Chairman of the Bored

I'm bored.

Bored, bored, bored and bored.  Bored to death, bored to tears, bored to the point of trying to figure out ways to gamble on the Little League World Series.

Every year, I spend the last couple weeks of August waiting for the first couple weeks of September to arrive.  A terrible Twins team has meant this year has been worse than most.  The greatest two months on the calendar is right around the corner, and can't get here fast enough...which of course means life is crawling along at a snail's pace.

I'm sure a lot of people would strongly disagree, since the turn of the calendar to September is the first step on the path to winter's return, and they'll take all the summer that they can get.  But for the sports fan, it's like trying to fall asleep on Christmas Eve, you know that things are right around the corner, but the anticipation makes the wait interminable!  I'm not sure how common my feelings on this are, but thinking about that got me considering other idiosyncrasies, and wondering if anyone else shared them.

Are you like me, when you see two people sitting next to each other talking on phones, do you pretend they're talking to each other?

Are you like me, do you find the use of chopsticks pretentious and un-American, to the point of wanting to walk up to someone, grab one of the sticks, throw it on the floor and yell "What now?!?!?!" as they helplessly poke at their food with the remaining piece of wood?

Are you like me, do you peruse obituaries when you're having a bad day as a reminder that things could be going much worse?

Are you like me, when you see a guy with a spiky, over-gelled, Jersey Shore type of hairstyle, do you calculate the gambling odds of him winning a fistfight with a butch lesbian sporting to same hairdo?  And typically come away thinking you'd wager on said bull dyke?

Are you like me, when eating vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup, do you feel a need to mix the two together until you have a bowl of chocolate ice cream?  Then wonder why you didn't just buy chocolate ice cream in the first place?

Are you like me, eagerly anticipating the first sighting of Oktoberfest brews to replace the wheat/lemon/orange/cherry abomination that are summer beers?

Are you like me, do you think there's a strong correlation between a bad having numbers in it's name and roaylly sucking? (U2, Maroon 5, Matchbox 20)

Are you like me, do you completely ignore the atrocious nutrition info found in articles like this, and just think about how tasty everything looks?

Are you like me, do you think that everyone should all get free ice cream any day the Dow drops more than 400 points?


Are you like me, does the word "Kardashian" reflexively make your hand shoot out and slap whoever said it?

Are you like me, do you think it's high time that MMA stepped up to the precedent of it's historical forebears and went to full-scale gladiator fights to the death on barges anchored in international waters?

Are you like me, in realizing that the slighty burnt Cheez-It is the tastiest one, and wondering why in the myriad flavors they've created, there is no option for a full box of slighty burned Cheez-Its?

Are you like me, do you think the reason so many Americans are fat is because all the exercise machines have a warning that says "Stop using if you feel short of breath"?  Isn't feeling short of breath kind of the point?


Yeah, I didn't think so.