 x 6' screens ringing the inside and every sports package known to man, it is truly a sportsfan's paradise if you catch it on the right evening. Tonight, with the Wild facing the Red Wings, Wolves playing the Lakers, and Gopher hoops squaring off against North Carolina, happens to be one of those evenings.  Heck, there's even a Duluth-Wisconsin college hockey showdown thrown in to boot.

Although these winter sports teams have been in action for a few weeks, tonight feels like the true lidlifter on the season.  Perhaps it's the first meaningful college hoops game, first Timberwolves game that is actually being broadcast (more on that later), or just the fact there's snow on the ground, I'm ready to embrace the Boys of Winter.  So far, they're making it seem like that love may not be squandered. 

The Wolves are what they are, a team that we're simply not expecting much from in terms of results.  The success or failure of the season will hinge on intangibles: Staying competitive, finding an identity, young players improving.  So far, with the emergence of Michael Beasley as an elite scorer, Kevin Love's amazing rebounding and Wes Johnson's promise, they're delivering in spades.  I've been a big critic of GM David Kahn the past couple of years, due to the arrogance I perceived from him and some flat-out preposterous statements he's made.  It must be acknowledged that we are only 13 games into this thing, but based on the early returns, we could be a few months away from an official apology being issued.  The bar is low, and the first steps are always easiest, but for the first time in a very long time, I'm intrigued by Timberwolves basketball.  And that's really all I was asking this season.

The Wild had more expected of them this season, and haven't exactly gotten off to a blazing start.  But things certainly haven't been bad either, and some of the keys to success I addressed way back in June have shown promise.  The bottom line is they're going to need more goals, period.  But with Nicklas Backstrom returning to form to steal a few games in the earlygoing, Brent Burns looking like his old self and the addition of Matt Cullen proving to be a revelation, things are looking up a bit.  Even my nemesis Halfthat has looked suprisingly competent.  Are there concerns?  Heck yes.  The ridiculous powerplay percentage won't hold up, last year's leading goal scorer is on the shelf with an injury and the goaltenders can't keep this up all season.  But the good news is, so far so good, and after a 2009-10 season in which an early hole was dug, leaving the team trying to claw out of it all season, we'll take it.

Gopher hoops was to be the savior this winter.  No national, or even Big Ten, title aspirations, but a fun team with talent up and down the lineup that closed out last year on a high note.  College basketball is a fantastic sport, consistently exciting, with wild swings of momentum and scoring, played in historic venues in front of rabid crowds, I just can't say enough about it.  The Gophers have never been a star-studded group of high-achievers, but they've always been competent, save the dark days of the Muson Era.  But now, in year 4 of the Tubby Smith Revolution, the team seemed poised to make a leap.  Frankly, it was a leap that was supposed to be made last season, before a rash off suspensions and ineligibility derailed everything.  So you can imagine the foreboding that was being felt when the teams best guard, Davoe Joseph, was suspended for a violation of team rules last week.  We still don't know what he did, or when he'll be back, but we do know one thing: When (if?) he returns, this team could be really good.

Now I don't want to get too far down the road on you, but is there any event that packs more excitement per minute than March Madness?  With a whole season of ups and downs, wins and losses, avoiding injury and other missteps, still to come, it's way early to be chatting about this.  But I can't get the thought of making it through that first weekend out of my head, and from what I can see (knock on wood) this team could have the pieces to do it.  Of course that whole opinion might get turned on it's ear after watching them play the #8 team in the country tonight, but I love that this matchup is happening.  Beyond the experience of simply facing good competition, these games have a way of hanging around all season.  The past two years is't been early-season upsets of ranked opponents that helped the Gophers earn tourney berths, and while I hope that's not necessary this season, a good showing is always nice to have.  I don't expect a win by any means, but I am hoping for one.  At any rate, hope you can enjoy a great evening of sports.

(Closed-circuit to Fox Sports North, it doesn't wreck my night that you're not showing the Gopher hockey game tonight, but did you really have to show a home game of a hated rival?  Don't get me wrong, I'm always a fan of a good college hockey game, and being that I can't watch my Sioux in the wilds of Omaha tonight, will be casting an eye toward the Bulldogs and Badgers.  But if I was a Gopher hockey fan, or a Timberwolves diehard who missed K-Love's 31-31 game or Beasley's last second winner on Sunday, I'd feel pretty jerked around. 

I know it's a rough economy and all that, so not sending a production crew to Houghton, Michigan might be excusable, but the simple fact is we've got too many things going on in this town to live with your paltry bandwith.  Sports stations in other cities have alternate channels that pop up when games conflict, so with two professional teams and a popular college program colliding at least once a weekend for nearly half the year, I gotta ask, where are you at on that one?  And don't tell me to get a life and not worry about watching all three at once, I'm your bread-n-butter consumer here folks.)

NFL Picks

Last week: 9-4 (I believe 'scintilating' is the word you're looking for)
Overall: 61-51-3

Ben
Last week: 6-7 (Thud)
Overall: 22-15-1

Brent
Last week: 6-7 (Double thud)
Overall: 20-18-1



MIAMI -1.5 over Chicago (Little hiccup there, don't ever pick Miami at home, lesson learned)
PITTSBURGH -7 over Oakland
NY JETS -7 over Houston
Baltimore -10.5 over CAROLINA
TENNESEE -7 over Washington
Detroit +6.5 over DALLAS
Green Bay -3 over MINNESOTA
Buffalo +6 over CINCINATTI
Cleveland +1.5 over JACKSONVILLE
KANSAS CITY -8 over Arizona
Seattle +11.5 over NEW ORLEANS
Atlanta -3 over ST. LOUIS
Tampa Bay +3.5 over SAN FRANCISCO
NEW ENGLAND -3.5 over Indianapolis
NY Giants +3 over PHILADELPHIA
SAN DIEGO -10 over Denver