Ho Ho...Hold on Here

Many happy returns of the holiday season to you and yours, hope everyone had an excellent holiday and got just what they were.  I myself did not find a franchise quarterback under the tree, but hopefully that's just because he was stuck in Philadelphia, guess time will have to tell on that one.

There I go again, discussing that team who is supposed to be avoided, but they just won't let me off the hook.  Now there's another postponement prolonging this season of weird, making the Vikings the first team ever to play on Thursday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday in the same season.  Pity they didn't have a Saturday game squeezed in there to complete this bizarre calendar sweep.  So rather than falling among the din of the NFL weekend, another meaningless game lost in the shuffle, tonight's game gets the full "nothing else is going on treatment" from the local and national media.

The problem is there's a lot going on tonight, with the Gophers tipping off the Big Ten basketball season against the hated Wisconsin Badgers and Team USA facing Slovakia in the World Juniors.  Now instead of being able to enjoy these two meaningful tilts in peace, I'm going to be buried in an avalanche of Viking fans, who are apparently unaware the clock on this season struck midnight some time ago.  Look, I'm all for sticking with your team when you're trying to draw inspiration for next year, but half the players and the coach will likely be different when next year rolls around, if it even happens at all.  Meanwhile some oblivious bartender is going to come bumbling along changing the station with the Gophers up one and five minutes left to play.  And then we'll all have to let loose an irritated "WHOA!" to make her realize her mistake and rectify the situation.  Point being, I love the NFL as much as (probably more than) the next guy, but get some perspective.

Of course, speaking of perspective, it's always important to remember that things could be worse.  For today's example, we look no further than Loserville's favorite guest poster/Gopher football superfan, my friend Derek.  Because today is the day, after fathering two great kids, that Derek will be going under the knife for the operation that makes any man wince uncomfortably.  I have two vasectomy vignettes (killer alliteration there) to offer, the first in the form of one of my favorite jokes:

What's the definition of tough?  Jogging home from your own vasectomy.  If' you're going for the pun in this case, change "tough" to "ballsy".  Seemed a little much here.

The second is the story of the time a few years back that I thought I was watching a knee surgery on some random channel.  Having had a couple of knee surgeries, I found this interesting and paused to watch for a moment.  It was rather perplexing that they appeared to be cutting a ligament, rather than reattaching it.  As the camera panned back, I understood what I was seeing...and was not pleased.

Anyway Big D, here's hoping that the Gopher hoops team doesn't add any more pain to your day.