2012 State of the 'Ville: The University of Mediocrity

I was going to talk about the University of Minnesota sports teams, but given what’s going on this week, and their recent history, I can’t muster much steam to discuss them. So football and basketball, all you get is a haiku, which is probably more than you’re worth at this point.

Gopher football:

Fits of competence
Can’t mask the reality
They're still sh*tty

Gopher basketball:

Tubby Smith can’t stop
A winless Big Ten Season
Start cheating again

You can go on and on about how to fix these broken programs, but the bottom line is they’ve been bad for a long time and at the moment might be worse than ever. Understanding that a lot of passion exists for these teams, it hasn’t been enough to turn the tide for a very long time. Flashes of competence have appeared, and frankly that’s really all we’re asking for at this point. The bar has been lowered to such an extreme that a winning season or tourney berth might be just cause to overturn a car or two in Dinkytown. Well be back for the fall hope sale, at the moment, there’s not much to discuss.

Where there is something to discuss, for the first time in a couple seasons, is on the hockey front, where the University’s one consistent performer appears to have shaken off its recent slump. After back-to-back years of missing the NCAA tourney, the maroon-and-gold seem to have righted itself and are looking like a lock to make the field this spring. Of course, being a fan of the University of North Dakota (team name omitted), I am duty bound to hate the Golden Rodents. While I may not begrude succes to many friends who count themselves fans, I cannot in good conscience root for them.  Probably a lucky thing, as my support has never boded well for any other Minnesota athletic endeavors.

This weekend is one that has come to be circled on the calendar, as three of the past four years, the second week in January has been host to both the NFL Divisional playoffs and a Sioux-Gophers hockey series. This is the first year that the Sioux will not officially be known as the Sioux, having officially retired the name at the end of last year, but I will continue to call them as such, regardless of what the PC terrorists at the NCAA have instructed. You can have my nickname when you pry it from my cold, dead hands. For future reference, please note that the tribes required to give approval likely supported the Fighting Sioux, but they were not allowed to voice said support through a binding vote. Just in case some schmuck tells you otherwise, this wasn’t about helping anybody, just the college sports authority trying to take people’s eye off the ball.

It’s a bit amazing that the NCAA has the time to go about writing societal wrongs of this type, seeing as how they can’t even create system to crown a football champion that’s worth a f*ck. But this horse has been beaten to death over the years, not going to be belabor the point it again. Just had to get in a few shots at a corrupt, money-grubbing organization who exercises it’s outrage selectively, against only those wrongs that don’t impact its bottom line. This has been an unfair, despicable process to watch unfold, but it is what it is, and it’s over, just like this rant.

Because even if it doesn’t say ‘Sioux’ on the front of the jersey, the hockey games this weekend are going to be just as fun to attend, and just as huge in the standings for a UND team that got out of the gate slowly. It’s been 20 years since one of these teams swept a 4-game season series from the other, and since I’ll be in attendance for both tilts, I’m really hoping that this isn’t the year when that steak is broken. The Gophers may be in the catbird seat, but the guys in green have quite a bit of work to do, fortunately this is usually the time of year that they start taking care of business. This post from a year ago captures my personal history with the matchup; beyond that, there’s not much to say but GO SIOUX!

NFL Playoff Picks

Just when I start to think I'll be able to sit and watch sports like a sane adult, something comes along to set me off.  Last Sunday, watching God's own virginal soldier Tim Tebow lead the Denver Broncos to victory was one of those things.  Back in November 2010, when Tebowmania was just in it's infant stages, I declared him an official sports nemesis.  So of course, it's not surprising to see the success he's enjoyed since.  As usual, it's not the man (or the band, or the fad, or the show) that I hate, it's the disciples who wander around, incessantly touting it's virtues.  If Tim Tebow were just another mediocre passer, that would be that, but unfortunately he brings along extra baggage that I'm sure you're all aware of.

At times earlier this season, my view softened, due to the enjoyment of improbably Bronco wins that featured almost zero discernable quarterback play.  Unfortunately I never imagined this trend would show up to start compromising the NFL postseason.  The enjoyable part of it was the circus-freak quality, passes in the dirt and 3-for-15 performance that somehow spelled victory.  Watching last Sunday was like having your son bring the bearded lady home to dinner, okay on a midway, not so much in the living room.

And he's just such a lucky bastard!  It always irritates me when teams make a game they don't belong in through good fortune, inevitably compromising the entertainment value when they do.  Last season's Bears team had no business in the NFC Championship game, but thanks to a string of regular-season games against 3rd-string QBS, and an improbable upset by Seattle, there they were.  I hated them for that, and it's was much the same with Tebow.

But then something happened, and it's the thing I hate happening when I get worked into a nice lather with a good case of sports hate: Perspective crept in.  You watch the press conference from last week's game, and one of the first things he brings up is comforting a sick girl before the game.  Dang.  Every quote is dripping with humbleness, praise of teammates, just the general qualities you hope the people in the public eye possess.  You're making it very tough to dislike you Tim.

Of course there are the twelve mentions of God in two minutes, it's at the point where the sound of his voice causes my eyes to roll involuntarily.

But anyway, officially flip-flopping for the 27th time and softening my stance on Tebow.  Let the chips fall where they may, if he can pull off a miracle and win the Super Bowl, well then I'm officially a believer in that Mayan end-of-days prophecy, somebody save me a seat at church.

Of course if he guides his team there, then hands the Packers another championship with a 5-27, 39 yard stinkbomb, we're back to square one.


New Orleans (-3.5) @ San Francisco

It would be great to see the 49ers win this game, but I just don't see it happening.  You can definitely make the argument, they're at home, outdoors, on grass.  The defense has been great and you know the team will be jacked up.

But you know the Saints are going to score some points, and being able to spread the Niners out, totally negating the strength of their run defense, gives them the nod to victory in my mind.  New Orleans will score, and I don't like an Alex Smith-led offense's chances of answering.  Of course I'm also the guy who thought T.J. Yates had no chance of winning a playoff game last week, so what do I know?

The pick: New Orleans 27, San Francisco 20


Denver @ New England (-13.5)

Two reasons:

This line is huge.
I'm done betting against Tebow in the playoffs when it's obvious he has mystical forces on his side.

It was my mistake reading too much into the hiccups down the stretch in December.  I'd imagine God as a sports entity is kind of like Phil Jackson, he might allow some things to slip during the regular season, but you know he's going to have things locked in come playoff time.  It doesn't matter if the Holy Ghost (Kobe) is pouting about not getting top billing or Jesus (Shaq) spends the first few months of the season playing himself into shape, when that bell rings, it will be answered.

And I will not be on the wrong side of another Tebow victory cover.

The pick: New England 31, Denver 20


Houston @ Baltimore (-7.5)

The Joe Flacco coming out party that quiets his doubters and shows he's a big-time QB?

Or the Joe Flacco collapse that starts Ravens fans down the "we'll never win anything with Flacco!" path?

Neither would surprise me, but the combination of Baltimore being undefeated at home and the belief that T.J. Yates has to fold eventually (right?) has me leaning toward a fairly easy Ravens victory.  Not to mention I don't think a Texans defensive end will manage to grab a pick-six on a pass thrown while he was standing about two feet from the quarterback!  Forget the 80-yard pass to end the Denver game, for my money that was the most amazing play of the weekend.  Not breaking fingers on that play would've been good, never mind a catch and return.

The pick: Baltimore 27, Houston 17


New York Giants @ Green Bay (-7.5)

Of all the games happening this weekend, this is the one I will be rooting the hardest for.  My favorite remaining team taking on the hated Cheeseheads from the state next door, not much could be finer than a Giant victory.

Unfortunately, I don't like the vibe of what I'm hearing, there are just a few too many people giving the Giants a bit too good of a chance.  We are, after all, talking about a 15-win team, playing at home, against the most inconsistent squad in the league.  Tell me all you want about how the Giants have the right kind of team to beat the Packers, how they can get pressure with their front four, and they almost beat them last time.  I'd love to agree, but I just don't think so, too many good vibes are a bad thing for the G-Men, they need to be given no chance to succeed.  Although for gambling purposes, sure would be nice if this line was 6 1/2.

The pick: Green Bay 35, New York Giants 24

All the negativity in this town sucks

It's come to my attention recently that some people feel most of what I write is overly negative.  There's even been concern expressed over my mental well-being.  To take the second point first, let me assure you that I am fine, and not suffering any ill effects from the constant stream of bad news that has been the last year of Minnesota sports.  After so many letdowns, only great disappointment has the power to wound, and in order to be greatly disappointed, you must first have some kind of expectations.  Save for the Fighting Sioux hockey team, there hasn't been much in the way of expectations during the last cycle of the calendar.  Falls don't hurt so bad when you've only climbed to the first rung of the ladder, the current situation is rolling over me like water off a duck's back.

As to the first point, the blog is called Loserville for a reason, and man has this town been living up to that moniker lately.  Although I trend negative due to years of experience, there have been nuggets of optimism sprinkled through these posts.  Sure the doldrums of summer tend to get me down, but the last post was packed with upcoming highlights of the fall season, what could be more optimistic than that?  I picked the Twins to win the division and Gopher football team to win 7 games last year, that's looks like optimism bordering on delusion at this point.

But being that we're on the cusp of a new season, it's probably a good time to pump things up and get excited about the prospects of the various local teams.  There will be plenty of time to lament failure later on.  If sports had it's own calendar, then August 31st would be New Year's Eve; tomorrow September starts, and with it comes fresh versions of football, hockey and basketball teams at all levels.  Baseball has it's own weird calendar that doesn't really fit, like it's run by the Mayans or something, but for the rest of the world, the slate has been wiped clean, and it's time to get rolling.

So now, I will attempt my most difficult feat.  In a town where all four professional teams have missed the playoffs, the college football team was not bowl-eligible, the college basketball team failed to qualify for March Madness and the college hockey team couldn't make it's own conference tourney, I am going to be 100% positive:

Sure, it's been a rough season for the Twins, but have you ever seen a team with this many injury issues?  They got a little fat and happy with their new stadium and division championship last season, and things slipped a bit, but give it a year and they'll be back on top, looking down at the Tigers and White Sox like they've done all decade.  Plenty of money coming off the books, the young guys continue to improve, things will be just fine.

Sure, the Wolves have been an NBA laughingstock for the last few seasons and will likely start the season in a lockout, but all signs point to Rick Adelman as the new coaching hire, which could be a game-changer for the franchise.  We'll give them a mulligan on the Rambis thing, he was a bad fit from the start, and it was good that they recognized their mistake and cut their losses.  With all the young talent on this team, there's a lot to be excited about, all it will take is a patient coach who knows how to tap into said talent, and Adelman is likely that guy.

Sure, the Wild made a bunch of signings that killed their cap flexibility in the present and future, but with some of those contracts coming off the books and a few savvy trades, they have the look of a playoff contender.  The young defenseman will need to step up, along with the goaltending, but the upcoming Wild squad appears to have more scoring punch than any version since the days of a healthy Marian Gaborik, which we know weren't many.

Sure, the Vikings missed their window, and are entering a transitional period, but who's to say what will happen in an NFL season?  Although it's going to take a lot of luck to get over .500, worse teams than this have qualified for the playoffs, it's the one league where (almost) every team truly has a shot.  Heck, the Bears won 11 games last year, and I'm not sure they were markedly more talented that this year's Vikings squad, a couple breaks can go a long way.

Sure, the Gopher football team was atrocious last season, but the finish they put together made it more clear than ever that the biggest problem with the team was gameday coaching.  Winning 2 out of 3 Big Ten games to finish out isn't exactly cause for celebration, but it is something to build on, and reminds us that you can't overstate the importance of not being coached by Tim Brewster when it comes to winning football games.  At least the current guy running things is somebody you want to root for, not someone who seems like he should be trying to sell your the undercoat package on a 2004 Chrysler Seabring.

Sure, the Gopher hoops team finished far below expectations, but there were plenty of bright spots before the team got decimated by defections and injuries.  At various points during the season, the team was on solid footing, only to have the rug pulled by yet another injury.  The silver lining is the experience that last year's freshman got, and will be bringing into this season.  Toss in what's been, by all accounts, a solid recruiting class, and there's no reason to expect a repeat of last year's limp to the finish.

Sure, Gopher hockey has fallen on hard times, but the fact remains that it will always have one of the most talented rosters in the country, and the most oft-cited problem with the coaching staff has been rectified.  Nobody is saynig national championship, but it can't be ignored that the Gophers played their best against top teams, beating 3 of the 4 Frozen Four participants last season.  Adding some consistency to that high-end play should at least get the team back in the NCAA tourney this season, and from there, who knows?

Alright, I hope that helped, doubtful that it will be a frequent occurrence as things play out, but there's no reason to pile on too heavy at this point.

As I've said, plenty of time for that once the games start :)